Transition from OC to First Date


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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #1  June 19,2011, 8:53am
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What do you aim to discover after OC and before a first date? I usually speed along to the first date because in stage 3 they already answered my "key questions" and while I can think up many questions I can't think up any that would prevent me from meeting them. And sending many short e-mails or texts back and forth rarely turns up anything. Of course, once I meet them and there's no chemistry I wonder if I had asked this or that question I would've saved myself some time.

I live in an urban area so getting back and forth to my dates in the evening tends to take 1.5 hours, plus the 2.5 hour date.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #2  June 19,2011, 9:11am
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I am still fairly new to online dating, having only been doing this for a few months, and having spent 6 months before getting to a first meet with one of my matches. However, I think of OC (or emails/chats on other dating sites) as if we were meeting out somewhere, say at a party or a bar or an activity. What would I talk about there? Mostly superficial stuff - where do you live? What do you do? Etc.

I really don't feel comfortable asking personal questions like "So... tell me about your plans to have children?" before I have even met someone face to face. I try to keep things light and flirtatious in the email stage. My distance is limited to within an hour drive, so it's not a huge investment to meet someone for dinner to really get to know them.

As far as your mention of "Chemistry", that is so elusive that I really don't think you can guarantee chemistry just by asking "this" or "that" question.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #3  June 19,2011, 9:15am
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wrote :
However, I think of OC (or emails/chats on other dating sites) as if we were meeting out somewhere, say at a party or a bar or an activity. What would I talk about there? Mostly superficial stuff - where do you live? What do you do? Etc.
If you're not learning information that would make or break meeting up, why not speed through this phase? Then again, I suppose I have grown more or less interested in people I've chatted with at parties or activities.

I'm just curious and trying to refine my process.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; June 19,2011 at 9:28am.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  June 19,2011, 10:12am
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mitchell175 wrote :
I am still fairly new to online dating, having only been doing this for a few months, and having spent 6 months before getting to a first meet with one of my matches.
six months? yowsah...was that your idea, or his??
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #5  June 19,2011, 11:25am
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Shape, personally I don't think there is anyway around this.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  June 19,2011, 2:54pm
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Once I send first questions, I am prepared to meet.

Any delay, dawdling, excuses, or making me jump through hoops, and the possibility of ever reaching a commitment plummets.

The only thing I really care about is that the person meets, and soon.

I will note if she shares and puts in her own desires and preferances (few do, and I don't rule them out for this ... yet.)

After that, the last thing before the meet itself is whether she is on time (or late with only valid excuse), and attentive and motivated for the meet.

Once we sit down to dinner the first time, everything prior is forgotten.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  June 19,2011, 6:43pm
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TheThinker wrote :
six months? yowsah...was that your idea, or his??
Ha! I just realized how that sounded. I meant that I was on EH for 6 months before I got to the meeting stage with any of my matches. It was very dry for the first several months of my EH membership.
Last edited by mitchell175; June 19,2011 at 6:44pm. Reason: Not that it's raining men now...
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #8  June 19,2011, 7:01pm
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I don't aim to find out anything between OC and first date. I have had a few situations where the first e-mail in OC was, "What's your phone number, can you get together on tuesday?"

I have also had the opposite. With my current interest... the emails we have exchanged have been very long, both before and after our first date. That's just because we're very interested in each other...
Last edited by Sparkles56; June 19,2011 at 7:02pm. Reason: I am going to wish upon this post because it is my 1,111th post!
 
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frizzled is offline frizzled Post #9  June 19,2011, 7:26pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Once we sit down to dinner the first time, everything prior is forgotten.
That's always the feeling I get. I feel like I/we end up talking about the same general things whether or not they were already discussed. For that reason if a guy doesn't make the suggestion to meet after one open communication exchange then I go ahead and suggest meeting. I can usually judge based on someone's profile and their open-ended questions/answers whether or not I want to meet them in person, so communicating beyond that seems superfluous. Although, personally I have my distance settings within about 40 miles. If I got matches farther than that then I suppose I might be more inclined to e-mail a little longer.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 19,2011, 7:27pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
What do you aim to discover after OC and before a first date? I usually speed along to the first date because in stage 3 they already answered my "key questions" and while I can think up many questions I can't think up any that would prevent me from meeting them. And sending many short e-mails or texts back and forth rarely turns up anything. Of course, once I meet them and there's no chemistry I wonder if I had asked this or that question I would've saved myself some time.

I live in an urban area so getting back and forth to my dates in the evening tends to take 1.5 hours, plus the 2.5 hour date.
You are being too clinical about the dating process.

Instead of looking for ways to eliminate someone from meeting take the approach that:
1) You might learn something about the other person.
2) That you might learn something about yourself.
3) That you might just have fun meeting someone new.

If you cannot spare 4 hours out of your lifetime, perchance to meet someone with whom to spend the rest of your life with then you really don't have time to be dating at all.
 
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