Profile Review Please! 25/F/UT


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sr71blackbird is offline sr71blackbird Post #21  June 26,2011, 5:22pm
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freeml wrote :
Some additional information I want you to know:

Please don't think that just because I live in Utah, I am ultra-conservative or any other Utah stereotype (and I'm sure you've heard a few!). Just to be clear: I am NOT LDS/Mormon. I followed my parents when they moved to Utah about 3 years ago. I plan to move out of state in the next few years, but I have no idea where to yet! I want to explore the U.S. to find the best place for me to live. I've done the snow thing, I've done the desert thing, and now I'm thinking maybe I should head for the coast?
Two things strike me about this post:

First, by talking about the stereotypes about Utah, you are coming across as being really negative about it. Outside of being Mormon, I don't know of any stereotypes about Utah. (I don't picture Utah as being an Ultra conservative place either.) If I were you, I'd take out all references to Ultra conservative and Utah stereotypes and just say what you are.


Second, it sounds like you are desparate to get out of Utah. Rather than couch it in those terms, talk about the type of place that you would want to go.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #22  June 26,2011, 8:00pm
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First, I agree with most of the comments already made.

I would suggest, however, that you take a step back and rethink your approach to writing this profile altogether.

First, take a look at 50 or so of the profiles at eHarmony and get a feel for what matches in your age range are looking for. And while you are at it, notice something else. After a while, all these profiles sound distressingly similar. Everyone's loyal and kind. Everyone's living life to the fullest or some version thereof. Everyone wants someone amazing and every other adjective under the sun. blah blah blah the list of adjectives go on and on and on. It's so boring!

Your goal then is two-fold. First, a profile that is different. And second a profile that illustrates your most attractive qualities to a member of the opposite sex in a way that isn't boring because it doesn't just list a bunch of adjectives, it tells little stories about you.

To do this, take a little time to think on what are the five most attractive traits you possess that make you a great catch to a member of the opposite sex. Then think of some one or two-sentence stories that will illustrate the trait.

For example, kindness: I'm the type of person who checks the meter next to mine and if it's running low I stick another quarter in.

These specifics are really kind of important. We don't really trust what people tell us about themselves, and saying you are great or whatever just tends to make you seem either conceited or out of touch with reality. But we will believe what we ourselves conclude about a person, so examples illustrating who you are will allow the match to say, "Aha! A kind person!"

Weave your little stories into your answers to the eHarmony profile here and there as they seem most appropriate. Use transition words — but, although, however — to segway from answering the question to the new information. People will generally be forgiving of this.

If you happen to generate more stories than you need for the profile, save them to sprinkle into the guided communication process when they seem appropriate or use them in open communication. We all connect based on stories, and these will help you break the ice and build a connection with the person.

Do a similar thing in the about him/her section. Think about past dates, past significant others or just cool things you saw in a movie that illustrate what traits you're looking for. Tell us one-sentence stories about them.

For example, generosity: You'd be the type of person who gives a $10 to a bonafide homeless person.

Doing it this way lets you state in a positive way the type of person you're looking for without seeming demanding. And no, the specifics aren't really a turn-off because most people will relate to the general trait described rather than hone in on the specific detail that illustrates it.

Lastly, try to make the stories light, fun and playful so that you demonstrate one other thing about yourself — you are happy and positive about life, a fun person to be around.

Good luck with your search.
 
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freeml is offline freeml Post #23  June 27,2011, 4:12pm
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nightling,
That is awesome advice! Thank you!

I don't think my profile writing will ever be done!
 
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