Should women initiate communication?


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prenticebv is offline prenticebv Post #1  June 27,2011, 3:22am
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Hello,

I have an issue that I would love to get some advice on! I'm a conservative Christian, who believes that men should initiate if they're interested. At the same time though, I understand that this is a dating website and not exactly like real life. I'm unsure of what to do because I'm torn, most of the matches I'm interested in have viewed my profile ( I get about seven matches a day) but they don't initiate! Of course some of them might not be interested which is fine, but they don't close me! So do I take a leap and contact them? Or should I still keep to seeing if they will pursue me? Also, would sending a smile be hint enough that I was interested without fully being the pursuer?

 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  June 27,2011, 3:31am
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I'd forget about the smiles or icebreakers and initiate contact...
My feeling is: you're paying a fee, so don't sit on the bench..get into the game.

And if you are talking about EH, the icebreakers could be construed as a non payer, who is unable to initiate anyway..
also, you mention being a conservative Christian ...

You might want to have your profile reviewed here, as we see many conservative "religious" profiles mentioning God in every other sentence, and this will turn off many potentially good matches..
 
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prenticebv is offline prenticebv Post #3  June 27,2011, 3:58am
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Thanks for the advice, as far as having God in every other sentence, that's not really the case. Also, my profile is very similar to the matches I'm receiving, so I don't feel that would be it. Oh, I've also had my profile reviewed before ( I was a member over a year ago, but then canceled my membership. I decided to rejoin though) and was not given negative feedback on it.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  June 27,2011, 5:16am
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As The Thinker said you are a paying member and have every right to use every part of the service that you are paying for. That includes initiating by sending First Questions.

Also as The Thinker said don't send Smiles or IceBreakers. An IceBreaker is widely viewed as an indication the person is a non-paying member. Many people will not respond to IceBreakers and some will close when they receive one.

As for your concept (and that of many other women) that you should wait for the man to initiate contact believing that by doing that he is showing interest. I ask you what does your not being willing to initiate contact with a man say about YOUR interest???

As for your whole attitude that being a "conservative Christian" has some bearing on your dating situation. Let me direct you to How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud and Boundaries in Dating By Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Both authors are mega conservative Christian and address your very concerns about Christian dating.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  June 27,2011, 9:07am
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the first person to view a profile should be the one to initiate.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  June 27,2011, 10:31am
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prenticebv wrote :
I'm torn, most of the matches I'm interested in have viewed my profile ( I get about seven matches a day) but they don't initiate! Of course some of them might not be interested which is fine, but they don't close me! So do I take a leap and contact them? Or should I still keep to seeing if they will pursue me?
If you want to have far fewer options because it's imperative that the guy initiate everything, that's up to you. The more genuine interest you're willing to show (on eH, dates, and phone calls), the more discerning you can about other aspects of your mates.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  June 27,2011, 10:46am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
the first person to view a profile should be the one to initiate.
"Should be" - but we all know this is not always the case. (Or not usually the case?)

I think a lot of people get pretty jaded with online dating, and start thinking "Aw, heck, why do I always have to initiate? Let them do it". Or, they say "I've got these other (better looking) matches that I hope will respond... I'll wait on this one". Or any of a hundred other reasons.

If you want to get the most out of the money you are paying for EH, send first GC questions to any match that you think you might want to meet. And then forget about them.
 
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HistoryGrad79 is offline HistoryGrad79 Post #8  June 27,2011, 12:40pm
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Yes, I've noticed that a great many of my matches look at my profile without initiating, but also without closing, and often look at it more than once! (There is even one who I believe is a closed match on both ends that somehow seems to keep showing up on my view list...but that's another story altogether.) So I figure that I'm not going to have much progress if I don't do some of the initiating. Or quite a bit of the initiating, as it has turned out.

I suppose my tendency to reach out first may alienate some men, and in fact I would appreciate more initiation on their part as well, but I agree with those who've said you might as well get what you pay for out of this service!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  June 27,2011, 12:50pm
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
the first person to view a profile should be the one to initiate.
Only if they are interested
 
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prenticebv is offline prenticebv Post #10  June 27,2011, 1:34pm
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great! thanks guys for all the help! I will think on what do and try and make the best decision for me. I'll remember not to send icebreakers though, and try and remember that this isn't really like a normal situation. If I'm paying I should take full advantage of that. Thanks everyone.
 
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