I know religion is a hot topic in many ways, but it's an important topic to me. I used to be mainline Christian and gave up religion for Lent in college, which was the start of a lifelong spiritual journey through atheism, then to believing, and from there through different beliefs. I like getting matched with someone who is "spiritual but not religious" because often they have some fascinating things to talk about in that field. People in specific religions often do, but there are also people who have never given a second thought to their religion. So for my first question, I always ask something close to, "Tell me something about your spiritual journey in life. How did you come to believe what you do? Can you tell me a little about what you believe? How does it effect your everyday life (other than just attending worship regularly)?"

People seem to like this question and I hardly ever get a short answer to it. Most women I get to that point with tend to use up as much space as allowed to answer it. It also tells me a lot about them. For insance, different people have different ideas about what "Christian" means and since many matches are Christian, this gives me a clearer idea of what they believe. Quite often it gives me other insights into their personality, for instance, it often lets me know if they're divergent or linear thinkers, have a fair amount of give and take, or set exacting boundaries.

Another I use almost every time sounds like a real PITA question (pain in the a-- er, ankle), but matches seem to like it is something close to, "I know this sounds like a job interview question, but I don't mean it that way at all. If your life went as you would hope in the next 5-10 years, what would it be like then? Would you be married? Children? Living in the city? Country? Would you be in a settled career or changing to something you always wanted to do?"

While most people tend to like to say a lot to answer that question, some are quite short, with answers like, "Life never goes as we expect, so I don't focus on that." (Sometimes I get an answer like that from someone I can tell has been through a 12 step progam with the "one day at a time" motto.) Just like with the religion/spirituality question, though, it gives people a chance to talk about something that is usually important to them and ties in with their plans, hopes, dreams, or desires. It also tells me if we have similar goals. If she says, "I'll be living in the city and will be at the top of my career and working 80 hours a week and be able to afford someone to walk my dog and won't have to do any more reading because I'll have passed all the certification tests," then I know it's time to close the match. If she were to respond, "I hope to be married to you so we can spend all our time together in a small cozy cottage," I get images of the ads from "Misery" and run screaming out the door for a good long bike ride to calm down.

Then for my last question, I usually try to ask questions that are more directly about something they've said in their profile so I can draw them out.

For me, often, I don't want the exact answer, but how they handle the question. On Chemistry, once, someone asked me, "So, really, how do you feel about aardvarks?" She said I had the most creative and entertaining answer she had ever seen to that question. To me a question like that means someone doesn't care about aardvarks, but wants to know if you get ticked at silly questions or are willing to take the challenge and be creative or silly.

The one question I just loathe because I got it so many times while my Father was dying of leukemia was what I would wish for if I had 3 wishes -- and of course, one was always that the docs could cure my Father's illness. Other than that, I've worked hard for what I have and am close to realizing all my dreams in life (other than having a family with a few rugrats), so I don't really feel a need to wish for things anymore.

Right now I have the 2nd match I've reached the 2nd questions with in over 6 months and she's asking me to describe my personal style and I have no freaking idea what style means in a case like this. I have no idea what my personal style is! I just do things in the way that feels right for me and that's it.