Ballet_fan is offline Ballet_fan Post #1  June 18,2011, 7:02pm
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Hi

I am new and only joined eh on Friday. I have about 5 people in guided communication and just made it to email with one of them.

I have to confess to being disappointed with the email. It basically said "Hi X, nice to meet you. How long have you lived in X?"

I'm unsure how to respond. It seems a little lazy to me - isn't this your opportunity to make an impression?

Now I don't know if I should respond with more detail, or write back with similar brevity. Also, his responses to the 3 questions were similarly brief.

Given that this match is quite some distance from me, the majority of communication would be through electronic means, so I see this unwillingness/inability to correspond with depth as a negative.

Thoughts?

Thanks
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  June 18,2011, 7:08pm
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Ballet_fan wrote :
Thoughts?
Wow, if that's my competition, no wonder I have such success converting matches to dates! Brief answers to the open ended questions--unless, of course, it's the sort that can be answered in a few words--are a turn-off, and a first mail like that would be a HUGE turn-off. You say there's a distance factor too so if no HUGE positives I would drop them.
 
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frizzled is offline frizzled Post #3  June 18,2011, 7:23pm
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Yeah, definitely a turn off. I can understand some shorter responses for some of the open ended questions, because some of them can be heavy questions. But there's not really an excuse when you get to the open communication. I agree, if there's nothing special about the match so far, maybe write back a short reply and put the burden on him to generate conversation if he's truly interested.
 
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sr71blackbird is offline sr71blackbird Post #4  June 18,2011, 7:41pm
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Ballet_fan wrote :
Hi

I am new and only joined eh on Friday. I have about 5 people in guided communication and just made it to email with one of them.

I have to confess to being disappointed with the email. It basically said "Hi X, nice to meet you. How long have you lived in X?"

I'm unsure how to respond. It seems a little lazy to me - isn't this your opportunity to make an impression?

Now I don't know if I should respond with more detail, or write back with similar brevity. Also, his responses to the 3 questions were similarly brief.

Given that this match is quite some distance from me, the majority of communication would be through electronic means, so I see this unwillingness/inability to correspond with depth as a negative.

Thoughts?

Thanks
I'm basically in the boat as you. I recently got a response from a match after I sent the first email. The response was really short and disappointing-just a short paragraph.

Since that match seemed promising based on other factors, I decided to reply and "demonstrate" the type of email response I was looking for. Her reponse this time was much longer and more in depth. For a more interesting match, I'll take the extra step. For a borderline one, -close.

That being said, she responded quickly to all the communications, so I haven't give up it.

On the other hand, she didn't ask me any questions either. She lives 2 hours away, so I'd like to know her a little better before trying to meet her. Maybe just email isn't her thing.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #5  June 18,2011, 8:52pm
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[quote=Ballet_fan;1364481

I have to confess to being disappointed with the email. It basically said "Hi X, nice to meet you. How long have you lived in X?"

I'm unsure how to respond. It seems a little lazy to me - isn't this your opportunity to make an impression?

[/quote]


Yes, I would be disappointed with that email also; and yes, he missed his opportunity to make a good first impression.

If you are interested in him, I would respond to his email with an email similar to the one like you had hoped to get from him. If he responds with an email that you find "impressive" then you might chalk up his earlier email to nerves? If you recieve a similar short "lazy" reply like his first email, then close the match and concetrate on your others.
Last edited by upstategirl; June 18,2011 at 8:54pm.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  June 18,2011, 11:51pm
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If he were local I'd give up on email and just try to meet him in person. But since he's long-distance ... perhaps respond with an email that gives him a lot of opportunity to start talking, and see what happens? And if his next reply is similarly vacant, let it go.

(Remembering that fabulous people can be really terrible at online or written communication.) (And he may be nervous.) (Or he may not have a whole lot of interest in you.) (Or ... or ... could be almost anything!)
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  June 19,2011, 8:36am
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I guess I am just so used to that kind of initial contact from my matches that the email described by the OP sounds about right to me. But, then again, I do not do the long distance thing, so extensive email correspondence is not necessary. I certainly try to respond in kind to what my match has sent. If they send a sparse first email, I will send a sparse reply.

I still have not figured out what my (male) matches are looking for in the first few emails. Do they expect the women to write several paragraphs of questions for them to answer? I wouldn't think most guys would like that.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 19,2011, 8:54am
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I frequently get this sort of thing from my matches. I can't recall any that would not carry on an actual communication in the initial e-mails of ever being better as things progressed. Usually they poof after the first or second e-mail.

I would answer his one question with whatever detail you would feel comfortable with. Possibly expanding on it to include where you may have moved to X from. Then ask a couple of questions that should require at least a few sentences to answer.

If you get a reply with similar one line answers then I would send a last e-mail stating that you don't seem to be a match and then close.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #9  June 19,2011, 9:22am
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I've received these from a match before and they certainly can kill any momentum that may or may not have been established at that point.

That said, don't mistake quantity for quality. I've read plenty of things that go in great detail to say nothing, and this certainly isn't limited to online dating.

Certainly, you're free to close anyone at any point for any reason, but if I were you and you are interested in this match, I would write back in a way that would try to spark a conversation.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #10  June 19,2011, 9:30am
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wrote :
Certainly, you're free to close anyone at any point for any reason, but if I were you and you are interested in this match, I would write back in a way that would try to spark a conversation.
Isn't that the whole point of online dating - to get to the conversation? And that implies meeting in person?

Maybe that comes with time, after people have spent many months/years online, where they no longer want to waste time in meeting people who don't "give good email". I am not at that point yet. My standards for meeting people are not that high. My standards for dating people, and entering into a relationship with people are much, much higher.
 
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