Why would he look at my profile if HE closed ME?


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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #11  June 26,2011, 2:14pm
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I enjoy sex and would close anyone who had no desire to respond in the way I liked to sex based GC questions. I find it bizarre that this means I'm a "player".
 
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freeml is offline freeml Post #12  June 26,2011, 5:10pm
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I just wanted to try to clarify a bit as far as whether or not I answered honestly.

For me, the decision to have sex with someone is pretty complex. When I was younger (like high school and college), I was ashamed that I hadn't lost my virginity. In the last few years, I realized that it was nothing to be ashamed of because I was never in a relationship with someone that I felt that close to. Because I was never really faced with the choice, it's hard for me to know what it would take for me to say yes. It could be that I meet someone, connect with them, and then within a few months I am ready. Or it could be that I want as much of a commitment as possible (i.e. marriage) before I decide that I am ready. I honestly do not know, and I feel like if I answered that I "might" want to have sex before marriage, it would either 1) make guys feel like they could "convince" me or 2) if I decide to not have sex before marriage, it would be like I led them on.

I didn't feel like I could explain all that in the way the question was presented. If it had been asked in one of the 'open-ended' questions, I would have tried to write something similar to the above.

So, if I get asked this question again, should I just respond that I would need more "room" (# of characters-wise) to fully explain my view?
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #13  June 26,2011, 5:56pm
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wrote :
should I just respond that I would need more "room" (# of characters-wise) to fully explain my view?
I think you should answer the best you can in the three lines allowed--

"I need to be deeply in love with someone before I'm ready to be with them, and that sort of connection takes time."


or

"I would need to know you much better--at least a few months--before seriously considering that question."

You've gotten across--

(a) Anyone looking for sex on the first few dates should move on and find another match. They'll need to be patient to court you.

(b) It's possible sex will happen before marriage but not guaranteed.

(c) You haven't told them you're a virgin.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; June 26,2011 at 6:14pm.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #14  June 26,2011, 6:11pm
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wrote :
How do you feel about premarital sex?
wrote :
A) I am completely opposed to it
B) as long as marriage is imminent, it is okay
C) In the context of a loving relationship, it is okay
D) I accept sex as a natural part of dating
^^^ This is the actual question.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; June 26,2011 at 6:14pm.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #15  June 26,2011, 6:27pm
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flgal wrote :
AWESOME way to weed out players! I think guys who are genuinely interested in your profile and wanting to meet you wouldn't be scared away by your answer. We all know the old saying "never say never", because things can and do change.
I am a 35yo guy and I would close for this answer.

I am someone who knows what he wants. I'm looking for a woman who seriously knows what she wants. I'm not looking for someone who, when it comes to serious life decisions, might want one thing today and the next tomorrow. Continuing a relationship - or communication - with someone that has a dealbreaker for you just because you think they might change is a bad, bad idea. Because either they won't change, or, they will change and ten years down the road will resent the change and divorce you. (Granted that's an oversimplification, but that's something I see often!)

It is reasonable to assume that people in their mid-twenties and later expect a sexual component to their relationships regardless of marriage status. The people I know in their 30's (like me) usually expect physical intimacy much sooner rather than later. Therefore, a man wanting this does not mean he is a player.
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #16  June 26,2011, 7:02pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I think you should answer the best you can in the three lines allowed--

"I need to be deeply in love with someone before I'm ready to be with them, and that sort of connection takes time."


or

"I would need to know you much better--at least a few months--before seriously considering that question."

You've gotten across--

(a) Anyone looking for sex on the first few dates should move on and find another match. They'll need to be patient to court you.

(b) It's possible sex will happen before marriage but not guaranteed.

(c) You haven't told them you're a virgin.
Great suggestions!!!
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #17  June 26,2011, 7:07pm
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I went back and edited my post to clarify that by "players" I meant guys who are ONLY looking for sex. I agree that sex is a very important part of a healthy and satisfying relationship. I wasn't trying to infer that people who like to have sex are players.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #18  June 26,2011, 7:25pm
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Since this is the actual question:

A) I am completely opposed to it
B) as long as marriage is imminent, it is okay
C) In the context of a loving relationship, it is okay
D) I accept sex as a natural part of dating

...and the OP indicated she answered with the "strictest" answer, that means she answered "A) I am completely opposed to it."

Since that is not her full honest answer, she is doing herself a big disservice by answering that way as that answer will cause many (probably most) matches to close her.

Shapeshifter gave excellent advice on an "E) --fill in the blank--" answer for the OP. I hope she takes his advice.
 
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