Profile review 52 year old woman


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mbhopkins is offline mbhopkins Post #1  June 14,2011, 10:30am
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People trust me with their teens every day for 10 months. Honest. :)

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Hello all. I have updated my profile using a lot of the following suggestions. To keep confusion down, I have removed the attached file here and will paste the update in this space. I will keep revising, but I think this should be an improvement. We are limited in character limit as you are aware, but there is definitely room for continued improvement.

****************************

The one thing I am most passionate about:

I believe in being a life long learner and enjoy every opportunity to learn and experience new things. You can't fool a kid and it is impossible for me to encourage a love of learning if as their teacher I am not actively questioning the status quo. There is one certain fact I have learned, the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

Someone who is centered and comfortable with who he is. A man that is at peace with himself and others is the most attractive person I would be blessed to know.


About me:

Basic Information
Occupation: Secondary Teacher
Age 52
Height 5' 8" (actually it's 8.5")
Wants Kids: No
Kids at Home: Yes
Ethnicity White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Christian
Drinks: About once a week
Smokes: Never


In my own words:

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

I am a very reflective person. I will defend a point of view, sometimes passionately, but I do listen and do try to take other's views into consideration.

The things I can't live without are:

Good communication
Honesty
Intimacy
A good handle on pop culture.
My vocation. Being a teacher is who I am.

The first thing people notice about me:

I have been described as "articulate" and outgoing. I love surprising my students with references to current culture when they least expect it. I usually get their attention when I can use Homer Simpson as a mnemonic for the scientific method.

..Some additional information I want you to know:

I am not a hard person to get to know but I am careful. Chemistry to me is not about hormones but how well we communicate and build trust. I hope you will give me the opportunity to get to know you as you get to know me. Feel free to send me your guided communication questions or open a direct email conversation.


My interests:

I typically spend my leisure time:

During the school year I tend to spend my home time quietly. I love novels that have real depth and character development. My favorite shows include House, Bones and Big Bang Theory and movies that I enjoy the most make me laugh or are filled with a lot of action. (Marvel anyone?). I am not a hard core hiker, but I do enjoy walking in the woods especially in the fall. I have been trying new things this summer from walking our local track, water aerobics and I'm almost talked into trying Zumba with my friends.

The last book I read and enjoyed:

"The Passage" by Justin Cronin. Amazing, apocalyptic, believable and hopeful. A virus is unleashed on humanity that creates a race of creatures with a hive mind. The only way to destroy the many is to find and destroy the creator. The characters and story get in your head and stay there for weeks after. Simply genius. Currently reading "The Help" which follows the lives of 60 era black women who are employed as maids. It is written from their point of view of the southern women they work for during a very volatile time in our race history. Touching and uses a lot of humor to tell a difficult story.


According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:
Funny
Articulate
Caring
Intelligent
Last edited by mbhopkins; June 14,2011 at 4:40pm. Reason: updated profile and removed previous text file.
 
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Jennivere is offline Jennivere Post #2  June 14,2011, 11:00am
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I am close to your age (within 5 years) and just went through this so maybe I can help.

The one thing I am most passionate about:

I believe in being a life long learner and enjoy every opportunity to learn and experience new things. Music has always been a big part of my life and that of my kids and I love to sing. Finally, although I do not see myself as a religious person, faith is extremely important to me. It is the fabric that my life has been cut from, and the tether that keeps me focused even in the most difficult of times. I believe that faith is shown through how we treat our families, others and God's creation.
You should pick one thing that you are most passionate about and expound on it a bit more. You have 3 here.
The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

Someone who is centered and comfortable with themselves. Looks fade and belts expand, but a man that is at peace with himself and others is the most attractive person I would be blessed to know.
I like this though might not need to bring up appearance.

In my own words:

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

I am a very reflective person. Despite outward confidence I try to take into consideration other perspectives and learn from them.
I am not sure that confidence and reflectiveness are mutually exclusive, I might reword this a bit.
The things I can't live without are:

My faith.
My kids.
My immediate family though we are far apart
My friends.
My vocation. Being a teacher is who I am.
You used 3 items to describe your family and friends, this is a dating site, you should spend more time talking about things that are important to you besides the obvious. Also give short answers for these.
The first thing people notice about me:

I have been described as "articulate" and outgoing.
Give more description here, especially as you are stating that you are articulate.
..Some additional information I want you to know:
Ask me.
This should be something that draws their attention and isn't listed elsewhere. I started a whole thread on this you might want to read for ideas.

My interests:

I typically spend my leisure time:
Since I'm pretty active while teaching all day, I tend to spend my home time quietly. I read or watch TV or interact with friends on the internet. I do enjoy going out to dinner and seeing movies. I am not a hard core hiker, but I do enjoy walking in the woods especially in the fall. My goal during the summer is to spend more time walking in preparation for one of our community's many fun run/walks to support local charities. If I'm going to sweat, I want something good to come of it.
Mention what types of books and movies you enjoy. You mentioned the internet, are you playing cards and chatting or talking on a themed forum?
The last book I read and enjoyed:
"The Passage" by Justin Cronin. Amazing, apocalyptic, believable and hopeful. The characters and story get in your head and stay there for weeks after. Simply genius. I own a Nook and am a member of a facebook book club for it. I read about 1 book a month, and that was our August selection. It is killing me to wait 2 years for the sequel. Currently reading "The Help."


Hope this helps a bit. I had to rewrite mine more times then I care to remember!
 
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mbhopkins is offline mbhopkins Post #3  June 14,2011, 11:38am
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People trust me with their teens every day for 10 months. Honest. :)

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E. TN.

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Thank you Jennivere! I will go through each of your suggestions and post an updated profile for view.

I still welcome other comments as well. I do giggle about the articulate point. I "cut my length down" - a lot in my profile thinking I was scaring off potential matches who might think I "talk too much." I may have chopped a bit too much out!

Back to the editing board.

Beth
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #4  June 14,2011, 12:41pm
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posting from the 6th largest city in America

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Hey Beth...

First thing, it would make it a bunch easier to review if you put it in the text rather than attach a document.

Second, I thought your leisure activities were pretty good. The problem is that up until that point it was pretty blah and non-descript. A reader might not get to the "good stuff." You need more specifics and more sensory language (taste, touch, smell...).

People need something to hang their hat on....to relate to you. A "me too!" moment. You like peanut butter? Me too! You like Heinlein? Me too! You like pad thai? Me too! You like the Grateful Dead? Me too!

I was surprised and a bit disappointed that you didn't mention your career earlier/with more enthusiasm (assuming you are ). If you are, for example, a history teacher with a passion for the civil war ....that is interesting and likely to engage in a more concrete way. More emphasis on music might be helpful for you....type, instruments, shows, performers, etc. Make connections. This would be great as a passion for example.

Third, mentioning God in the opening is likely to turn off some very nice, even religious, men. Presumably you put that in your settings. You can mention it later, but IMO leading with God is offputting. If you do choir in church that might be just the ticket worth mentioning.

Fourth, you may want to consider upping your age bracket for men. It is pretty common that men in this bracket will not date someone their own age/older. Fair or not, it is what it is. It doesn't hurt YOU to see more profiles.

Fifth, you don't come off as very active. That may or may not be. The more honest interests you highlight that your partner could potentially share is beneficial. IOW, most people aren't looking for someone to sit beside them and watch CSI 4 nights a week.

This is tough stuff....keep working it to present the best of you. K.
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #5  June 14,2011, 12:43pm
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The one thing I am most passionate about:

I believe in being a life long learner and enjoy every opportunity to learn and experience new things. [What things? Examples?] Music has always been a big part of my life and that of my kids and I love to sing. [Specific music? Do you go to concerts or other activities like church choir?] Finally, although I do not see myself as a religious person, faith is extremely important to me. It is the fabric that my life has been cut from, and the tether that keeps me focused even in the most difficult of times. I believe that faith is shown through how we treat our families, others and God's creation. [A little wordy, but if faith is your primary passion, you might want to cut out the other two passions and move them in the "more about me" section.]

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

Someone who is centered and comfortable with themselves. Looks fade and belts expand, but a man that is at peace with himself and others is the most attractive person I would be blessed to know. [I don't know about you, but I've met jerks who are centered and comfortable with themselves, and be rigid-thinking and inflexible. Your comment might be worth rethinking.]


The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

I am a very reflective person. Despite outward confidence I try to take into consideration other perspectives and learn from them. [I find this confusing. Are you outwardly confident and trying to be flexible? Or trying to be nonjudgmental and quietly analytical? Are you really an introvert that is thinking about what to say while the conversation moves off to another topic?]

The things I can't live without are:

My faith.
My kids.
My immediate family though we are far apart
My friends.
My vocation. Being a teacher is who I am.
[Need to expound more about this. I agree with Jennivere that friends and family could be rolled into one, and you already have a strong faith statement in your passion section.]

The first thing people notice about me:

I have been described as "articulate" and outgoing. [Really? Still can't tell]

..Some additional information I want you to know:
Ask me. [Hiding something? You're wasting an opportunity for some one to know more about you.]


My interests:

I typically spend my leisure time:
Since I'm pretty active while teaching all day, I tend to spend my home time quietly. I read or watch TV or interact with friends on the internet. I do enjoy going out to dinner and seeing movies. I am not a hard core hiker, but I do enjoy walking in the woods especially in the fall. My goal during the summer is to spend more time walking in preparation for one of our community's many fun run/walks to support local charities. If I'm going to sweat, I want something good to come of it.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
"The Passage" by Justin Cronin. Amazing, apocalyptic, believable and hopeful. The characters and story get in your head and stay there for weeks after. Simply genius. [I've never read this book and still have no idea what it's about after reading your description. So will most guys reading your profile.] I own a Nook and am a member of a facebook book club for it. I read about 1 book a month, and that was our August selection. It is killing me to wait 2 years for the sequel. Currently reading "The Help." [Another book most guys will not have a clue about.]


According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:
Funny
Articulate
Caring
Intelligent

I don't think this profile is capturing the personality your friends know. You could spice it up with some humor, add more descriptive detail to back your assertions about your attributes. What kind of target male are you looking for? Do you think he would be interested in you by reading this profile? Consider your potential match like your target reading audience, or your classroom. How would you keep them interested?
 
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mbhopkins is offline mbhopkins Post #6  June 14,2011, 4:47pm
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People trust me with their teens every day for 10 months. Honest. :)

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Joined: Jun 2011

E. TN.

Posts: 10

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Thank you all for your feedback.

It is hard to get in everything with the character limits, and frankly, some men just like getting to the point. That said, there is no doubt, I often write "feelingless" because..well.. I'm a chemist and trained in third person "just the fact ma'am" writing.

I will keep working on it, but I hope what I have done in the above revision will be a step in the correct direction. I can be taught!

Beth
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  June 14,2011, 4:49pm
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My reactions are in blue text. Red highlight I applied to your text is something which makes me especially likely to close; green highlight is something which makes me especially inclined to write.

Keep in mind that a large percentage of matches are abandoned profiles, or non-paying members, and will not write or reply for that reason.
Matches who view and don't write, or close you, are the ones to be more concerned over - especially those who were active during a free weekend.


mbhopkins wrote :
The one thing I am most passionate about:
I believe in being a life long learner and enjoy every opportunity to learn and experience new things. Music has always been a big part of my life and that of my kids and I love to sing. Finally, although I do not see myself as a religious person, faith is extremely important to me. It is the fabric that my life has been cut from, and the tether that keeps me focused even in the most difficult of times. I believe that faith is shown through how we treat our families, others and God's creation.


This is a rambling list with no cohesive theme.

Also, there is nothing here of notable personal uniqueness.


I would close for the overpowering theology. (This is also sounding intelluctually deficient for: "I do not see myself as a religious person," and "God.") Which is it?

If you're going to write "Music has always been a big part of my life" then say why or how? Add the necessary detail - otherwise the phrase is useless. What kind of music? What is the manifestation of this interest?

For me, the "learner" theme is the most appealing.


The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Someone who is centered and comfortable with themselves. Looks fade and belts expand, but a man that is at peace with himself and others is the most attractive person I would be blessed to know.


I think you should rewrite this - even if you choose to keep this theme.

"Looks fade ... bla, bla, bla" is code for overweight. (Which I close for.)

Terms like "centered" and "comfortable" should be defined or explained, since they are unclear.


Occupation: Secondary Teacher
Age 52
Height 5' 8" (actually it's 8.5")
Wants Kids: No
Kids at Home: Yes
Ethnicity White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Christian
Drinks: About once a week
Smokes: Never

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
I am a very reflective person. Despite outward confidence I try to take into consideration other perspectives and learn from them.

The things I can't live without are:
My faith.
My kids.
My immediate family though we are far apart
My friends.
My vocation. Being a teacher is who I am.


Children / family / friends are simply too repetitive and unnecessary to define you as a unique person.

Really, I would have in here answers which are specific to you.


The first thing people notice about me:
I have been described as "articulate" and outgoing.
..Some additional information I want you to know:
Ask me.


I have learned the hard way that any statement in a dating profile "people say I'm ..." is subsequently proven to be a massive overstatement.

Remove the unnecessary clutter and non-answer content, too.


I typically spend my leisure time:
Since I'm pretty active while teaching all day, I tend to spend my home time quietly. I read or watch TV or interact with friends on the internet. I do enjoy going out to dinner and seeing movies. I am not a hard core hiker, but I do enjoy walking in the woods especially in the fall. My goal during the summer is to spend more time walking in preparation for one of our community's many fun run/walks to support local charities. If I'm going to sweat, I want something good to come of it.


This answer would be another "close" for me. It's too sedantary, and there's too much negativity about yourself. You downplay yourself too much - this is your dating profile, it has to be fun and appealing to your matches.


The last book I read and enjoyed:
"The Passage" by Justin Cronin. Amazing, apocalyptic, believable and hopeful. The characters and story get in your head and stay there for weeks after. Simply genius. I own a Nook and am a member of a facebook book club for it. I read about 1 book a month, and that was our August selection. It is killing me to wait 2 years for the sequel. Currently reading "The Help."


Nothing here about you! Tell your matches why you liked it, why you like this type of literature, etc. Each answer should be about you.


My friends describe me as:
Funny
Articulate
Caring
Intelligent

For me, this needs a lot of change.

If you are not an adherant of a theology, I would tone down the theology (so there is no "god" and no "faith" in your profile.)

If you are an observer, and want like-minded matches, then leaving some of it in is probably the best thing.

Your lifestyle sounds too sedantary.

Children / family is not noteworthy, and thus unneeded.

Also, referances to "kids" implies small children - this might be a turn-off to many men in the 50's - 60's. It may help to delete all references to kids, and then add in a statement of the specific leisures you do share with your children (it both tones down the children, and creates some specific ideas that may fit with the lifestyle of some matches, giving them cause to communicate.)
 
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mbhopkins is offline mbhopkins Post #8  June 14,2011, 4:55pm
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People trust me with their teens every day for 10 months. Honest. :)

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Ouch D_Lion!

Please see the revision I placed back in post 1. Many of your points are very well taken and I appreciate your directness and direction.

Beth
 
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annother is offline annother Post #9  June 14,2011, 5:44pm
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Great rewrite! Well done.

(I'd take out the 8'5" thing, though.)

Good luck!
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #10  June 14,2011, 5:49pm
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Much better. Quick study!! And I bet you dollars to donuts people will want to know the Homer Simpson speech...
 
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