Guided communication vs open chat


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Slothien is offline Slothien Post #1  June 21,2011, 9:07pm
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Hi everyone

I'm new to eH and new to online dating. I have some questions regarding guided communication vs open chat.

1) When skipping straight to open chat. I write a eH mail. My question is, does my match get to see the eH mail before she accepts open chat? Or are they deciding open chat without even getting to see my eH mail?

2) For the matches where I've skipped directly to eH mail and have accepted it, it says:
Congratulations! X has accepted your eHarmony Mail request. You can now freely write email messages to X.

My question is, I already sent her a eH mail first. So did she ssee my first eH mail? Or do I have to send her another eH mail?

3) What are people's take on open chat for guide communication? I find guided communication so impersonal as you can easily spam questions to everyone and hoping some will respond. I prefer eH mail as you can really talk to the person. Any advice?

Thanks!

S
Last edited by Slothien; June 21,2011 at 9:21pm.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  June 21,2011, 9:33pm
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Slothien wrote :
Hi everyone

I'm new to eH and new to online dating. I have some questions regarding guided communication vs open chat.

1) When skipping straight to open chat. I write a eH mail. My question is, does my match get to see the eH mail before she accepts open chat?

No. If she wants to see it she has to accept eHmail.

Or are they deciding open chat without even getting to see my eH mail?

Yes.

2) For the matches where I've skipped directly to eH mail and have accepted it, it says:
Congratulations! X has accepted your eHarmony Mail request. You can now freely write email messages to X.

My question is, I already sent her a eH mail first. So did she ssee my first eH mail?

Yes.

Or do I have to send her another eH mail?

No.

3) What are people's take on open chat for guide communication? I find guided communication so impersonal as you can easily spam questions to everyone and hoping some will respond. I prefer eH mail as you can really talk to the person. Any advice?

I usually used the GC questions to write in fun answers. If a match seemed to get stuck on the stage 3 questions, I would try to get them to switch to Open Communication (now called eHmail.)

Thanks!

S
Also note, once you skip to eHmail you can't go back to GC (unless your match declines eHmail).
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #3  June 21,2011, 9:34pm
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Most of the time you will get closed or ignored for initiating with EH email, just FYI. People use EH because they actually like the guided communication process. If you just want to send emails, go to Match.
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #4  June 21,2011, 11:38pm
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Sending all those emails to the nameless profiles on match is just a chore. The best thing about the GC process is that it lets you know who is worth sending those emails to and who is not. Otherwise you would just be sending out all those emails to people having no idea if they were interested/not interested or if they were even members.

Match definitely does have a better selection of local people (you have to live in a real highly populated area on eharmony to get the same numbers of local people as you can pretty much get anywhere on match). But the set up of the site just makes you want to get up and go do something else.

Many of the girls like match better because they tend to get more attention on it due to the way it is advertised and the set up of the site. But if they were the ones who had to send out those initial emails they might think differently about match.com.
Last edited by sony12; June 21,2011 at 11:42pm.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  June 22,2011, 1:37am
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I preferred G.C. because I found that the process was a good way of filtering.

People who are invested/keen to do online dating are willing to put the time in answering the questions.

I found those that are lazy skip to 'email'.

I also wanted the must have/cant stands stage to complete before emailing - sometimes mentioning 'sex' in it or not being into overweight people helped filter out those that found my selection offensive.
 
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Slothien is offline Slothien Post #6  June 22,2011, 5:09am
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Thank you so much for all the wonderful responses!

I am finding it surprising how most people likes GC. As I said, GC will allow someone to easily take 1 minute to easily spam their questions to everyone and hope someone will reply, that to me doesn't show any interest at all! On the other hand, eHmail, takes way more time and so if someone were to send out a eHmail (not a generic one but one that shows you obviously looked at their profile), IMO, that shows way more interest than using GC. It takes me around 20 minutes to write a eHmail. Obviously I only do it to the matches I really like.

Doesn't that seem fair?


FYI, I only joined eH like less than 2 weeks ago. I didn't know why anyone would do GC, so I've been doing eHmail so far, and I gotten around ~20% accept OC. However, I also started going for GC, and have gotten no response so far. I mean it's still early. But I guess I'm glad that I at least didn't "repulse" anyone by going straight to OC

I think eH should really change it such that the match can see the eHmail before accepting/declining OC. They should also have a box where it allows people to indicate in their profile if they prefer GC or GC


Any other comments/advice would be greatly appreciated for a newbie
 
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karajoyfull is offline karajoyfull Post #7  June 22,2011, 5:46am
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Slothien wrote :
I am finding it surprising how most people likes GC. As I said, GC will allow someone to easily take 1 minute to easily spam their questions to everyone and hope someone will reply, that to me doesn't show any interest at all! On the other hand, eHmail, takes way more time and so if someone were to send out a eHmail (not a generic one but one that shows you obviously looked at their profile), IMO, that shows way more interest than using GC. It takes me around 20 minutes to write a eHmail. Obviously I only do it to the matches I really like.

Doesn't that seem fair?
You can do the same with GC...only send it to the matches you really like. Don't be a spammer...problem solved

When I get an ice breaker from someone, that feels a little more like "spam" to me. But, from my perspective, if someone initiates GC, to me it shows interest and I don't view it as spam. You will get to eH mail with the ones who are interested in you, and at that point, it's worth it to spend a little more time on an email.

If you're going to go straight to email, just check the "last active" date and make sure you're not writing to someone who hasn't been on recently. But, I say go with GC. It is what you make of it. I find stage 3 of GC to be very helpful.
 
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Caspia is offline Caspia Post #8  June 22,2011, 5:47am
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sony12 wrote :
Many of the girls like match better because they tend to get more attention on it due to the way it is advertised and the set up of the site. But if they were the ones who had to send out those initial emails they might think differently about match.com.
This is exactly why I stay away from Match. If I wanted random guys 'giving me attention' because they like my picture I could walk into any bar and get that. I'm really sick of men telling me I'm pretty like they're the first ones to ever say it and it's some magical key to my pants...this is especially unappealing when so few of them are even remotely attractive to me or have an intelligent word come out of their mouths.

I chose eH hoping it will help me 'filter' a bit better. So far the jury is out on whether or not it is, but GC helps in that process for me more than just sending a message and wondering.
 
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sdawn is offline sdawn Post #9  June 22,2011, 6:17am

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Caspia wrote :
This is exactly why I stay away from Match. If I wanted random guys 'giving me attention' because they like my picture I could walk into any bar and get that. I'm really sick of men telling me I'm pretty like they're the first ones to ever say it and it's some magical key to my pants...this is especially unappealing when so few of them are even remotely attractive to me or have an intelligent word come out of their mouths.
Haha, totally!
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #10  June 22,2011, 6:54am
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Slothien wrote :
I am finding it surprising how most people likes GC.
so did I when I first joined EH then I realised how effective it was at finding out basic information on people and filtering out those that just want instant gratification.

Slothien wrote :
....As I said, GC will allow someone to easily take 1 minute to easily spam their questions to everyone and hope someone will reply, ...
correct. Effective and efficient use of time.

Slothien wrote :
...that to me doesn't show any interest at all!
Mr Spock would say "that is an illogical statement". You are either showing interest or not. Showing interest is sending an email or GC. Not showing interest is doing nothing.


I would also point out that the 1 minute or 1 second you spent to send GC first questions to a match is infinitely more effort than they have made towards you in making contact. At the point where you send out first questions, you are the ONLY one making any effort.


Slothien wrote :
....On the other hand, eHmail, takes way more time and so if someone were to send out a eHmail (not a generic one but one that shows you obviously looked at their profile), IMO, that shows way more interest than using GC.
incorrect. time spent does not necessarily reflect more interest it might actually just reflect that you are someone who prefers one method to the other.


Slothien wrote :
....It takes me around 20 minutes to write a eHmail. Obviously I only do it to the matches I really like.
exactly what I did when I first tried internet dating back in 2006. I spent a few weeks of writing very well composed emails which took 30mins only for the indicator to say "it has been read" and the receiver to often just read my email and then not respond.
 
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