Why would he look at my profile if HE closed ME?


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freeml is offline freeml Post #1  June 25,2011, 12:54pm
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I sent my first questions to a guy and he responded right away. In his first questions, he asked the infamous premarital sex question (he is actually the THIRD guy in a row to ask me that during first questions...what's with that?!). I decided to answer with the "strictest" of the choices (no PM sex at all). Even though I am still a virgin, I don't necessarily plan to stay that way until marriage, but I also have no idea how much of a commitment I would want before having sex, so I figured I may as well see if he'd be willing to wait. Well, he closed me right away (I'm not surprised). Since he closed me, I closed him, and then today I noticed that he checked out my profile again. Why would he look at me if he closed me? And now that we've closed each other, there's no way for us to open it back up anyway right?
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #2  June 25,2011, 1:24pm
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First - why didn't you answer honestly? Don't answer to hedge your bets, don't answer to "test", don't answer to conform to what you imagine they want. They can only take you at your word, so supply it honestly. In this case a, "Sex is part of a committed relationship for me but I'm not sure what that timeline is" would work. (p.s. sharing that you're a virgin is generally considered too much at this stage - someone unscrupulous may view it as a challenge)

Who knows why he looked? If he wanted to open it again, he could call customer service - they'd send you an email asking if you'd like to reopen. If you'd like to share your real answer with him, you could consider contacting customer service.
Last edited by lunabeach; June 25,2011 at 1:29pm.
 
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charmingphlsphr is offline charmingphlsphr Post #3  June 25,2011, 1:29pm
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freeml wrote :
I sent my first questions to a guy and he responded right away. In his first questions, he asked the infamous premarital sex question (he is actually the THIRD guy in a row to ask me that during first questions...what's with that?!). I decided to answer with the "strictest" of the choices (no PM sex at all). Even though I am still a virgin, I don't necessarily plan to stay that way until marriage, but I also have no idea how much of a commitment I would want before having sex, so I figured I may as well see if he'd be willing to wait. Well, he closed me right away (I'm not surprised). Since he closed me, I closed him, and then today I noticed that he checked out my profile again. Why would he look at me if he closed me? And now that we've closed each other, there's no way for us to open it back up anyway right?
He probably did it to see if he acted a little out of haste. As for the question, I am sure most ask to see if you are going to be open to sex. I only ask that to ensure the woman is waiting.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #4  June 25,2011, 1:48pm
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charmingphlsphr wrote :
As for the question, I am sure most ask to see if you are going to be open to sex. I only ask that to ensure the woman is waiting.
I don't think I was ever asked this, but my assumption would be that there are two reasons for asking 1) a filter, looking for women who believe in waiting and 2) a filter based on baggage after being in a relationship with someone who wanted to wait and not sharing the conviction. While I understand the viewpoint of the second, experience has made me uneasy of people who base their filters solely on the previous (usu. recent) relationship.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #5  June 25,2011, 2:02pm
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freeml wrote :
In his first questions, he asked the infamous premarital sex question (he is actually the THIRD guy in a row to ask me that during first questions...what's with that?!).
What's up with that? He either wants to whether you're too casual (sex on first dates) or too conservative (sex after marriage). It's just another question to determine compatibility.

wrote :
I decided to answer with the "strictest" of the choices (no PM sex at all).... I don't necessarily plan to stay that way until marriage.. I figured I may as well see if he'd be willing to wait.
That sounds... foolish. Exceedingly few men will wait for marriage if you have not revealed you're a virgin. Why not just give an honest answer like, "I'm not sure exactly, but not in the first 6mo."

wrote :
Well, he closed me right away (I'm not surprised).
I'm not either. Almost any man would, even ones who would've been very patient if you were honest with them.

wrote :
Since he closed me, I closed him,
I don't follow. Why did you close him?

wrote :
Why would he look at me if he closed me?
He may have reconsidered and decided you were worth the wait. I've re-opened women that I've closed before.

wrote :
And now that we've closed each other, there's no way for us to open it back up anyway right?
Yup, now that you close him, it's over.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  June 25,2011, 2:06pm
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freeml wrote :
Why would he look at me if he closed me?
Probably boredom or curiosity. Or he confused you with someone else. I wouldn't read much into it.

freeml wrote :
And now that we've closed each other, there's no way for us to open it back up anyway right?
I hear you can contact Customer Service and ask them to send a "reopen request" to him. But I wouldn't go through all that bother.

And yes, as the others have advised, simply answer the questions truthfully. To do anything else is self-defeating. Use the fill in the blank option most of the time to give your own, personal, answer.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #7  June 25,2011, 4:12pm
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freeml wrote :
Why would he look at me if he closed me?
Who knows? There could be any number of reasons. Instead of speculating, spend your time on the people that you are in communication with.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 25,2011, 6:50pm
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To most all the other posters ... why are you reading into freeml's OP that she has answered the question in a way that was not honestly.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #9  June 25,2011, 7:03pm
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Gr8, because she made two statements--

1) "I decided to answer... (no PM sex at all). "

AND

2) "I don't necessarily plan to stay that way until marriage.. I also have no idea how much of a commitment I would want before having sex."

The important point isn't whether it's a slightly dishonest test or a poor choice of words. It's that by not accurately articulating her views she's turning off potentially compatible men, which is not the ideal result.

Also, that if she didn't see a dealbreaker, it may not be a good idea to rapidly close simply because he closed the match.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; June 25,2011 at 7:10pm.
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #10  June 26,2011, 6:38am
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AWESOME way to weed out players! And, by "players" I mean guys who are ONLY looking for sex. I think guys who are genuinely interested in your profile and wanting to meet you wouldn't be scared away by your answer. We all know the old saying "never say never", because things can and do change. As for this guy, perhaps he closed you and now regrets it?
Last edited by flgal; June 26,2011 at 7:04pm.
 
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