must-haves/can't-stands..anyone else having trouble with it?


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skyhi443 is offline skyhi443 Post #1  June 28,2008, 6:17pm
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HI everyone. Ive been having a problem logging inlately for some reason ..so lots of catching up to do now thatI finally got in.


But here's my dilemma. my major sticking point on GC is this m-h/c-s part. First of all there are SO many to choose from..( decisions! decisions! ) but it seems so rigid..or demanding..something.. I can't define it. I cannot see myself on a new date, say, and presenting them with this sort of list. Do you guys find this part really that useful??Am I being too "un-practical"?/sensitive?


Being new, I had trouble with the whole close-out stuff at first..and you guys helped me alot with that..(I get it now.. and now I'm closing like crazy).. So I trust you "vets".


Also.. just wanted to share that I had a situation recently where I skipped the GC because of this and requested OC. He immediately wanted to go to private email or phone. I refused and he closed me prolly 2 secs later!! If it hadn't been for the heads-up on these boards I may have been tempted and surely shocked at the close out (since I sounded sooo interesting!!)Nothing against OC.. in fact I'm glad I got the (scammer) scoop quickly. The sharing on these boardsisa huge help!
 
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mytmowse is offline mytmowse Post #2  June 28,2008, 6:27pm
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The 2 main problems I found with the must haves/can't stands is first off they only allow you 10 each, and secondly they don't exactly describe how I feel. It would be nice maybe if they gave you a set of recommended categories then allowed you to explain in your own words.
 
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Tank is online now Tank Post #3  June 28,2008, 6:33pm
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I find them both very helpful. As a matter of fact with one match I reviewed both of our MH/CS over the phone to make sure we both are clear about them. I suggest this is done with all macthes as soon as you are comfortible with each other.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  June 28,2008, 8:47pm
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I have a lot of problem with MHCS in that for the most part for me they are would like to have and would rather not have. Unlike mytmowse who indicates that 10 is not enough I would like to be able to select less than 10.


eHarmony says on the MHCS page that there will be plenty of time in Open Communication to discuss your MHCS for me on the matches that have communicated as far as MHCS they close me after I send my MHCS therefore no opportunity to discuss anything in Open Communication.


I have select 10 of the most benign MH and CS to try to get past that and into Open Communication.
 
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skyhi443 is offline skyhi443 Post #5  June 28,2008, 8:57pm
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Have you ever recieved a MHCS list that included some real "dealbreakers" that you didn't see in the profile, or thru the Q/A's?
 
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skyhi443 is offline skyhi443 Post #6  June 28,2008, 9:02pm
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Or..( i should have put this in my last post) ..have you ever found something in their MHCS list that made you feel that much more interested and enlightened aboutyour compatability?
 
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mytmowse is offline mytmowse Post #7  June 29,2008, 2:09pm
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skyhi443,154992 wrote :

Or..( i should have put this in my last post) ..have you ever found something in their MHCS list that made you feel that much more interested and enlightened about your compatability?
There's never been any that really made sparks fly one way or the other. There's been a few that made me cringe but not really dealbreakers. One said he can't stand hypochodrics, when poeple are constantly medicating their "so called" symptoms is what it said, but I have a couple chronic conditions for which I've been treated like a hypochondriac by my ex husband and I was worried he would look at it the same way. But he didn't seem too worried about it and we found out there were other things that convinced us not to pursue a relationship anyway.
 
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siren is offline siren Post #8  June 29,2008, 5:52pm
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Hi all-I close all my "matches" immediately-I have never gotten past the second step in guided communication. when I read eharm's analysis of my personality, it was like they really got me, but the matches would not reflect that (stupid computer matching). One guy in his can't stands stated he can't stand a woman who is unkempt, and cleaning horse stalls in the winter mud................no one could stay clean. Plus he was in his 50s and had never been married, altho he was very attractive, so I deduced he was probably pretty distant emotionally or extremely picky. I doubted that emotional intimacy was much of a priority for him. I'm pretty good at sizing people up. Don't want to waste my time or anyone else's. I do enjoy the discussion boards, and maybe eharm works great for youngsters who live in an urban setting, but what would they need eharm for? Plus I've set my geographic parameters at 50 miles, cause don't think it's feasible to date someone more than 30 minutes away, and they send me a guy from the SF bay area? Like 4 hrs away? Weird. siren
 
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GaryZ is offline GaryZ Post #9  June 29,2008, 8:31pm
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I have a problem with the Can't Stand- someone who watches excessive pornography. When did watching pornography go out the window? :P
 
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ksd is offline ksd Post #10  June 30,2008, 3:55am
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I think they are a good idea. I understand what most of them are trying to sayI just dont like the way a lot of them are worded. When I look at them I try to read between the lines a little bit
 
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