adventure714 is offline adventure714 Post #1  June 16,2011, 10:12am
adventure714's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2011

Posts: 27

See profile

I'm a little confused...

REALLY Ladies! Why not have a coffee date with a guy that you are past step 2 in the communication process. You read my profile, see my pictures. I show i'm interested by responding promptly. In the last 2 months for me i should have met 15 people. I have met zero. And all my friends say I'm a great guy so, how do u it's not going to be a good first date? Usually, you have to date someone for a few months to determine if they are a keeper. Yet, I'm screened before meeting me in person. I'm not frustrated, just curious. Are the women on this site really that picky? What kills it after step 2 and before the first date?

Thanks for ur help!
 
  Reply With Quote
KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #2  June 16,2011, 10:25am
KikiAZ's Avatar

posting from the 6th largest city in America

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2011

Posts: 1,649

See profile

Hmmm have we reviewed your profile (here on EHA?). There shouldn't be a disconnect at that stage unless something is going on. I mean you know they are active. Do you have a bunch of wackyness in your MH/CS's???

(also if you look back there is a thread about a month old about coffee dates, some pro and some con, but that doesn't seem to be your issue)
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #3  June 16,2011, 10:40am
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,637

See profile

Step two should just be your Must Have/Can't Stand list. You shouldn't be exchanging external information to set up dates until Step 4, which is Open communication/Eharmony email. Are you trying to jump the gun and sneak contact info in earlier? If so, there's your answer. That is commonly viewed as cheap/sneaky/non-paying member tactics, and will get you closed in a heartbeat.
 
  Reply With Quote
KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #4  June 16,2011, 10:47am
KikiAZ's Avatar

posting from the 6th largest city in America

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2011

Posts: 1,649

See profile

oooooo
 
  Reply With Quote
ScottK is offline ScottK Post #5  June 16,2011, 11:18am
ScottK's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2007

PL, Minnesota

Posts: 2,301

See profile

Dropdeadredtx wrote :
Step two should just be your Must Have/Can't Stand list. You shouldn't be exchanging external information to set up dates until Step 4, which is Open communication/Eharmony email. Are you trying to jump the gun and sneak contact info in earlier? If so, there's your answer. That is commonly viewed as cheap/sneaky/non-paying member tactics, and will get you closed in a heartbeat.
That isn't what I gathered from his post...

I am guessing that he is asking why, if a gal makes it past Stage 2, thus indicating at least some semblance of interest, why aren't these gals interested in meeting up later on, after Stage 4...

If this is a proper reading of his post, then to the OP:

NEVER count on any Match that just happens to make it past Stage 2 from being really invested in anything.

Stage 1 and Stage 2 are simple and easy, and requires literally no effort on their part.
A lot of people will respond because they can, but you could very well be a backup to their backup to their backup at this point.

Stage 3 takes a bit more effort, and thus you will notice some "Poofers" at that Stage.

Once you get past Stage 4+ and have traded an email or two, and they appear to still be interested, then you can start to HOPE they won't Poof on you before meeting up.

But there are even some Matches that will bail as soon as you suggest a first meeting. It becomes too real at that point, and for some of your Matches, they are going to be unstable, cheating, know they will be caught in a lie, or otherwise problematic, and will bail once a meeting is suggested.

Basically put, never count on any of your Matches becoming first dates, even ones that have communicated with you.

You just have to soldier on, and do NOT get attached to any specific Match until you have met once or twice.

(And yes, I have had plenty of Matches I have been very excited about, only to have them Poof. So take it from me, try your best to dampen your excitement until after that first couple meetings, even if this is very hard to do!)
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #6  June 16,2011, 11:26am
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,394

See profile

Adventure714- it would be helpful to know how you handle things once you get to Open Communication. I have not met a lot of the guys with whom I reached that stage, but that is not because I was unwilling to meet them in person. A lot of these guys simply petered out in the communication. Or, they would be content to email back and forth without ever suggesting a meeting. Even when I started to subtly hint around... then not so subtly hint around... sometimes they still wouldn't take the bait. I am not sure if these guys expected the women to take the lead? That's not my style and not the kind of guy I am looking for, but I wonder how you handle that stage of communication?
 
  Reply With Quote
shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #7  June 16,2011, 1:17pm
shapeShifter7…'s Avatar

likes dancing!

Board Leader: Health & Wellness

Joined: Apr 2011

CA

Posts: 2,499

See profile

adventure714 wrote :
I'm a little confused... REALLY Ladies! Why not have a coffee date with a guy that you are past step 2 in the communication process.
Getting past steps 1 and 2 for me means I've glanced and saw no glaring dealbreakers. You haven't been seriously considered yet.

wrote :
And all my friends say I'm a great guy so, how do u it's not going to be a good first date?
They don't have to. It's enough to think "It's more likely I'd have fun hanging out with my friends", or "It's more likely I'd enjoy going out with that other date instead." And don't discount timing.

wrote :
Usually, you have to date someone for a few months to determine if they are a keeper.
True, but you usually know within minutes if there's chemistry.

wrote :
Are the women on this site really that picky?
Us men, too.

wrote :
What kills it after step 2 and before the first date?
If I'm not interested, having to read someone's profile carefully, write long questions, and answer long questions. Poor answers to the same.
 
  Reply With Quote
QAKitty061711 is offline QAKitty061711 Post #8  June 16,2011, 11:51pm
QAKitty061711's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2011

Posts: 4

See profile

I need pix
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  June 17,2011, 2:51am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,429

See profile

adventure714 wrote :
I'm a little confused...

REALLY Ladies! Why not have a coffee date with a guy that you are past step 2 in the communication process. You read my profile, see my pictures. I show i'm interested by responding promptly. In the last 2 months for me i should have met 15 people. I have met zero.
At what stage are they stopping communicating?...if it's after the mh/cs exchange then it's something there that's triggering it.

If they're hitting the brakes in OC then it's the questions your sending that's making them think twice...

wrote :
And all my friends say I'm a great guy so, how do u it's not going to be a good first date?
Your friends aren't exactly an unbiased audience.
Have they ever looked at your profile?
You can post post it here on eHa for review, also.
wrote :
Usually, you have to date someone for a few months to determine if they are a keeper.
I disagree..I don't need a few months. I need a couple of dates...maybe three.
In fact, I'd argue that most people...the vast majority, need only a few dates before they know.
Last edited by TheThinker; June 17,2011 at 2:53am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Badgerboy is offline Badgerboy Post #10  June 17,2011, 5:07am
Badgerboy's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2010

Sterling, VA

Posts: 9

See profile

Sounds like my initial experience. Was very frustrated in the beginning, by not getting to OC with more matches. But eventually I fell into a groove, both in terms of pursuing matches I thought would be successful, and learning during GC that there would be meaningful conversation when I got to OC.

Sounds like initial EH user ramp up to me. Hang in there, we've all (mostly?) been there.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Has anyone ever encountered a fake profile while on eHarmony? | Using eHarmony | Profile Advice - 30/m »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Where's the other boot?” –  Breezy1

Join the “She stared at my feet. Is this normal?” discussion

“Exit interviews are highly recommended in many dating books and in other life strategy books. They are very effective. I think he would answer honestly to the some point. I know that is horrible and ... ” –  biking_girl

Join the “Exit interview after unsuccessful date” discussion

“And I'd also add that while a successful stable job down the road and a solid income is helpful in attracting a woman, it's no guarantee that finding love will be easy for you. I know plenty of men ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“I think if someone says they can't meet you for weeks, they are lukewarm interested. Even if he were truly busy with a project, he'd be able to drop you an email or a text here and there. I took ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Did he poof?” discussion

“ Yes, illegal aliens aren't treated as illegals. lol OP, trust your gut. A few months ago, I met a guy on match, who said his membership was expiring, and gave me his IM so we could chat. I ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“Stop humping my leg.” –  Breezy1

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion

“I thought this thread was about exercise. Positive OP though...nice to see.” –  Breezy1

Join the “It's a matter of fit” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:52pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0