help with open ended questions...


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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #11  June 16,2011, 5:38pm
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It's a risk to take advice on a question like this from a same-sex person, but I'll give my thoughts anyway.


adventure714 wrote :
I'm a guy and a woman is asking me these questions.

1. What do find physically attractive?

My answer: I find a pretty smile combined with gorgeous eyes really attractive. You can get a good idea about someone's mood by looking into their eyes and there's nothing like a sexy smile.

I find this an awful answer, since there is no actual answer here.

Without any descriptive or quantifiable words, you have ignored the question. What defines a "pretty smile," or "gorgeous eyes?"

Unfortunately, every match who sent me this question proved to be fat. I learned to just close for asking this - it's a self-esteem problem, in addition to the experience of all being overweight.


adventure714 wrote :
2. Describe your personal style?

I find this question a little strange. What does my style say about my personality?

Here's my style. I wear my hair short and well groomed with hairgel. Sometimes I wear a visor if I don't feel like putting gel in my hair. I shop at JCPenny and some name brand stores. Most of the time I wear button down shirts with a T-shirt underneath with my favorite pair of jeans. I also wear Polo shirts. When I go for casual dress, than I wear My Calvin Klein dress shirts with either slacks or jeans. I also wear a silver necklace. Overall, I try to like sharp and clean cut. No torn or faded clothes in my closet.

This is okay (as long as this matches your photos.) But, since this is what photos are for, I would not verbally replicate the information in the photos.

Personally, I would make the answer more behavior / lifestyle (timeliness, housing condition, etc.) The "sharp and clean cut" part is closer to how I'd answer.
 
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Apuleuis is offline Apuleuis Post #12  June 16,2011, 8:00pm
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I find when looking at a guy's picture I'm already looking at what he wears. Why would someone have to then ask that question?
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #13  June 16,2011, 9:26pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Without any descriptive or quantifiable words, you have ignored the question. What defines a "pretty smile," or "gorgeous eyes?"
Which I guess his style. I'm direct and unafraid to say what I find attractive. You know, now that I think about it, the only women who asked me that were overweight, so perhaps there is some truth to it indicating a self-esteem issue. ::shrug:: Next time, maybe I'll just say, "Women who actually look the pictures they post."
Last edited by shapeShifter79; June 16,2011 at 9:28pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #14  June 17,2011, 9:23am
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adventure714 wrote :
I'm a guy and a woman is asking me these questions.

1. What do find physically attractive?

My answer: I find a pretty smile combined with gorgeous eyes really attractive. You can get a good idea about someone's mood by looking into their eyes and there's nothing like a sexy smile.

2. Describe your personal style?

I find this question a little strange. What does my style say about my personality?
Here's my style. I wear my hair short and well groomed with hairgel. Sometimes I wear a visor if I don't feel like putting gel in my hair. I shop at JCPenny and some name brand stores. Most of the time I wear button down shirts with a T-shirt underneath with my favorite pair of jeans. I also wear Polo shirts. When I go for casual dress, than I wear My Calvin Klein dress shirts with either slacks or jeans. I also wear a silver necklace. Overall, I try to like sharp and clean cut. No torn or faded clothes in my closet.
Your answers should be fine.

I find your question a bit strange. Your style in dress and grooming says a lot about your personality. From you answer I can discern that you are probably a planner, detail oriented, organized and likely a first born. The fact that you shop at JC Penny says that you have some sense of financial responsibility. The fact that you also wear Calvin Klein dress shirts you could have a bit of "designer snob" in your personality or it could be that you will also pay extra for a certain quality.

Did I get any of this correct reading your style answer?

The concept that the questions are frivolous and that people don't really have a plan in the questions they are asking is just not true for many people. Every question I asked was meant to tell ME something about my match. The manner in which they answered (trying to make a joke out of it was a definite red flag) and the answer itself could tell me a lot about my match.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; June 17,2011 at 9:27am. Reason: Added last paragraph
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #15  June 17,2011, 9:35am
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D_Lion wrote :
I
Unfortunately, every match who sent me this question proved to be fat. I learned to just close for asking this - it's a self-esteem problem, in addition to the experience of all being overweight.
This would be a limiting extrapolation from a limited sample set

Should I have closed all my matches regardless of what questions they asked since most turned out to be anywhere from overweight to morbidly obese?
 
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Moxie26 is offline Moxie26 Post #16  June 17,2011, 9:37am
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I think your answers were great... very to the point. Just correct the second to last sentence so it reads, "look" sharp. I make these types of typos all the time.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #17  June 17,2011, 10:24am
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These aren't two of my favorite questions either, but I think your answers are fine. Whenever I would answer the open ended question the thought in the back of my mind was always "What does this answer communicate about me? Am I telling them something meaningful about my personality?" If you use that as a guide, you'll probably be fine.

That said, the only thing I might omit is the brand names. I'm not sure they're necessary and for some reason, that level of detail seems to rub me a little the wrong way, but that could just be my own opinion. I'd personally focus less on the specifics of what you where and more on the characteristics of it that says something about you. For example, if someone asked me this question I would probably talk about how I have a laid back approach to fashion and that I like to choose things that are comfortable and casual, but still like feeling beautiful and feminine so I choose things that make me feel this way. That said, if your style isn't something particularly important to you, that is fine to say as well.

Whenever I answer these questions I try not to overthink it too much or think about what the right answer might be, I just try to best express who I really am and if that person doesn't like it, we're probably not a good match.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #18  June 17,2011, 6:54pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Unfortunately, every match who sent me this question proved to be fat. I learned to just close for asking this - it's a self-esteem problem, in addition to the experience of all being overweight.
Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
This would be a limiting extrapolation from a limited sample set

Should I have closed all my matches regardless of what questions they asked since most turned out to be anywhere from overweight to morbidly obese?

Point not quite taken, as per the bold.

***

In any case, if you ascribe to the theory that questions are asked for a reason, and you don't like the question, then it's right to close, isn't it?
 
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