nightling is offline nightling Post #1  June 24,2011, 4:49am
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A current match who appears to be somewhat overweight and really not all that attractive sent his must have can't stands today, and among them is that he must have a partner who is very attractive by today's standards.

I find this an interesting requirement. I'm flattered of course since he opened communication with me. I think I'm rather average and ordinary. I'm considering closing him because while fitness is important to me, I don't think appearances should matter so much and I certainly don't want to be chasing the next beauty treatment to keep a guy interested the rest of my life.

Is this entitlement of some sort? He's obviously not taking good care of his own appearance by not being in shape himself.... yet he's going to expect so much more of his partner?

Thoughts?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  June 24,2011, 5:10am
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Nightling,
I would say this...had he not sent you that particular MH/CS would you have closed him because of his appearance?
if you can answer yes, then close him.

If you would answer no..then keep communicating.
Reason? beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and he sends that to all matches, so if he's chosen to communicate with you, he obviously finds you very attractive.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #3  June 24,2011, 5:11am
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you could email him and ask why he has that in his list and you find it strange that he looks overweight himself but has such a high expectation.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #4  June 24,2011, 5:11am
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nightling wrote :
I find this an interesting requirement. I'm flattered of course since he opened communication with me. I think I'm rather average and ordinary. I'm considering closing him because while fitness is important to me, I don't think appearances should matter so much
I close matches with this must-have for exactly that reason.

wrote :
Is this entitlement of some sort? He's obviously not taking good care of his own appearance by not being in shape himself.... yet he's going to expect so much more of his partner?
Not necessarily. Perhaps he brings something else to the table--wealth, fame, power. I mean, if Danny DeVito wanted an attractive wife I doubt you'd accuse him of feeling entitled. Edit: Although he apparently married Carla from Cheers so maybe he's not that sort of guy!
Last edited by shapeShifter79; June 24,2011 at 5:13am.
 
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LadyHoosier is offline LadyHoosier Post #5  June 24,2011, 5:20am
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Hi Nightling -

Most definitely sounds like entitlement to me. But then again, I think almost anyone who chooses the 'must have a partner who is attractive by today's standards' MH, feels entitled from the get-go, no matter their own level of attractiveness.

The last man I was involved with (didn't meet him on Eh) was by no means attractive by today's standards, but had a romantic 'Wow' factor that was off-the-charts.

Still waters run deep.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  June 24,2011, 5:20am
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TheThinker wrote :
Reason? beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and he sends that to all matches, so if he's chosen to communicate with you, he obviously finds you very attractive.
That's not enough for her match. He didn't choose--

Chemistry - I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

He chose--

Attractiveness - I must have a partner who is considered "very attractive" by most current standards.

He wants a mate who others would judge as attractive as well.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  June 24,2011, 5:29am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
you could email him and ask why he has that in his list and you find it strange that he looks overweight himself but has such a high expectation.
Normally, I say no one should expect anything in return they can't bring themselves, but attractiveness is highly subjective...

Even the term "by today's standards" is ambiguous at best.
It is wholly different from someone expecting money..or power...status, etc..
Those assets are more well defined.

I'm trusting nightling's judgment, but..somewhere, somehow...this guy may eventually find someone who thinks he is attractive..
The woman may worship the ground he walks on..
who knows...

Nightling may not be that person.
That's fine.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  June 24,2011, 5:31am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
That's not enough for her match. He didn't choose--

Chemistry - I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

He chose--

Attractiveness - I must have a partner who is considered "very attractive" by most current standards.

He wants a mate who others would judge as attractive as well.
How do you know he didn't choose the former.....also??
I didn't see her post that.
and in regards to the last line...that's your opinion of what you thinks he means!
Like we say, ladies & gents...ad nauseum.. no one knows anything until you meet.
It's an educated guess, at best.

Do you find your match attractive or not?
Do you think you want to get together to find out more?
if the answers are yes...meet.
That's all you need to know.

Don't start assuming things..no one's got a crystal ball, folks.
Last edited by TheThinker; June 24,2011 at 5:39am.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #9  June 24,2011, 5:43am
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TheThinker wrote :
and in regards to the last line...that's your opinion of what you thinks he means!
No, "most current standards" clearly implies more than his own opinion.

wrote :
Like we say, ladies & gents...ad nauseum.. no one knows anything until you meet.
I don't buy that. I close matches all the time because I have enough information at my finger tips to know they're not right for me, even if I don't have enough info to know whether a match is right for me.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  June 24,2011, 5:53am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
No, "most current standards" clearly implies more than his own opinion.
You're still speculating.

Until nightling gets a clearer definition, from the match, we don't KNOW anything.
He may not even know what that means...just because you assume he does...does not make it so.
There are many, many MH/CS we see get debated here all the time!...
What is clearly defined for one person....is utter confusion for another.
You haven't been around long enough to see most of those posts.
Stick around.


wrote :
I close matches all the time because I have enough information at my finger tips to know they're not right for me, even if I don't have enough info to know whether a match is right for me.


Uh...OK...
Last edited by TheThinker; June 24,2011 at 5:58am.
 
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