Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #11  June 17,2011, 5:34am
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adventure714 wrote :
I'm a little confused...

REALLY Ladies! Why not have a coffee date with a guy that you are past step 2 in the communication process. You read my profile, see my pictures. I show i'm interested by responding promptly. In the last 2 months for me i should have met 15 people. I have met zero. And all my friends say I'm a great guy so, how do u it's not going to be a good first date? Usually, you have to date someone for a few months to determine if they are a keeper. Yet, I'm screened before meeting me in person. I'm not frustrated, just curious. Are the women on this site really that picky? What kills it after step 2 and before the first date?

Thanks for ur help!
People that write in "text" will kill it for me.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #12  June 17,2011, 5:37am
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KikiAZ wrote :
Hmmm have we reviewed your profile (here on EHA?). There shouldn't be a disconnect at that stage unless something is going on. I mean you know they are active. Do you have a bunch of wackyness in your MH/CS's???

(also if you look back there is a thread about a month old about coffee dates, some pro and some con, but that doesn't seem to be your issue)
Actually the point where it is most apt to go south is at the MHCS i.e. Stage 2. Putting anything other than the most benign MHCS is the fastest way to get closed that I know of.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #13  June 17,2011, 5:42am
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wrote :
Putting anything other than the most benign MHCS is the fastest way to get closed that I know of.


I've kept my non-benign ones in hopes of weeding out the sorts who only want benign options and I rarely lose someone at that phase.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #14  June 17,2011, 5:54am
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ScottK has some words of wisdom.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #15  June 17,2011, 6:23am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :

I've kept my non-benign ones in hopes of weeding out the sorts who only want benign options and I rarely lose someone at that phase.
You have misunderstood my meaning.

I view the reason for using eHarmony is to get to meaningful communication and meeting in person. It is not until you have met in person that you can begin to evaluate compatibility.

Every MHCS is open to massive misinterpretation as to what the person sees it as meaning. While everyone says that they don't want to be with a rude person, where the level of rude is for you may be different than it is for me, but we are both going to agree that rudeness is not a good thing so the possibility of misinterpretation is small.

However, let's take "Traditional...I must have someone who is reserved and traditional in their sexual needs." What does this actually mean? Does that mean missionary position, lights out, only on Saturday at 10:00 PM and if the kids and neighbors are away? Or does it mean no ropes and chains (and other apparatus that would get me modded)? So here we have a very wide area for misinterpretation and you and your match could well have the same view of sex yet have interpreted this MH in a completely different way. Yet you will never have the opportunity to actually find out that your views were the same because one of you closed because of this MH.

I used to have some of the more "controversial" MHCS in my list. I soon noticed the pattern of I send my MHCS and get closed. So I changed them to be the most benign that I could find and rarely got closed at the MHCS since.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #16  June 17,2011, 6:34am
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Gr8Guy, I wouldn't choose Traditional. I did choose--

"Passionate...I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding."

Someone (can't remember who anymore) advised to remove that and any others MH/CS that contained the word "sex" in it because women may assume you're that's all you're after.

To me, that must have is clearly worded, and any women who assumes that means I'm only looking for sex has baggage and is not the sort of woman that I'm seeking so I wouldn't mind a close.

wrote :
It is not until you have met in person that you can begin to evaluate compatibility.
It's difficult to gauge attraction and chemistry from a profile, but you certainly can identify many red flags that signal incompatibility. As a simple point, if a woman can't see herself accepting my children as her own, or she's not looking for a long-term relationship, perhaps I would be extremely attracted to her in person but we're totally incompatible and online I can weed her out very quickly.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #17  June 17,2011, 7:23am
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There is no such thing as a "benign" MHCS because each and every one of them can be interpreted in more than one way, based on the perception of whoever is reading them.

I say pick the MHCS that you really "Must Have" and "Can't Stand". If you're weeding out people who do not fit those standards, why should you care?
 
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