Are all women on Eharmony rude and mean?


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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #51  June 27,2011, 7:50am
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Very well stated, lunabeach.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #52  June 27,2011, 8:33am
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nick222 wrote :
I agree completely, but with emphasis on the 1% part. The question then is why is it around 1% for us and seems to be "most" or "all" for a few people? Are we just really lucky? Are they just really unlucky? Is something with the "29 Dimensions" matching process causing them to be matched with more jerks than we are? I'm open to other theories, but can't think of any that make sense to me.
Perhaps the same reason only a specific group of people usually got bullied when they were at school - they were usually victims because they looked a certain way. People were picked on because they were obese or thin or had faces which didn't fit the norm etc

So if we put this in the dating situation - the abusers are now grown up bullies (in my opinion) and probably picking on people who look a certain way in their photos. Perhaps the same thing going on - being abused/bullied because they are obese or thin etc.
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #53  June 27,2011, 8:40am
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j0hn8andy wrote :
A good first step would be to allow a mind to conceive the possibility that one could be wrong...about a person they don't even know.

A second step would be to actually get to know that person.

I can't even tell you how many times I've been wrong in making judgments of people I didn't even know. How foolish I have felt when I came to realize that what I thought I knew of them...amounted to nothing, really.

And how privileged I have been...to learn things about people I would never have expected. It has opened all sorts of doors to me...

...not the least of which has been for me to begin to see...I didn't really know it all, after all. That has been of enormous help to me.

I have several friends, both here on eHA and IRL, that started out on the "wrong" side. But when I stopped looking at the bad side...and deliberately looked for the good...I have never been disappointed. Not even once.

It's a daunting task sometimes...turning a bad thing good. But it simply must be done...if we are to become better people.

We have to stop looking at each other as enemies, and bad guys...and offer the hand of friendship, instead.

It can only be to our own benefit to understand others.

j8a
Generally speaking, I believe that I do try to understand others. The parameters of participating in an online board do put constraints on my ability to know someone. I can pretty much only know what they choose to tell me. And I certainly am open to the possibility that I may be wrong.

I feel like you are being at least as judgemental about me as you feel that I am being about others. Although you put it so much nicer.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #54  June 27,2011, 9:01am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
So if we put this in the dating situation - the abusers are now grown up bullies (in my opinion) and probably picking on people who look a certain way in their photos. Perhaps the same thing going on - being abused/bullied because they are obese or thin etc.
Or simply that victims of grown up bullies are different. They think different thoughts than we do, look at the world through different eyes than our own. They are square pegs who won't be fit into round holes...and we are not comfortable with non-conformity...or the unknown.

I think we all have a tendency at times to dismiss a person...simply because we don't like what they say, and the way they said it. We don't want to hear it.

Easier to dismiss that person entirely; easier to think they bring it all on themselves.

Like the woman walking down the street in a short skirt.

All too often we prefer to harden our hearts and close our minds to others...not even realizing the very great harm we inflict on ourselves by doing so.

I can only tell you that when I have taken the time to get to know a person...it never fails to amaze me what truly wonderful, unique people we all are.

But then...I've always been a square peg, myself.

j8a


Sorry to have missed your post, BoomerGal. Yours was not here when I started my own.

I don't "feel" that you are being judgmental. I do think you have misjudged Co6aka. In point of fact...I know so.

Thank you for the compliment about how I say what I do. It's something I aim for, always.

People here on these boards know me. They know even when I oppose them...I don't do so with hostility. I seek to further understanding between us.

I doubt there is anybody on these boards thinks I would choose to make a friend of Co6aka...if I did not see much of worth in him. I don't make friends simply to follow their posts, or because I find them witty in their retorts.

Each and every friend I do make...is valuable to me.
Last edited by j0hn8andy; June 27,2011 at 9:39am. Reason: ...edit to awknowledge BoomerGal's post...
 
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bluelonewolf86 is offline bluelonewolf86 Post #55  June 27,2011, 9:23am
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Wow,

First off thanks to you guys for giving me more insight into the online dating thing as this is new to me. I didn't expect this thread to get this many replies.

I guess I'll just leave it as it is and hopefully some of the matches will respond or just wait for another FCW (when is the next one anyways?)
 
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Co6aka is offline Co6aka Post #56  June 30,2011, 10:07pm
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
I think it's simply because there are some crazy folk out there!
Like ME for example! (Especially the ones from Brooklyn... and JERSEY! -- Fuhgeddaboudit!)

SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
This is the abuse I received... "You 'talk' too much without really saying much about yourself - which I assume - is a skill?"
I think "Your trying to be funny doesn't really work" is both the perfect comeback and the perfect explanation of these ladies' problem, and of our problem with them; they're just not funny! There's an ancient joke; I first heard it about 30 years ago: A woman walks into a bar... says to the first attractive man she sees, "Hi, I have no sense of humor, can I have some of yours?" Come to think of it, most ladies write that they're looking for "a guy who can make me laugh" so there you go; PROOF! ()

SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
Prior to that I got an email from another woman that just said "good luck, you're going to need it"
You know, that sounds awfully familiar... I wonder if they're reading books like, "Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl" and similar articles in those glossy magazines! (It feels like... a conspiracy !!!)

j0hn8andy wrote :
I think we all have a tendency at times to dismiss a person...simply because we don't like what they say, and the way they said it. . . . All too often we prefer to harden our hearts and close our minds to others...
What it seems I'm seeing is a "chip on the shoulder" some (too many) women have regarding men. Perhaps it's due to their repeated encounters with "jerks" and so on. Anyway, it seems like they're pre-judgmentally interpreting-by-association things like personality, humor, personal-style, demeanor, whatever, and making a preemptive strike -- better to be safe than sorry. Something like that. IRL this behavior has been uncommon, in my experience, but online it's annoyingly-common. It's almost akin to road-ragers; face-to-face they'd never, but insulated by the cars they let loose -- the Internet is their insulation.

Anyway...

The nastiest of comments I've received were all on "those other sites" so in this respect eH seems a few orders of magnitude above, but then most of my matches, the ones who weren't zombies, insta-closed me, so perhaps they would have been "sweet" given the opportunity. I did get a request for open communications from one match, which I accepted; it turned out to be a complementary head-shrink -- her occupation was listed as "Therapist" -- and when I went to reply, to thank her for the very detailed analysis and prescribed treatment, a lobotomy, I couldn't because she'd closed me! Heck, I even wanted to send her a check for 25 cents! (5 cents plus 20 cents tip; we Nooh Yawkahs are BIG-tippahs -- Fuhgeddaboudit!)

Well, right now I'm falling asleep, so I'll have to continue tormenting y'all tomorrow.
 
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