Profile review please?

Honestly, version #3 is too long. I don't need to read a novel about you in a profile, and such a long profile comes across as narcissistic. Version #2 was perfect. It made me laugh, gave a good picture of you who you are, and were I single, I would be hitting the contact you button as fast as I could.

So revert back to 2? Man I really wish I kept a copy of what 2 was lol

I'm not sure that I really am your direct audience though... if how I describe myself or who I think I am is so far out of what you consider attractive then really we are probably fundamentally incompatible, wouldn't you agree? And there isn't anything wrong with that. At best, I'd figure the type of guy I am is probably attractive to maybe 10% of women. Thats fine though, the 90% wouldn't make me any happier than I would be able to make them. I don't write my profile to attract as many women as I can, I write it to attract someone who I hope would genuinely be attracted to who I actually am, without any sugarcoating it whatsoever. I'm only trying to snag one woman here anyway.

I remember reading your version 2 and I thought it was much better than your version 1. And, I agree that version 3 is now way over-written. What you've done is add a lot more words... but you're not actually saying anything. I find myself breezing out in the middle of your paragraphs, missing the point of whatever you are trying to tell me. What are you actually "passionate" about? What are you looking for in a woman? Was there something about a rude lady and a red bull? My head hurts...

You said this in reply on your other thread about "avoiding jadedness":

I see what you're saying here. You are trying to get across how you are an "eccentric" and not like other guys. And, maybe you're not - but from your profile you sound like every other guy who thinks he's funny.

Who are you trying to attract? I agree that you shouldn't try to be "everyman". You can't worry about the women who simply aren't a good match for you. However, if your profile is turning off even those women who would be a good match - then you have a problem. Think about the girl who would be a good match for you, and write your profile for "her". (But, use less words, so she can actually read it).

De-worded, cut some stuff out. Toned it down. Might be at the point where its as good as its gonna get while still being a good description of me.

Round 4

The one thing I am most passionate about:
Contributing, in some way, to the idea of karma, or at least leaving the world having done more good than bad... It doesn't matter exactly how, so much. I take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves. As far as hobbies and such, I train dogs in a sport known as Schutzhund, German for "Protection Dog". Which is teaching obedience, protection, and tracking/scent detection... my dogs, other peoples dogs, it doesn’t matter. It consumes a bit of my free time, but I’ve developed great interest in it as found many of the things I’ve learned in interacting with a dog actually apply to people as well. Do your dogs contribute to leaving the world a better place? If not, I'd move this down to the other section where you talk about the dogs.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Beyond the things that apply to everyone, I’d say the most important thing would be a quick wit and a healthy sense of humor. If you can throw the sarcasm and banter back at me as fast as I can at you and keep me sharp and on my toes, you’ll probably have my attention indefinitely.

Basic Information

Occupation:
Entrepreneur: founded & run 2 engineering firms & a few other random companies
Age
32
Height
5' 8"
Wants Kids:
Yes
Kids at Home:
No
Ethnicity
White, non-Hispanic
Religion:
Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks:
About once a week
Smokes:
Never
In my own words
The most influential person in my life has been:

Hmmm... I really struggled with this question. If I had to pick one, it would be my father, BUT, that breaks the eHarmony rules, so I'll roll with this random guy in the walmart checkout. I had a 20oz red bull, and the lady turned off the light the second I arrived from the 40 person long line to go to hers. She told me "I'M CLOSED" in a rude way. The guy being rung up in front of me grabbed it and bought it for me despite my protest it was unnecessary, and I had no cash on me to pay him. I wanna be that guy. That guy inspired me in a very real way lol.

Seems like the DoD contractor may have been a big influence.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

My intelligence. (My ability to analyze situations from more than one angle.) I wasn’t a football captain or basketball star in highschool. What I’ve always been is “that smart kid”, and probably the first thing my friends would say when describing me.
My self reliance. Growing up with 3 sisters, I always had to sort of fend for myself. My parents always had the “he’ll do fine, concentrate on the girls” approach. It made for some tough times growing up, but its a comforting feeling to be confident you can tackle whatever life throws at you.
My ability to roll with the punches. Life always has some tough spots. I think many people struggle with them, but I’ve always been noted for my enduring the hits with style and grace.
Three of my best life-skills are:

Using humor to make friends laugh
Remaining calm yet resilient during a crisis
Achieving personal goals
The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

I'll go with my rigid (this is a very strong word and seems rather negative. Maybe say My strong moral character.) set of morals. I actually do what I believe is right when no one is looking, and even when its going to negatively affect me personally. I'd end your answer at this point. Not because I care all that much about others perception of me... I'd venture I care less than is normal (or should) about how others view me, but because of my own self perception... its critically important to love thyself, and at the end of the day I have to live with me.

The things I can't live without are:

My dogs. Nobody likes you as much as your dog
Adventure! I need regular does of epinephrine
Saltwater! I get land sick when I leave the coast
Good food. I put a lot of effort into my meals
Friends. Dogs are great but suck at conversation
The first thing people notice about me:

My sense of humor. Its probably my greatest social skill. My humor can be a bit edgy, so you'll either laugh till you can't breath or feel reeeeallly awkward. Possibly, I'll push the limits a bit and strike a nerve or accidently hurt a feeling or two, but I'm quick to apologize if my humor isn't well received..

Some additional information I want you to know:

Its Movember, so I am currently growing a mustache (even frosted the tips) for charity. I don't normally sport this look. no holding it against me The important things are best captured in person, but I’ll take a stab at it. I grew up in Charleston, did a contract with the USMC, traveled the world working for a DoD contractor. I quit working for them, figured I could do it better & started a company. That was an adventure, and had its ups and downs. Now that I've weathered the storm, I'm eager to share my life with the right person... albeit unsure where to even begin to look. I don't care how we meet, so long as we do, so here I am!

My interests
I typically spend my leisure time:

Experimenting in the kitchen, often using experiments from my garden. I’m not so much the cook-by-numbers type and have difficulty repeating meals often. The bright side is I’ll probably never send you to the store for a cup of sugar. The down side, sometimes we might have to scrap the meal and order emergency delivery. Adventuring. I started skydiving at 16. Scuba, motocross, catching snakes, you name it, I'm down for it. Dog training (schutzhund). This is usually a few nights a week Boating in general, and offshore fishing in particular. I think I’m happiest ~50 miles offshore, floating in the sun and baby blue water
The last book I read and enjoyed:

A book about Austrian economics. I’ll save you the boring details, but it explains a great deal of what has happened in our economy, how things should work, explains the business cycle, etc. I have a strong desire to know (learn) how everything works, (I'd end it at this point, you are starting to ramble). from car engines, to neural synapses, to motivating dogs and people. The topic doesn’t even matter so much so long as I'm learning. I personal library looks like a combination of the reference, how to, science, and technology sections of the book store.
According to my friends:
My friends describe me as:

Funny
Ambitious
Passionate
Intelligent

Round 3!

The one thing I am most passionate about:
Contributing, in some way, to the idea of karma, or at least leaving the world having done more good than bad... It doesn't matter exactly how, so much. I take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves. Could you provide a couple of examples of how you've tipped the karma balance towards the "good." As far as hobbies and such, I train dogs in a sport known as Schutzhund, German for "Protection Dog". Which is teaching obedience, protection, and tracking/scent detection... my dogs, other peoples dogs, it doesn’t matter. It consumes a bit of my free time, but I’ve developed great interest in it as found many of the things I’ve learned in interacting with a dog actually apply to people as well. Is dog training a passion, or just a hobby? Are you open to women who aren't avid dog lovers? If dog training is just a hobby, would suggest placing it under the "leisure" section. Putting it here (and mentioning how important dogs are a number of times in your profile) gives the impression that you are looking for a fellow dog lover.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Beyond the things that apply to everyone, I’d say the most important thing would be a quick wit and a healthy sense of humor. If you can throw the sarcasm and banter back at me as fast as I can at you and keep me sharp and on my toes, you’ll probably have my attention indefinitely. I’m not the typical guy, and I’m not looking for the typical girl. They didn’t break the mold when they made me... I was free-handed and I'm looking for the same. If the word "eccentric" has been used to describe you, we will probably enjoy each other's company. Not sure the word "eccentric" will get you what you want...or it might get you what you want in addition to a whole bunch of crazies.

Basic Information
Occupation:
SEntrepreneur: founded & run 2 engineering firms & a few other random companies
Age
32
Height
5' 8"
Wants Kids:
Yes
Kids at Home:
No
Ethnicity
White, non-Hispanic
Religion:
Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks:
About once a week
Smokes:
Never

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:
Hmmm... There is not one person that stands above the rest in terms of influence, but there has been many who were very influential... If I had to pick one, it would be my father, BUT, that breaks the eHarmony rules, so I'll roll with this random guy in the Walmart checkout. I had a 20oz Red Bull, and the lady turned off the light the second I arrived from the 40 person long line to go to hers. She told me "I'M CLOSED" in a rude way. The guy being rung up in front of me grabbed it and bought it for me despite my protest it was unnecessary, and I had no cash on me to pay him. I wanna be that guy. That guy inspired me in a very real way LOL. The story is not terrible. Could you come up with a stronger, more positive story that reflects your philosophy? Rudeness -> not positive. Random stranger as most influential person in your life -> makes one wonder if you have no real relationships other than your parents. (Plus you're eccentric and might make me feel really awkward...You see where this can go when a match is reading a profile with an eye for red flags?) I think you can do better than this. (Yes, I am aware how hard it is to write a good profile!)

The three things which I am most thankful for:
My intelligence. [Delete "My"] I wasn’t a football captain or basketball star in high school. What I’ve always been is “that smart kid.” It's probably the first thing my friends would say when describing me.
My self reliance. [Delete "My"] Growing up with 3 sisters, I always had to sort of fend for myself. My parents always had the “he’ll do fine, concentrate on the girls” approach. It made for some tough times growing up, but its a comforting feeling to be confident you can tackle whatever life throws at you.
Resilience. My ability to roll with the punches. Life always has some tough spots. I think many people struggle with them, but I’ve always been noted for my enduring the hits with style and grace.

Three of my best life-skills are:
Using humor to make friends laugh
Remaining calm yet resilient during a crisis
Achieving personal goals

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
I've been told, repeatedly, that I am a very difficult read. [Read: difficult, uncommunicative boyfriend who will be frustrating to deal with when we hit a pothole in the relationship. Not good!]Even a few times by a clinical psychologist. Would delete the reference to a clinical psychologist! This plus the reference to "eccentric" earlier, being a "difficult read," will leave some matches concerned that you might be weird, strange, or a wild card socially. Your profile is your advertisement of "you." You want it to be a realistic reflection of you, but a positive one.That being said, I'll go with my honesty and a rigid set of morals. Hmmm...By saying that people do not notice that you are honest and have morals, you are implying that they see you as dishonest and amoral. Does this whole section on your commitment to honesty and a moral code belong elsewhere in your profile? I actually do what I believe is right when no one is looking, and even when its going to personally [Delete "personally." It is implied by "me.] negatively affect me. Not because I care all that much about other's perception of me... I'd venture I care less than is normal (or I should) [Delete the phrase in parentheses]about how others view me, but because of my own self perception... it's critically important to love thyself, and at the end of the day I have to live with me.

The things I can't live without are:
My dogs. Nobody likes you as much as your dog (As a match, would I have to compete with your dogs?)
Adventure! I need regular doses of epinephrine
Saltwater! I get land-sick when I leave the coast (As a water person myself, I loved this!)
Good food. I put a lot of effort into my meals
Friends. Dogs are great but suck at conversation

The first thing people notice about me:
My smarts and sense of humor. I can generally make people laugh until it hurts. Its probably my greatest social skill. I can harness it at will and use it for forces of good or evil. Which, depends on your perspective. You'll either laugh till you can't breath, or feel reeeeallly awkward around me. Yet another reference that you might be weird, strange, or a wild card socially. Consider deleting. Possibly, I'll push the limits a bit and strike a nerve or accidently hurt a feeling or two, but I'm quick to apologize if my humor isn't well received. You can't make an omelet without egg cracking and all that Cute/clever!

Some additional information I want you to know:
Its Movember, so I am currently growing a mustache (even frosted the tips) for charity. Movember? Maybe add a sentence what this is and the purpose of your mustache. Also an opportunity to tie back to your passion (good karma). I don't normally sport this look, so don't hold it against me The important things are best captured in person, but I’ll take a stab at it. I grew up in Charleston, did a contract with the USMC, traveled the world working for a DoD contractor. I quit working for them, figured I could do it better & started a company. That was an adventure, and had its ups and downs. Now that I've weathered the storm, I'm eager to share my life with the right person... albeit unsure where to even begin to look. I don't care how we meet, so long as we do, so here I am! (I loved this section!!)

My interests
I typically spend my leisure time:
Experimenting in the kitchen, often using experiments ["samples" instead of repeating experiments?] from my garden. I’m not so much [delete "so much"]the cook-by-numbers type and have difficulty repeating meals often. The bright side is I’ll probably never send you to the store for a cup of sugar. The down side, sometimes we might have to scrap the meal and order emergency delivery. Adventuring. I started skydiving at 16, USMC at 18, scuba to 150ft, motocross, catching snakes, you name it, I'm down for it. Dog training (schutzhund). This is usually a few nights a week Boating in general, and offshore fishing in particular. I think I’m happiest ~50 miles offshore, floating in the sun and baby blue water [Aahhh! Yes, that would be wonderful.]

The last book I read and enjoyed:
A book about Austrian economics. I’ll save you the boring details, but it explains a great deal of what has happened in our economy, how things should work, what we (as a country) are doing wrong, how a free market economy works, explains the business cycle, etc. [need parallel structure in the sentence] I have a strong desire to know how everything works, from car engines, to neural synapses, to motivating dogs and people. The topic doesn’t even matter so much so long as I'm learning. My personal library looks like a combination of the Reference, How To, Science, and Technology sections of a book store. Fiction has never been my bag

According to my friends:
My friends describe me as:

Funny
Ambitious
Passionate
Intelligent