KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #11  June 27,2011, 10:30am
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My critique is along the lines of what you have already heard: we get you love art, your dog and your daughter. So...what else...

First, you can include a bit more about each. My 7 year-old greyhound Misty. OR even finesse it and maybe add SENSORY language....early morning walks in the woods with my 7 year old dog Misty.
You can/should hint at how old your daughter is. People like to know if you are in the same "stage" as them...soccer/prom or diapers. I liked it when guys would hint at their schedule with their kids in "additional info" eg I have my daughter every other week.

Second, make BETTER use of the places where you double dip into those ideas. Replace them. Be more, be broader than simply the guy who likes art, his dog and daughter.

Be specific. Make "me too" places....love sushi? love Tom Watts? love disco? love sf&f?

Best.
 
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