Heyyall is offline Heyyall Post #1  June 30,2011, 9:16am

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Hi,

I am wondering if I am self-sabotaging my chances here. I am 29, and take care of my 2 toddlers. I have a good job, a house, I'm organized and I think I'm cute.

The first thing I mention on my profile is my children. They come up a few times after that also. I feel like it's important that I am very upfront about them.

Now I've been on the site for a month and have only communicated with one person. No one answers my guided communication requests. I figure I'm really uninteresting, or I'm doing something wrong.

Any advice?
Last edited by Heyyall; June 30,2011 at 9:18am. Reason: Spelling
 
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GoldSpider is offline GoldSpider Post #2  June 30,2011, 9:25am
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Disclaimer: I don't have kids so my perspective might be a bit wanting.

I would encourage you to communicate how your kids factor into your dating life. However prospective matches are looking to get to know YOU, not your kids (at least initially!) Too much emphasis on your kids may be taking away from the things your matches may want to know about you, or in some cases, possibly mask your enthusiasm for dating.

I haven't seen your profile, so take my $0.02 for what it is.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #3  June 30,2011, 9:33am
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Why don't you post your profile for review.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #4  June 30,2011, 9:38am
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tangochef wrote :
Why don't you post your profile for review.
Yep. Sometimes what you might see as a few harmless references to your kids (and I am a mom myself) reads like KIDS KIDS KIDS.
Last edited by Dropdeadredtx; June 30,2011 at 9:44am.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #5  June 30,2011, 9:53am
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Heyyall wrote :
Hi, I am wondering if I am self-sabotaging my chances here. The first thing I mention on my profile is my children. They come up a few times after that also. I feel like it's important that I am very upfront about them.
It depends. (1) Yes, you SHOULD be up-front that you have kids and how old they are. I list them under things I'm thankful for, I include one pic of them, and I talk about children in one stage 3 question. That avoids wasting time with men who aren't open to your life situation. (2) You profile SHOULDN'T focus on your kids. You are the one we are deciding whether to date. I want to know what spending an evening or weekend with you will be like. That's what will be crucial in deciding whether to meet you. And I sure hope your kids won't be coming on our dates!
 
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Heyyall is offline Heyyall Post #6  June 30,2011, 10:06am

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What are you most passionate about?
I'm most passionate about finding and creating awesome activities for my children. I love to run. I have what I believe to be the best job in the World. I get really excited about playing sports and being outdoors. I am very enthusiastic about new foods, cultures and places.

The most important thing I'm looking for in a partner is:
Kindness compassion, if you're fun and funny, it's always a plus.

Most influential person:

I have to say my best friend Lana. She is the most down-to-earth, uncomplicated, non-judgmental person I know. She is always so easy-going and really puts things back into perspective when I am too hard on myself.


First thing people notice about you:

I'm happy and smily.

Most thankful for:

My (little) children. They keep me grounded.
The fact that my body will still allow me to run and do all the sports I want. Which in turn allows me to have the best job in the World.
Most days, I get to give, in one way or another. It reminds me that I myself despite some setbacks, must be in an awesome place, if I still have the ressources to give to others.


There's more, but I think that's the bulk of it.

Suggestions???
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  June 30,2011, 10:13am
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This is response to your OP and not to your profile review.

General rule is that you should not mention anything more than once in your profile. It does not matter if it is your children, religion, an activity, etc. You have limited space to display who you are and mentioning the same thing several times makes you look very one dimensional.

The reason that you are not getting much communication could well be that most of your matches are non-paying members who cannot respond.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #8  June 30,2011, 10:32am
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Heyyall wrote :
What are you most passionate about?
I'm most passionate about finding and creating awesome activities for my children. I love to run. I have what I believe to be the best job in the World. I get really excited about playing sports and being outdoors. I am very enthusiastic about new foods, cultures and places.

This a laundry list. I'd stick to the running and job stuff...both of which make you sound interesting in your own right. You say below they are connected...expand on that here.

The most important thing I'm looking for in a partner is:
Kindness AND? compassion, if you're fun and funny, it's always a plus.

Most influential person:

[Delete: I have to say ] my best friend Lana. She is the most down-to-earth, uncomplicated, non-judgmental person I know. She is always so easy-going and really puts things back into perspective when I am too hard on myself.

Good. Although some readers might read the too hard on myself as a problem....can you give an example? I mean no one wants to be with the person who is always bemoaning "I suck..." etc.


First thing people notice about you:

I'm happy and smily.

Smiley? Watch spelling and grammar.

Most thankful for:

My (little) children. They keep me grounded.
The fact that my body will still allow me to run and do all the sports I want. Which in turn allows me to have the best job in the World.
Most days, I get to give, in one way or another. It reminds me that I myself despite some setbacks, must be in an awesome place, if I still have the ressources to give to others. This one actually reads negatively to me.


There's more, but I think that's the bulk of it.

Suggestions???
Mention your kids once. And not in the passion section. Guys might love a woman who is nurturing but she isn't going to get dates because of it. You need to be interesting in your own right.

Some readers like to know their approx ages/stages so they know where you both are...ie pampers or prom.

Where are your "five things?" Include things that will give info about you and your life. The smell of bacon. A hot shower after a morning run. Etc.

Use sensory language. Check out some of the other profiles listed in the using eharmony tab here.


You seem pretty cool. If you are fit and have good pics you should be good.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  June 30,2011, 11:18am
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Ou need to show all the profile...and do it on a new thread.

The kids will be an issue with men who are younger than you. But if you target men in their early to mid 30s they may be more open to it if they want a family.

In fact there is one if you scroll down the threads of a man in the target age who loves kids. Talk to him.
 
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Heyyall is offline Heyyall Post #10  June 30,2011, 12:05pm

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Kikiaz, thank you for your clear response. I made modifications already! And I am looking for someone older, without discriminating against younger men. Although I still have very little discriminating to do at this point!

Thank you all for your help.
 
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