soccerace21 is offline soccerace21 Post #1  June 17,2011, 1:55pm
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Hey, I signed up here no too long ago and would like to get feedback on my profile. Since I'm always getting closed or ignored(viewed/not closed) after my initial set of questions, I figure I'm doing something wrong. Thanks in advance.



The one thing I am most passionate about:
Soccer. I'd play it every day if I could.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I am looking for an active, adventurous person, with a good sense of humor that can dish sarcasm as well as take some, and is honest and loyal.

Basic Information
Occupation: Accounts Payable
Age 29
Height 6' 2"
Wants Kids: Yes
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity Hispanic or Latino
Religion: Christian
Drinks: Never
Smokes: Never

The most influential person in my life has been:
My mother because she worked 2 jobs from early morning until late at night while I was still growing up just to make ends meet because she's raised me on her own.

The three things which I am most thankful for:
Family
Friends
Being alive

Three of my best life-skills are:
Creating romance in a relationship
Using humor to make friends laugh
Being a good friend and companion

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
My sarcastic side tends to hide my sensitive/serious side.

The things I can't live without are:
cell phone
computer
friends
family
soccer

The first thing people notice about me:
My sarcastic and fun-loving personally

Some additional information I want you to know:
While soccer is my favorite physical activity, I also enjoy playing tennis, dancing salsa, and snowboarding. I also try to keep my mind sharp and play games such as Sudoku, Free Cell, and Slitherlink.

I typically spend my leisure time:
Playing soccer and tennis, going dancing, or shooting pool..

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I'm not really a recreation reader. I think the last book I read was "A Lesson Before Dying" back in school. However, I must say that I really enjoyed reading the book.

My friends describe me as:
Funny
Respectful
Energetic
Romantic
 
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Apuleuis is offline Apuleuis Post #2  June 17,2011, 9:04pm
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So you like soccer?

You said the same few things about yourself about yourself repeatedly. So you ended up saying very little. Are you a soccer coach? On a league? Say something interesting about it once and move on.

Same with sarcasm. You mention repeatedly that you are sarcastic and want a girl that is - but your profile is dry. Give it some personality. I know I'm more interested in a guy who's profile makes me laugh.
 
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karajoyfull is offline karajoyfull Post #3  June 18,2011, 7:19am
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Welcome! You've got a nice start to your profile, but there are definitely some areas that could be improved. Remember that each question is an opportunity to share something new with a match. So, as another poster suggested, avoid being repetitive and take advantage of that space to highlight another aspect of your personality.

soccerace21 wrote :
The one thing I am most passionate about:
Soccer. I'd play it every day if I could.
Expand on this. Why are you passionate about soccer? Describe the rush of adrenaline you get as you hit the field. Add some more details about how long you've been playing and the type of league you play with now. What you've done well is the fact that you picked one thing rather than giving a list of interests.

soccerace21 wrote :
The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I am looking for an active, adventurous person, with a good sense of humor that can dish sarcasm as well as take some, and is honest and loyal.
I think you could leave off the part about being honest and loyal. I doubt anyone will read your profile and think, "oh, I'm a liar and a cheat, so I probably shouldn't contact him." I think it's a given that everyone is looking for a partner with those qualities.

soccerace21 wrote :
Basic Information
Occupation: Accounts Payable
Age 29
Height 6' 2"
Wants Kids: Yes
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity Hispanic or Latino
Religion: Christian
Drinks: Never
Smokes: Never
Not much to say on this. Religion and alcohol are going to put you in a smaller pool, but I assume you're looking for someone with similar beliefs and lifestyle. I have listed the same and it hasn't been an issue for me in terms of meeting people, but it can be regional.


soccerace21 wrote :
The most influential person in my life has been:
My mother because she worked 2 jobs from early morning until late at night while I was still growing up just to make ends meet because she's raised me on her own.
The question asks for you to list someone besides your parents. Pick someone different for this and you can put this bit about your mom in the "thankful" section.

soccerace21 wrote :
The three things which I am most thankful for:
Family
Friends
Being alive
These are pretty bland and will make you blend in with every other guy out there. Definitely take out the last one and try to be a little more distinct. How can you use this question to tell your match something new about yourself? There's room to add a descriptive phrase or sentence (like the bit about your mom when you mention family), and I'd definitely recommend writing more than just a word or two.

soccerace21 wrote :
Three of my best life-skills are:
Creating romance in a relationship
Using humor to make friends laugh
Being a good friend and companion
These are fine. Make sure you include some humor in your profile.

soccerace21 wrote :
The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
My sarcastic side tends to hide my sensitive/serious side.
I think this works, but would be more effective if you were to show some sarcasm. Maybe make a joke first, say you are kidding, and then follow with what you've already written.

soccerace21 wrote :
The things I can't live without are:
cell phone
computer
friends
family
soccer
You can eliminate friends, family, and soccer since you've already mentioned those and don't want to get too repetitive. Again, you have room to expand on these a bit.

soccerace21 wrote :
The first thing people notice about me:
My sarcastic and fun-loving personally
You've already mentioned sarcasm in another question. I would put it in one section or the other, but not both.

soccerace21 wrote :
Some additional information I want you to know:
While soccer is my favorite physical activity, I also enjoy playing tennis, dancing salsa, and snowboarding. I also try to keep my mind sharp and play games such as Sudoku, Free Cell, and Slitherlink.
I like that there's some new info in here, but you are pretty much sharing leisure time activities. Since you have the same things written there, it's repetitive. I would move these down to leisure time and you can use this space for something else.

soccerace21 wrote :
I typically spend my leisure time:
Playing soccer and tennis, going dancing, or shooting pool..
See above. Merge with your additional info section.

soccerace21 wrote :
The last book I read and enjoyed:
I'm not really a recreation reader. I think the last book I read was "A Lesson Before Dying" back in school. However, I must say that I really enjoyed reading the book.
You can probably leave out the fact that you're not much of a reader and just list the book. Try to tell why you enjoyed it / what you liked about it.

soccerace21 wrote :
My friends describe me as:
Funny
Respectful
Energetic
Romantic
Good!

Best of luck to you!
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #4  June 18,2011, 9:17am
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Yeah, theres a little too much extra redundency in there. Put each interest like soccer or sarcasm in there only once.

BTW: Most people find real sarcasm offputting because it can be used in a passive aggressive way to vent anger about stuff. Maybe say you have a dry sense of humor, or a subtle one. And again, only once. Did I mention you should only mention your humor style once? Repetition is a little boring repetition is a little boring.

And if you're going to talk about an inner trait like humor, make sure you give concrete examples of it in your profile. So adding an upbeat joke would be super cool.

On the really positive side: Your love of family and friends comes through very well, and that's awesome and very attractive. Wouldn't change a thing there. Good profile, only needs a little tightening.
 
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soccerace21 is offline soccerace21 Post #5  June 20,2011, 2:21am
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Made some updates. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you:

The one thing I am most passionate about:
Soccer. I'd play it everyday if I could. I play in a league twice a week, and pick up games on the weekend. 90 minutes of almost non-stop, thrilling action. No matter what position you play, you are immersed in the game. After the game, win or lose, it's great to come to the sidelines and have some laughs with the teams over any ridiculous in-game happenings, such as the handball in the penalty area, or the bad calls by the refs.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I am looking for an active, adventurous person, with a good sense of humor that can take a joke as well as dish some out.

Basic Information
Occupation: Accounts Payable
Age 29
Height 6' 2"
Wants Kids: Yes
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity Hispanic or Latino
Religion: Christian
Drinks: Never
Smokes: Never

The three things which I am most thankful for:
My mom because she raised me without my father's help, working 2 jobs just to make ends meet. She instilled the value of hard work into me at an early age.
My family for taking care of me when I was young and my mom was always working.
My friends for giving me opportunities to laugh, even if it's at myself, and for being supportive.

Three of my best life-skills are:
Creating romance in a relationship
Using humor to make friends laugh
Being a good friend and companion

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
They usually don't notice that I'm more than a handsome face. Okay, kidding. Since I am usually joking around and being a wise-guy, they don't notice my serious side.

The things I can't live without are:
cell phone
computer
creativity to allow me to express myself
water
air


The first thing people notice about me:
My fun-loving personally

Some additional information I want you to know:
I can be a comedy of errors at times, providing my friends with tons of laughs. For example, one time I went snowboarding and didn't have my board fastened tight enough, and it fell off my boot while I was on the lift. Another time, my friends and I were walking back to the lodge, and the snowboard slipped out of my hand and went down the mountain.

I typically spend my leisure time:
I also enjoy playing tennis, dancing salsa, and snowboarding. I love to learn new things, and am currently working on learning the guitar. However, I'm noticing that my fingers aren't quite coordinated enough yet to hold multiple strings simultaneously. I also try to keep my mind sharp and play games such as Sudoku, Free Cell, and Slitherlink.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I think the last book I read was "A Lesson Before Dying" back in school.

My friends describe me as:
Funny
Respectful
Energetic
Romantic
 
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karajoyfull is offline karajoyfull Post #6  June 20,2011, 8:37am
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Awesome updates. Your revisions are really great. Just a couple of things I thought I'd mention...

It looks like you took out your most influential person. If you can think of something for that, it would be great. A teacher, coach, mentor, family member besides your mom... I put my grandfather. Truthfully, he was not the most influential person in my life, but we do have many similarities in terms of things that we enjoy and how we live life. I listed some of those similarities, which gives people a better sense of who I am. The goal is really to tell more about yourself...you're just kind of using this person to do that

soccerace21 wrote :
The things I can't live without are:
cell phone
computer
creativity to allow me to express myself
water
air
Swap out "water" and "air". It makes girls roll their eyes . I've had someone put Nalgene bottle, which was better than water. Try a favorite food, certain type of music, your favorite soccer cleats...something like that.

soccerace21 wrote :
The first thing people notice about me:
My fun-loving personally
Expand on this just like you did in your other sections

soccerace21 wrote :
The last book I read and enjoyed:
I think the last book I read was "A Lesson Before Dying" back in school.
What was it about? What did you like about it?

Again, nice job with the revisions! Very effective changes.
 
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soccerace21 is offline soccerace21 Post #7  June 20,2011, 9:22am
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karajoyfull wrote :
Again, nice job with the revisions! Very effective changes.
Thank you I actually expanded on the book after I posted my revisions, but didn't update my post. It now reads:

I think the last book I read was "A Lesson Before Dying" back in school. I liked the transformation of Jefferson from a hog to a man, and how we were thinking Grant was teaching Jefferson, when in actuality, the student became the teacher, as it was Jefferson that taught Grant how to be a man.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #8  June 20,2011, 9:44am
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soccerace21 wrote :
Made some updates. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you:

The one thing I am most passionate about:
Soccer. I'd play it everyday if I could. I play in a league twice a week, and pick up games on the weekend. 90 minutes of almost non-stop, thrilling action. No matter what position you play, you are immersed in the game. After the game, win or lose, it's great to come to the sidelines and have some laughs with the teams over any ridiculous in-game happenings, such as the handball in the penalty area, or the bad calls by the refs.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
I am looking for an active, adventurous person, with a good sense of humor that can take a joke as well as dish some out.

Basic Information
Occupation: Accounts Payable
Age 29
Height 6' 2"
Wants Kids: Yes
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity Hispanic or Latino
Religion: Christian
Drinks: Never
Smokes: Never

The three things which I am most thankful for:
My mom because she raised me without my father's help, working 2 jobs just to make ends meet. She instilled the value of hard work into me at an early age.
My family for taking care of me when I was young and my mom was always working.
My friends for giving me opportunities to laugh, even if it's at myself, and for being supportive.

Three of my best life-skills are:
Creating romance in a relationship
Using humor to make friends laugh
Being a good friend and companion

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
They usually don't notice that I'm more than a handsome face. Okay, kidding. Since I am usually joking around and being a wise-guy, they don't notice my serious side.

The things I can't live without are:
cell phone
computer
creativity to allow me to express myself
water
air


Creativity? REALLY?? How about using some here literal-man?!? This is a good place to put in some sensory language and provide some hooks for people to say ME too! or Tell me about that.... eg crispy bacon and fluffy waffles, a hot shower after a workout, the smell of the grass, the taste of a cold cell phone....whatever.

No idea in this profile about music/food you like...are you a vegan surfer dude who loves metallica? A paleo IT guy who loves R&B and ribs? Love any and all sushi?

The first thing people notice about me:
My fun-loving personally

PERSONALITY. Watch spelling and grammar.
Some additional information I want you to know:
I can be a comedy of errors at times, providing my friends with tons of laughs. For example, one time I went snowboarding and didn't have my board fastened tight enough, and it fell off my boot while I was on the lift. Another time, my friends and I were walking back to the lodge, and the snowboard slipped out of my hand and went down the mountain.

I typically spend my leisure time:
I also enjoy playing tennis, dancing salsa, and snowboarding. I love to learn new things, and am currently working on learning the guitar. However, I'm noticing that my fingers aren't quite coordinated enough yet to hold multiple strings simultaneously. I also try to keep my mind sharp and play games such as Sudoku, Free Cell, and Slitherlink.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I think the last book I read was "A Lesson Before Dying" back in school.

My friends describe me as:
Funny
Respectful
Energetic
Romantic
A couple of notes above in blue.
Also you might try to give a girl an idea of what things you like that you can do ....TOGETHER. IE would you be willing/able to teach her to salsa?
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #9  June 20,2011, 9:46am
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Also pictures are really important.

Use ones where you are alone, you can see your face and body clearly (ie not at a great distance). If you have more than 3 or so THEN a group shot of your soccer team/you as a speck on mount everest is fine.
 
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karajoyfull is offline karajoyfull Post #10  June 21,2011, 6:44am
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soccerace21 wrote :
Thank you I actually expanded on the book after I posted my revisions, but didn't update my post. It now reads:

I think the last book I read was "A Lesson Before Dying" back in school. I liked the transformation of Jefferson from a hog to a man, and how we were thinking Grant was teaching Jefferson, when in actuality, the student became the teacher, as it was Jefferson that taught Grant how to be a man.
Much better! It might be nice to add a sentence saying what the book is about. Your last sentence is a little long, but probably fine. I don't usually read this section all that thoroughly, but I'm sure some do.
 
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