This is hard and I need to take a break from online dating


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DreamGetaway is offline DreamGetaway Post #1  July 4,2011, 6:05am
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I am starting to wonder about the profiles I am receiving...are they active members? I've decided anyone that is active over 3 weeks ago is a non-subscriber. Someone here posted ice breakers are also non-subscribers.

The funny thing is during the past 6 months only a few men have actually started communication and then it drops off before ever getting to a meeting. Once I cancel my subscription men are viewing my profile almost daily....hmm that was never my experience during my subscription.

I have been a member on and off for 3 years and have only met one guy from Eh. He was nice but MUCH MUCH older than his profile or pictures. We looked like father and daughter by 30 years. It was very uncomfortable for me but I finished the date and was appreciative of his romantic gesture.

I decided to test my therory and contacted 300 of the profiles that had accumulated in my communication stream during the past 3 years. From the 300 whose status read active over 3 weeks ago only 30 viewed my profile or initiated communication. From those 30 only 10 resulted in a phone call or a coffee meeting. From the 10 I would not have a second date with any of them due to their omission of critical information during the phone call. (i.e. several mentioned their older children during the phone call but failed to tell me they have fathered a child in the last 2 years and they are in their mid 50's....umm no thanks!)

What gives with men viewing your profile repeatedly but never communicating? (Come on they can not all be a result of wank time)

I am starting to wonder if this is a system generated feature and not something from the actual person.

Anyway I am going to cancel my 3 month subscription a month early...I am just frustrated by wasting so much time on this with very little or no results over the past 3 years.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #2  July 4,2011, 6:47am
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DreamGetaway wrote :
From those 30 only 10 resulted in a phone call or a coffee meeting.
10 dates out of 30 matches? Those are GREAT results! In 9 months of online dating, I have had 5 (first) dates. No second dates. Sounds like you're having great success online. I would not quit just yet if I were you.
 
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maffif is online now maffif Post #3  July 4,2011, 6:49am
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I know it can be frustrating. It has been very slow for me, too.
I have had GC with several guys, but it has stopped at some point with most before reaching email. I have made it to email with 4 in the last month. I have talked to 3 of those on the phone. The strange thing is all three suggested meeting but made no specific plans. One I was glad we didn't meet. One was long distance and was going to figure a place for us to meet and then nothing. I am supposed to meet one later this week. We will see if this one actually follows through, not holding my breath.

Personally, since you only have a month left, I would wait out the month and just make sure your subscription doesn't renew. It can't hurt. You can sit back and wait to see who responds to you or you can make the most of your last month by contacting as many matches as possible.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #4  July 4,2011, 6:52am
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When it becomes frustrating or you start to lose perspective (like considering someone who reminds you of Jonah Hill and not in a good way), that's a good time to take a break and clear your head. When it feels like it could be fun again or you feel restored and ready to dive back in, re-activate the account. I'm very on and off - I only do the online thing when it sounds fun. If I would rather be out with friends or at home studying (yeah, sometimes supply chain management sounds like more fun than spending an hour over coffee with a stranger who, more often than not, is boring and awkward), then that's what I do.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  July 4,2011, 7:00am
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DreamGetaway wrote :
I am starting to wonder about the profiles I am receiving...are they active members? I've decided anyone that is active over 3 weeks ago is a non-subscriber. Someone here posted ice breakers are also non-subscribers.

The funny thing is during the past 6 months only a few men have actually started communication and then it drops off before ever getting to a meeting. Once I cancel my subscription men are viewing my profile almost daily....hmm that was never my experience during my subscription.

I have been a member on and off for 3 years and have only met one guy from Eh. He was nice but MUCH MUCH older than his profile or pictures. We looked like father and daughter by 30 years. It was very uncomfortable for me but I finished the date and was appreciative of his romantic gesture.

I decided to test my therory and contacted 300 of the profiles that had accumulated in my communication stream during the past 3 years. From the 300 whose status read active over 3 weeks ago only 30 viewed my profile or initiated communication. From those 30 only 10 resulted in a phone call or a coffee meeting. From the 10 I would not have a second date with any of them due to their omission of critical information during the phone call. (i.e. several mentioned their older children during the phone call but failed to tell me they have fathered a child in the last 2 years and they are in their mid 50's....umm no thanks!)

What gives with men viewing your profile repeatedly but never communicating? (Come on they can not all be a result of wank time)

I am starting to wonder if this is a system generated feature and not something from the actual person.

Anyway I am going to cancel my 3 month subscription a month early...I am just frustrated by wasting so much time on this with very little or no results over the past 3 years.
hmmm..
I noticed in your rant that you didn't mention that you were doing any of the initiating?
so are you?
 
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PictureImperfect is offline PictureImperfect Post #6  July 4,2011, 7:00am
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mitchell175 wrote :
10 dates out of 30 matches? Those are GREAT results! In 9 months of online dating, I have had 5 (first) dates. No second dates. Sounds like you're having great success online. I would not quit just yet if I were you.
Indeed!

Over a span of about 10 months, eHarmony sent me about 300 matches, I think. Not even 10 of these either sent or replied to first questions! (None was local, either, which might have been a factor.) I had only one first date, and I am with him to this day, almost a year and a half later.

I wouldn't give up quite so fast, unless you're having better luck meeting people in real life or if your perceived lack of success is getting you down.

One thing to remember, regarding your point about men viewing and not initiating, is that some, maybe even most, of the men viewing your profile might not be paying members, so until a free weekend comes along, they can't contact you in any way. (Except maybe icebreakers?) I was one such member for about six of those 10 months.
Last edited by PictureImperfect; July 4,2011 at 11:53am. Reason: Changed "four" months to "six."
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #7  July 4,2011, 8:53am
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Sorry to read that you haven't had any favorable experiences on eH. I will assure you that your delimma isn't gender specific. From a man's POV, even if I initiate contact, that doesn't mean that said match will respond in kind. Most time, they simply close me out, so maybe some guys don't want to deal with rejection. Also, women window shop just like men. People in general do the aformentioned.

If you need to take a break from online dating, then do so. But, I will tell you that you will still go through the same bs if you decide to rejoin or go to other sites. Whoever is meant to come into your life will do so when the time is right. Also, don't count out meeting people IRL. Maybe you can meet someone in your area, at the gym, at a library or grocery store or church?

It is tough out there, but be strong and resilient and you will eventually find your beau.

Good luck!

B.Y.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #8  July 4,2011, 9:52am
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BabyYoda wrote :
Also, don't count out meeting people IRL. Maybe you can meet someone in your area, at the gym, at a library or grocery store or church?
This is good advice, and I hear that a lot on the boards. However... does anyone really only use online dating, even when they are frustrated by online dating, and not even consider meeting people in their daily life?

Personally, I only do online dating because I need to widen my search. I figure if I don't even try it, I can't say "Well, I tried everything." I certainly don't do it because I think that online dating is "better" - because my experience so far has not supported that conclusion.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #9  July 4,2011, 10:11am
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mitchell175 wrote :
This is good advice, and I hear that a lot on the boards. However... does anyone really only use online dating, even when they are frustrated by online dating, and not even consider meeting people in their daily life?
Some might be not actively trying to meet someone. If someone comes along great, but they aren't going to go out of their way to try to meet new people. On the other hand, these are probably also the same people that put a very minimal effort into online dating, but still hope it will work some sort of magic and deliver the person of their dreams to their doorstep.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #10  July 4,2011, 10:24am
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mitchell175 wrote :
This is good advice, and I hear that a lot on the boards. However... does anyone really only use online dating, even when they are frustrated by online dating, and not even consider meeting people in their daily life?
I think a lot of people use online dating sites as a sole means of meeting people. People cite being too busy as a reason for taking this approach, but in reality, all of us can meet anyone, anywhere at anytime.

wrote :
Personally, I only do online dating because I need to widen my search. I figure if I don't even try it, I can't say "Well, I tried everything." I certainly don't do it because I think that online dating is "better" - because my experience so far has not supported that conclusion.
For some odd reason, there is sense of "security" and "anonymity" associated with online dating. Plus, it is very convenient. I think of it the same way of shopping online or ordering take out. You can shop for a mate at the comfort of your own home or phone. Lastly, some people are not social butterflies and have a difficult time putting themselves out there in the real world. Proabably don't make eye contact with people in public let alone flirt or give off inviting vibes.

I don't have a problem w/ the OP taking a break. Maybe that is what she needs to do in order to get her mind right. Being frustrated and whatnot will only further complicate matters. I know from experience.

B.Y.
 
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