laurasue is offline laurasue Post #1  July 21,2011, 5:51pm
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I have tried Eharmony a few times and get very few responses each time. I've tried sending ice breakers and initiating communication with matches, with little success. While I'll never pass for a supermodel, I have been told that I am "cute" (by guys who have met me in person), so I don't think that its my appearance that's limiting the responses. Plus eharmony says they use physical attractiveness in the matching process, so I'm not being matched with guys who are "out of my league". I'm well educated, don't smoke, and drink only occasionally, and want children (I don't yet have any). Feedback is much appreciated!

Here's my profile:

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
The director of my graduate program. By the time he was my age, he had a Ph.d, is the director of a graduate program, is happily married with four children. On top of that, he is just a generally nice guy, is open about his faith without being preachy, a good therapist, and a wonderful supervisor. I saw so much in him that I aspire to be.

What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
I am looking for that "partner-in-crime" kind of relationship. I want someone to share my life with and to do at least some of the activities mentioned below. And then some. Bonus points if you can make me laugh!

Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I've been told that I come off as intelligent and really nice, both of which are completely true! And every once in while, I get asked if I wear tinted contacts. I don't- I just have good eye genes!

Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
I love to read books by Jodi Picoult and Agatha Christie- both authors write books about the human condition. Other than that, I try to keep current in my field (Marriage & Family Therapy), so I do read the Occasional professional journal or book.

Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
am VERY allergic to cats. I like them, they just make me sick. So I don't see a relationship with a cat owner working out.

What are you most passionate about?
Truly helping the individuals and families I work with. There is no greater joy then knowing that you've changed someone's life for the better.

What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
My Family- I have a close and very supportive family. Thanks to my occupation, I know that this is not a given
Getting paid to do something that I love.
Good health

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I like to read, I would like to travel, love to laugh, and I enjoy trying new things. I enjoy doing creative activities, like crafts. I swim a few times a week to keep myself healthy. I have a niece and three nephews that I adore. I am really close to my family, so I spend some time with them as well.

Age: 32
Profession: Family Therapist
Height: 5'6
Last edited by laurasue; July 22,2011 at 4:20am. Reason: edited to change title
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  July 21,2011, 9:25pm
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I'll ask that you add your age and occupation to your OP. It will help in the review of your overall profile. (I'm assuming you're a female based on your first paragraph)
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #3  July 21,2011, 9:56pm
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I don't see any red flags but it's fairly bland. I'm in your age range but I don't get any specific sense of who you are or what you're looking for.

wrote :
I am looking for that "partner-in-crime" kind of relationship. I want someone to share my life with and to do at least some of the activities mentioned below. And then some. Bonus points if you can make me laugh!
Respectfully, you've said absolutely nothing except you want a partner with common interests. Let's break this down bit-by-bit...

"I am looking for that 'partner-in-crime' kind of relationship." - That you're looking for a partner is implied by having your profile on a dating site!

"want someone to share my life with" - That too!

"Bonus points if you can make me laugh!" - EVERY woman wants someone who makes them laugh. In my experience, when a woman is into me everything I say makes her laugh, and when she's not into me nothing I say makes her laugh. It's not about being a comedian.

----

Since the one meaningful comments was sharing activities let's check out your favorite activities--

"I like to read," - Okay. Not that cooperative, but okay.

"I would like to travel" - A more specific phrasing would be good, such as "I'd like to take a couple big trips each year." (or maybe a monthly trip, or maybe an annual trip, or maybe you like roadtrips to Tahoe. I dunno! But the more specific you are the easier it is to connect with a like-minded person.

"love to laugh" - Umm... so does every woman. WHAT do you do for laughs (besides dating a guy you're into).

"I enjoy trying new things." - Like.. what? I've met "New things" people who like to go to as many restaurants as possible and "new things" people who'll do anything for an adrenaline rush, and "new things" people who've actually done nothing but IF someone convinced them they might consider it. Tell me which you are!

"I enjoy doing creative activities, like crafts. I swim a few times a week to keep myself healthy. I have a niece and three nephews that I adore. I am really close to my family, so I spend some time with them as well."

Now this is gold. It provides specific, useful info.

---

So what I got out of this is--

You want someone who regularly does two or more of the following--reads, does crafts, swims, or is a family man.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; July 21,2011 at 10:02pm.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  July 22,2011, 3:50am
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laurasue wrote :
Here's my profile:[/COLOR]

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
The director of my graduate program. By the time he was my age, he had a Ph.d, is(had become?) the director of a graduate program, is (and was?) happily married with four children. On top of that, he is just a generally nice guy(this is faint praise), is open about his faith without being preachy, a good therapist, and a wonderful supervisor. I saw so much in him that I aspire to be.
It's clear this is a man you like, but it's not clear what it is about him that has influenced you. How have you changed because of him?


wrote :
What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
I am looking for that "partner-in-crime" kind of relationship. I want someone to share my life with and to do at least some of the activities mentioned below. And then some. Bonus points if you can make me laugh!
Explain what you mean by "partner-in-crime." Clearly you don't mean it literally, but it's not clear what that would look like. Do you play pranks on people? Do you somehow go against social conventions?

Saying "And then some" seems a bit demanding--as though you want him to do all the things that you do and more! That's asking a lot.


wrote :
Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I've been told that I come off as (appear to be) intelligent and really nice, both of which are completely true! And every once in while, I get asked if I wear tinted contacts. I don't- I just have good eye genes!
..and have surprisingly green (or blue, or brown) eyes.

wrote :
Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
I love to read books by Jodi Picoult and Agatha Christie- both authors write books about the human condition. Other than that, I try to keep current in my field (Marriage & Family Therapy), so I do read the Occasional professional journal or book.
This is good.


wrote :
Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
am VERY allergic to cats. I like them, they just make me sick. So I don't see a relationship with a cat owner working out.
Good to know!

wrote :
What are you most passionate about?
Truly(Not necessary) helping the individuals and families I work with. There is no greater joy then (than) knowing that you've changed someone's life for the better.

What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
My Family- I have a close and very supportive family. Thanks to my occupation, I know that this is not a given
Getting paid to do something that I love.
Good health

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I like to read, I would like to travel, love to laugh, and I enjoy trying new things. I enjoy doing creative activities, like crafts. I swim a few times a week to keep myself healthy. I have a niece and three nephews that I adore. I am really close to my family, so I spend some time with them as well.
I'd like to see a some more illustrations or examples of the attributes that make you good company and/or fun to be with. Otherwise, this is a good profile
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  July 22,2011, 4:26am
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Your profile is not off putting...it just needs some "wow"..
...something to make me think: she sounds cool, I want to meet her!
some humor would help...
The first thing I think of with a therapist/counselor is dry, boring...so show that you, are not.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  July 22,2011, 1:51pm
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Coming from a guy your profile isn't bad...it could use a few tweaks like more details in where you want to travel to. Give an example of a past new experience things

You can come of as a women who wants the man to plan everything and rescue me.

It's possible your profile pics aren't good where it doesn't show of your cuteness factor.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  July 22,2011, 1:54pm
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A few other things...eharmony doesnot factor in attractiveness ...how can it if no photo in profile.

There are quite a few dead profiles in the system so it's possible these guy you send questions o can't respond. Look at who viewed you and who updated their profile to see who is alive.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #8  July 23,2011, 11:41am
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ami1uwant wrote :
A few other things...eharmony doesnot factor in attractiveness ...how can it if no photo in profile.
If I recall correctly one of the questions they ask when you sign-up is how do you rate your own attractiveness and how important is the attractiveness of your partner? It's not unforseeable that maybe they won't match someone who rates their attractiveness as '3' with someone who rates their attractiveness as '9' AND says that the attractiveness of their partner is very important. But I'm just guessing here!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  July 23,2011, 12:27pm
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My reactions are in blue text. Red highlight I applied to your text is something which makes me especially likely to close; green highlight is something which makes me especially inclined to write.

Keep in mind that a large percentage of matches are abandoned profiles, or non-paying members, and will not write or reply for that reason.

Matches who view and don't write, or close you, are the ones to be more concerned over - especially those who were active during a free weekend.

laurasue wrote :
Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
The director of my graduate program. By the time he was my age, he had a Ph.d, is the director of a graduate program, is happily married with four children. On top of that, he is just a generally nice guy, is open about his faith without being preachy, a good therapist, and a wonderful supervisor. I saw so much in him that I aspire to be.


Occupational or educational influences are my favorite answers, so I like this choice.

It is lacking, in that there is nothing here about you. I would prefer to see something added that sneaks in a good trait about you.


What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
I am looking for that "partner-in-crime" kind of relationship. I want someone to share my life with and to do at least some of the activities mentioned below. And then some. Bonus points if you can make me laugh!


Okay. This is benign, and that's better than most profiles.

Personally, I would avoid slang phrasing or pop-culture referances (especially if you are in a community or demographic where there are a decent percentage of persons who may not be US nationals, and you are also open to such persons.)


Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
I've been told that I come off as intelligent and really nice, both of which are completely true! And every once in while, I get asked if I wear tinted contacts. I don't- I just have good eye genes!


Don't write "I've been told" or "people say."

Every person I met who did this proved to be overstating (at best.)

Lose the exclamation points - they just seem juvinile.


Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
I love to read books by Jodi Picoult and Agatha Christie- both authors write books about the human condition. Other than that, I try to keep current in my field (Marriage & Family Therapy), so I do read the Occasional professional journal or book.


Nothing in this about you.


Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
am VERY allergic to cats. I like them, they just make me sick. So I don't see a relationship with a cat owner working out.


Useful detail.

I'd try to add somthing positive, as well, but this content is itself fine.


What are you most passionate about?
Truly helping the individuals and families I work with. There is no greater joy then knowing that you've changed someone's life for the better.


Although I like occupational answers, this is not telling me anything about how your presence will impact my life.

I would add to this answer, while keeping it connected to the theme (no lists.)


What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
My Family- I have a close and very supportive family. Thanks to my occupation, I know that this is not a given
Getting paid to do something that I love.
Good health

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
I like to read, I would like to travel, love to laugh, and I enjoy trying new things. I enjoy doing creative activities, like crafts. I swim a few times a week to keep myself healthy. I have a niece and three nephews that I adore. I am really close to my family, so I spend some time with them as well.


This is not a good answer:

- Basically, there is nothing here that fits with me (or, I imagine, many young adult males.) Reading, your family's children, crafts ... seriously, this sounds like my grandmother.

- Wanting to travel, but not traveling, is risky (there is a widespread view that women looking for men to bankroll their travel hobby are plentiful on dating sites.) I would restate this (since the reality is probably that it conflicted with your education in the past.)


Age: 32
Profession: Family Therapist
Height: 5'6

This profile is benign, and largely free from the common reasons I'd close.

For me, the lack of any matching leisure / interests would keep me from communicating if I had better options. In the absence of options, and if you were local, I would likely be willing to meet and see if you seemed a better fit in person.

It could be that it will seem boring to many men, but overall it works for me.
 
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