Communicate with Everyone?


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climbthewall is offline climbthewall Post #1  June 30,2011, 8:59am
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I'm a female, and I tend to start guided communication with almost every single match I recieve (aside from the rare guy that says something in his profile that is a really big turn-off). I believe essentially everyone deserves a chance, regardless of their looks or interests.

Many matches close communication with me quickly (maybe they don't find me attractive or my profile interesting), but some respond. I then proceed to continue the back-and-forth until I am absolutely positive it could never work with that person. I'm quick to reply and give sincere, developed responses.

My questions for the guys out there:
How do you feel about the girl starting the guided communication?
Do you respond to communication from almost anyone or do you only respond to those you are seriously interested in?
If you like to keep an open mind, do you respond more quickly to communication from matches you are more interested in or do you respond quickly to everyone?

I'm wondering if my matches assume I am seriously interested in them simply because I start communication, and I'm wondering if my matches are actually interested in me when they respond in a timely manner or if they are simply "giving me a chance" the way that I am "giving them a chance." I don't want to lead anyone on. I'm just now sure if my style is common.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #2  June 30,2011, 9:20am
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I am not a guy, but I can say that I pretty much handled things on EH the same way as you. Starting communication, or continuing communication, or even responding quickly are not clear signs of "interest".

I think the only way to have success on EH is to communicate with as many matches as possible. This does not mean meet as many matches as possible. But, you're never going to know who is worth meeting without going through the communication process.

Think of it just like in real life, if you met someone, you are not going to know immediately if you would want to go on a date with them. You're going to talk to them, learn a little about them. Do you think that is "leading them on" by indicating that you want to go out with them? In that case, you would never talk to anyone IRL that you didn't know you wanted to date. And that's just ridiculous.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #3  June 30,2011, 9:31am
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climbthewall wrote :
...

My questions for the guys out there:
How do you feel about the girl starting the guided communication?
The only thing I'd know is that she is a paid member, and that is a good thing.
Do you respond to communication from almost anyone or do you only respond to those you are seriously interested in?
I only respond to those that I am interested in, and close the rest.
If you like to keep an open mind, do you respond more quickly to communication from matches you are more interested in or do you respond quickly to everyone?
See above.
I'm wondering if my matches assume I am seriously interested in them simply because I start communication, and I'm wondering if my matches are actually interested in me when they respond in a timely manner or if they are simply "giving me a chance" the way that I am "giving them a chance." I don't want to lead anyone on. I'm just now sure if my style is common.
It is hard to say why they are responding. To me it would not make sense to start conversations with someone who does not post a picture or the pictures do not appeal to me.

I do "give a chance" to someone that passes the picture test, but the profile is somewhat lacking. I figure then it is just a matter of information gathering.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #4  June 30,2011, 10:07am
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climbthewall wrote :
I believe essentially everyone deserves a chance, regardless of their looks or interests.
I don't open communication with every match any more than I would chat-up every random stranger on a street.

wrote :
How do you feel about the girl starting the guided communication?
Been asked here many times. The vast majority like it. A few don't.

wrote :
Do you respond to communication from almost anyone or do you only respond to those you are seriously interested in?
Anyone who doesn't have dealbreakers--no common interests, a face I could never love, etc--I would answer if they initiated.

wrote :
If you like to keep an open mind, do you respond more quickly to communication from matches you are more interested in or do you respond quickly to everyone?
It depends. Sometimes the frequency of my replies is dictated by interest, sometimes it's dictated by my schedule.

wrote :
I don't want to lead anyone on. I'm just now sure if my style is common.
Lead on!? Stage 1 and 2 only take a few minutes! I generally have invested next to no time and hardly remember these.

But I do take a moment before entering stage 3 to seriously ask myself whether I would conceivably go out on a date with them before I ask or answer such questions. I mean, they take 15 min of each other's time, sometimes more. That's somewhat of a commitment.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  June 30,2011, 10:07am
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climbthewall wrote :
My questions for the guys out there:
How do you feel about the girl starting the guided communication?
Love it, it is a rare occurrence.
Do you respond to communication from almost anyone or do you only respond to those you are seriously interested in?
I will respond to all communications from a match unless there was something in her profile that was a deal breaker for me and she had sent First Questions before I had even looked at her profile.
If you like to keep an open mind, do you respond more quickly to communication from matches you are more interested in or do you respond quickly to everyone?
I respond quickly to everyone. Sometimes less quickly because they may have asked a question that has me a bit stumped on how to answer.

I'm wondering if my matches assume I am seriously interested in them simply because I start communication, and I'm wondering if my matches are actually interested in me when they respond in a timely manner or if they are simply "giving me a chance" the way that I am "giving them a chance." I don't want to lead anyone on. I'm just now sure if my style is common.
Very few people will send First Questions to someone they are not truly interested in. Therefore, possibly naively, I assume that if a girl has sent me First Questions she has some level of interest in me based on what is in my profile.

Though based on the last match that communicated with me on eHarmony my naivety may be much greater than I think it is.
Comments above in red.
 
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climbthewall is offline climbthewall Post #6  June 30,2011, 10:55am
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Interesting. Yeah, I can see why people stop and think about entering stage 3.

On an interesting note, I recently started conversation with a guy that moved rather quickly to stage 3. He was quick to reply to my prompts and even initated stages 2 and 3. I sent him my responses to the stage 3 questions and asked some back. No response or close. Hmm. Why would someone ask you stage 3 questions but not be kind enough to offer their own answers? Maybe my answers led to his disinterest? Perhaps he wasn't interested enough to answer questions, but then why would he ask me to do so? Has anyone else had someone initate stage 3 but then not respond with their own answers? Maybe I'm just fast at responding to the tough questions.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #7  June 30,2011, 11:42am
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climbthewall wrote :
... I sent him my responses to the stage 3 questions and asked some back. No response or close. Hmm. Why would someone ask you stage 3 questions but not be kind enough to offer their own answers?
...
Has anyone else had someone initate stage 3 but then not respond with their own answers? Maybe I'm just fast at responding to the tough questions.
Stages 1 & 2, I can read and respond even while driving via my iPhone.

Stage 3 answers require for me to have some time to think at my computer. If I am busy, I might take a day or two to respond.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #8  June 30,2011, 1:35pm
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climbthewall wrote :
Hmm. Why would someone ask you stage 3 questions but not be kind enough to offer their own answers? Maybe my answers led to his disinterest? Perhaps he wasn't interested enough to answer questions, but then why would he ask me to do so? Has anyone else had someone initate stage 3 but then not respond with their own answers? Maybe I'm just fast at responding to the tough questions.
You could sit here and second guess yourself all day long, and try to guess this guy's motivation... and all you're going to do is drive yourself crazy. That's why I stopped paying much attention to my matches until we got into OC (except for answering the questions). Before that, they could poof and stop responding at any time.
 
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climbthewall is offline climbthewall Post #9  June 30,2011, 2:38pm
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That's probably a good rule of thumb. But I think stage 3 is more like OC than stages 1 & 2. Because of the thought that goes into answering second questions, it's sort of rude to expect someone to spend that time as if they were simply clicking buttons. I'm just curious how many days most people wait for stage 3 answers before closing (especially if the person you are waiting on is the one who initiated the stage). I don't want to put many eggs in one basket, but I don't want to close out someone because they were thinking about the answers to send, either.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #10  June 30,2011, 3:02pm
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climbthewall vbmenu_register("postmenu_1372950", true);
climbthewall - Well, a few days ago I had a very interesting match and it took me... about 3 hours to read her answers and send my questions. A couple months ago it took me two weeks because I was going through a "busy phase" at work. Most of my matches waited--one didn't. ::shrug::
 
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