Closing a match before open chat?


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dowahsippydo is offline dowahsippydo Post #1  August 10,2011, 7:48am
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If you see a red flag during the one of the communication stages, do you close the match right away? Alternately, you could wait until open chat and let them know why your not interested. Which would you prefer to be a recipient of?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  August 10,2011, 7:55am
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What I've done is asked them about it in OC...if I see a reasonable answer or explanation.., no problem..
I think: OK, I can see your POV..
But, if they start getting weird, I'm gone, johnson...
I have a low tolerance for weirdos..

I honestly can't recall anyone ever closing me in GC...maybe they, like me, know that half the crap in there is ridiculous anyway...and we just have to get through it to meet..dunno..

Sometimes people click on answers in GC and they are not even thinking about what it means, they're picking something they hope won't offend you, even..
Last edited by TheThinker; August 10,2011 at 7:59am.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #3  August 10,2011, 8:00am
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Dow - If you know for sure that this "red flag" is a definite no, then just close before OC. If you are not sure, then ask for more information. For instance, if it was a MHCS issue... a lot of those are ambiguous at best.

One thing I would not want to get is the first OC email that says "Hi! Thanks for getting through GC, but I am just not interested in you. Best of luck!"

Why don't you just set up a date with me so you can slam the door in my face? Same thing, really.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #4  August 10,2011, 8:09am
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If there is a definite red flag for you and you have no intention of asking for an explanation, then you need to go ahead and close. Making someone go through the entire GC process only to get a first OC message stating "thanks, but no thanks" seems a bit cruel.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #5  August 10,2011, 8:14am
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I have had matches close me after Must Have/Can't Stands (2 or 3), after my answers to the stage 3 essay questions (4 or 5), and even when I sent my 3 questions! I don't take it personally; obviously there was something in my responses that was a deal-breaker (or he got to OC with someone he liked better and closed everyone else, who knows?)
Only once have I closed someone during GC, when his answers to my essay questions was, literally 'Blah blah blah blah blah' to each question, but he still sent me his questions. Any other time, I have waited until the first email to say "I noticed in your MH/CS that you said this, and I am more this - what do you think about the discrepancy here?"
Always better to ask for clarification.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 10,2011, 8:57am
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dowahsippydo wrote :
If you see a red flag during the one of the communication stages, do you close the match right away? Alternately, you could wait until open chat and let them know why your not interested. Which would you prefer to be a recipient of?
I would prefer any form of communication be it actual answers to my questions or being closed right away.

There are certain deal breakers that are not open to interpretation or debate. If this sort of thing is encountered then simply closing is appropriate. Telling your match why you are closing is not likely to even be something they could fix, either with respect to you or for their next match.

If you perceive some sort of red flag based on an answer to a Guided Communication question or in their MHCS then I would not close but continue on to Open Communication where I could ask for a better explanation.
 
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FrankTheGreat is offline FrankTheGreat Post #7  August 10,2011, 9:59am
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I've closed during GC. If I didn't like their answers to "must haves/can't stands" then would close them out. I feel like I did this two or three times but only remember once. And I sent her a message saying I didn't think we were compatible, thanks for the interest, and good luck.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #8  August 10,2011, 10:03am
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dowahsippydo wrote :
If you see a red flag during the one of the communication stages, do you close the match right away? Alternately, you could wait until open chat and let them know why your not interested. Which would you prefer to be a recipient of?
I will close a match if I feel there is a lack of compatibility or if I find said person's pictures to be unappealing. I try not to go through the GC stages with someone unless I find their profile to be interesting or I am curious about said person. If by chance I have a change of heart during the GC process, then I will close the profile.

As for as preference for how I would want someone to treat me, well..I would hope anyone who decides that I am not a match would close me out asap. There is no reason for someone to go to OC stage with me, if she concluded that I am not a good match for her.

So, I would prefer for someone to close me out instead of having me in limbo between the 3rd stage and OC. Whether or not my preference is met and/or taken into consideration is another matter. lol

B.Y.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #9  August 10,2011, 10:52am
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dowahsippydo wrote :
If you see a red flag during the one of the communication stages, do you close the match right away? Alternately, you could wait until open chat and let them know why your not interested. Which would you prefer to be a recipient of?
If you've decided you're not interested, close the match right away. I've never heard of anyone continuing the communication process just to get to open communication to explain why they're not interested. That sounds like a waste of time for everyone involved, not to mention misleading.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #10  August 10,2011, 11:21am
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
Only once have I closed someone during GC, when his answers to my essay questions was, literally 'Blah blah blah blah blah' to each question, but he still sent me his questions.
hahaha! Love it.

I always avoided asking questions that took a lot of work or required in depth revelations and usually received well thought out but not too serious answers in response. One guy answered in as few words as possible (incomplete sentences, almost no info) then sent me the 3 wishes, one thing with the rest of your life, and a conflict resolution question (basically, questions that usu. involve consideration and time). I considered being smart and giving short, ridiculous answers to everything but I was busy so I just closed.

Yes, I will close for a red flag in communication... like laziness and hypocrisy.
Last edited by lunabeach; August 10,2011 at 11:23am.
 
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