Profile review - what am I doing wrong?

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hannnahkl Post #1 May 16,2011, 11:08am

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Joined: May 2011

DC area

Posts: 2

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I've had 50-some profile views, lots of closed matches, and not one single glimmer of interest. I don't think my photo's *that* bad. Any suggestions on the profile text?

Age: 39
Occupation: technical support for Federal agency
Height: 5'5"
Education: Masters
What university/college did you attend? Duke / Texas A&M
Kids: Maybe
Ethnicity: White/Non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual but not religious
Smokes: No
Drinks: About once a week

Influences:
I spent a lot of time when I was growing up with one of my great-aunts, and everyone says I take after her; she was very smart and very self-sufficient, and spent years working and traveling during the Depression and post-WWII when that was still unusual for a woman. My AP history teacher in high school was also a huge influence; I ended up double-majoring in history in college because he made history so fascinating.

Important quality:
I think a combination of humor and intelligence is really important. Being able to laugh at myself, or laugh at the situation when life gets frustrating, really keeps me going, and that's something I look for in a partner as well - to be able to laugh with me, and occasionally at me when it's warranted!

What people notice:
Usually my accent; I may have lived in DC for 15 years, but my Southern accent isn't going anywhere anytime soon!

What people don't notice that I wish they would:
People tend to assume I'm shy because I'm quiet around large groups, but I'm really not; I just dislike interrupting other people's conversations so a lot of times there's no good opening for me to jump in and start chatting.

Can't live without:
Music
Family
Friends
Cats
Coffee

Last book I read:
Anne Perry, Treason at Lisson Grove - she's been writing this series about a husband and wife in Victorian England for at least 20 years now, and this is the latest installment. This one was about a conspiracy within the British government, and that's all I'll say in case someone wants to read it.

Additional info:
I'm only just sticking a toe back into the dating pool, so I'm really looking to take things slow to start with; the last couple of years have been pretty rough.
As far as other stuff... I love to travel when I get the chance (recently got to spend some time in London and Paris), I was on Jeopardy! a couple of years ago and lost - kicked butt through the first two rounds and got the final Jeopardy question wrong. I'd love to find someone who's equally comfortable attending a NASCAR race or dining at a Michelin 3-star restaurant, because I enjoy doing both.

Passions:
I have a lot of interests- I'm a frequent concertgoer, I try to make trips to New York a couple of times a year to do theatre and restaurants up there, I'm a big sports fan (football, NASCAR, baseball, college hoops, some hockey) and I'm constantly working on some project or other around the house - painting, repairs, etc.

Most thankful for:
Having a wonderful family and friends who have been really supportive over the last couple of years.
Having a really interesting, stable job.
Having known what true love and a great partnership can be like when everything works, through good times and bad.

Friends say I'm:
Caring
Loyal
Intelligent
Funny

Best skills:
Using humor to make friends laugh
Making improvements and repairs around the house
Remaining calm yet resilient through a crisis

In my spare time:
Watching tv (series or sports, almost no reality tv), going out to restaurants, reading, working in the yard or on house projects.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

tangochef Post #2 May 16,2011, 11:26am

enjoying NYC.

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Joined: May 2011

Southern CA

Posts: 2,361

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Red flags:

Can't live without your "cats".

You want to take things slow (implies not serious about dating).

All activities are sedentary.

If the picture you show is part of your profile picture, it is not flattering due to harsh shadows.

joesch Post #3 May 16,2011, 11:31am

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Joined: May 2011

Posts: 4

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Please take this with a grain of salt because I just joined. My comments are in red.

--

What people don't notice that I wish they would:
People tend to assume I'm shy because I'm quiet around large groups, but I'm really not; I just dislike interrupting other people's conversations so a lot of times there's no good opening for me to jump in and start chatting.

I would rewrite this to sound a little less negative about yourself. It sounds a little defensive to me.

Can't live without:
Music
Family
Friends
Cats
Coffee

Perhaps we can drill this down to a be a little more personal because I know a lot of people who enjoy family, friends and music.

Additional info:
I'm only just sticking a toe back into the dating pool, so I'm really looking to take things slow to start with; the last couple of years have been pretty rough.
As far as other stuff... I love to travel when I get the chance (recently got to spend some time in London and Paris), I was on Jeopardy! a couple of years ago and lost - kicked butt through the first two rounds and got the final Jeopardy question wrong. I'd love to find someone who's equally comfortable attending a NASCAR race or dining at a Michelin 3-star restaurant, because I enjoy doing both.

I would pull out that first paragraph and the "as far as other stuff" To me, I already know that you're wanting to date (your paying for this site) so it seems like you may be down about it. That's just me though.

Passions:
I have a lot of interests- I'm a frequent concertgoer, I try to make trips to New York a couple of times a year to do theatre and restaurants up there, I'm a big sports fan (football, NASCAR, baseball, college hoops, some hockey) and I'm constantly working on some project or other around the house - painting, repairs, etc.

Love this.

Most thankful for:
Having a wonderful family and friends who have been really supportive over the last couple of years.
Having a really interesting, stable job.
Having known what true love and a great partnership can be like when everything works, through good times and bad.

On having a wonderful family. Why do you say the last couple of years? This makes me think you may have been having big problems. That information is better saved for later communication in my humble opinion. I love the last one.

--

I'm probably just nit-picking but I hope this helps! Maybe you can review my profile. I just posted it at

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...w-27-male.html (Profile Review / 27 Male)

Take care!

hannnahkl Post #4 May 16,2011, 11:32am

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Joined: May 2011

DC area

Posts: 2

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I figured being a 39 year old widow would scare more people off; maybe I should make it clear exactly why I'm not jumping back into dating with both feet.

I have what I consider a better profile picture, but it keeps getting rejected, and I can't figure out why. It doesn't violate any of the guidelines that I can see, and it's better than a lot of the photos I have seen.

KikiAZ Post #5 May 16,2011, 11:48am

posting from the 6th largest city in America

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Joined: Apr 2011

Posts: 1,649

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hannnahkl wrote :

Height: 5'5"
Education: Masters
What university/college did you attend? Duke / Texas A&M
Kids: Maybe WHY maybe???? At 39 you should know this answer and be able to be truthful about it.
Ethnicity: White/Non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual but not religious
Smokes: No
Drinks: About once a week

Influences:
I spent a lot of time when I was growing up with one of my great-aunts, and everyone says I take after her; she was very smart and very self-sufficient, and spent years working and traveling during the Depression and post-WWII when that was still unusual for a woman. My AP history teacher in high school was also a huge influence; I ended up double-majoring in history in college because he made history so fascinating.

I'd edit this a bit. First, keep it to one person and tighten it up. EG : My great aunt Edith who travelled to the pyramids alone during WWII before settling down in Memphis to raise a family....or something. As written, it makes your aunt sound interesting (to another woman) but not like a relationship person...Smart and self sufficient might read like "doesn't need a man" and you have just said you two are two peas in a pod.

Important quality:
I think a combination of humor and intelligence is really important. Being able to laugh at myself, or laugh at the situation when life gets frustrating, really keeps me going, and that's something I look for in a partner as well - to be able to laugh with me, and occasionally at me when it's warranted!

The beginning of this is blah and vague. Very few people look for the dumb and dry guys.

What people notice:
Usually my accent; I may have lived in DC for 15 years, but my Southern accent isn't going anywhere anytime soon!

My southern drawl.

No amount of time in the big city can wipe it out.

What people don't notice that I wish they would:
People tend to assume I'm shy because I'm quiet around large groups, but I'm really not; I just dislike interrupting other people's conversations so a lot of times there's no good opening for me to jump in and start chatting.

Blah. This is one of 1000 forms of "I'm shy/not really shy."

Can't live without:
Music (Garth? Ella? Jimi? Give some specificity)
Family
Friends
Cats (The dreaded cat lady....

; if you have to use this, I'd say "My two cats Paco and Pablo..." or whatever, not just all cats everywhere!)
Coffee

This list is sooo boring. It's the female version of "oxygen and food." Be more specific. Billy Holliday music, espresso, the smell of magnolias, hot bubble bathes, and silky sheets. Add some texure and sensory stuff.

Last book I read:
Anne Perry, Treason at Lisson Grove - she's been writing this series about a husband and wife in Victorian England for at least 20 years now, and this is the latest installment. This one was about a conspiracy within the British government, and that's all I'll say in case someone wants to read it.

Additional info:
I'm only just sticking a toe back into the dating pool, so I'm really looking to take things slow to start with; the last couple of years have been pretty rough.
I wouldn't write this, it screams BAGGAGE.

As far as other stuff... I love to travel when I get the chance (recently got to spend some time in London and Paris), I was on Jeopardy! a couple of years ago (delete: and lost) - THIS IS COOOOOL! HIGHLIGHT IT! kicked butt through the first two rounds and got the final Jeopardy question wrong. I'd love to find someone who's equally comfortable attending a NASCAR race or dining at a Michelin 3-star restaurant, because I enjoy doing both. I would lead with this if I were you.

Passions:
I have a lot of interests- I'm a frequent concertgoer, I try to make trips to New York a couple of times a year to do theatre and restaurants up there, I'm a big sports fan (football, NASCAR, baseball, college hoops, some hockey) and I'm constantly working on some project or other around the house - painting, repairs, etc.

Most thankful for:
Having a wonderful family and friends who have been really supportive over the last couple of years.
Having a really interesting, stable job.
Having known what true love and a great partnership can be like when everything works, through good times and bad.

Friends say I'm:
Caring
Loyal
Intelligent
Funny

Best skills:
Using humor to make friends laugh
Making improvements and repairs around the house
Remaining calm yet resilient through a crisis

In my spare time:
Watching tv (series or sports, almost no reality tv), going out to restaurants, reading, working in the yard or on house projects.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

Hi! Specifics above in blue.

You need to put the guy-friendly stuff up front. "I'm a southern woman, who loves the Sooners/Hornets/Cowboys (depending on the season) and was on jeapardy last year. Looking for a man who knows college hoops and who was the 47th person to climb Everest (or whatever your final question was)."

It seems to me you have buried a some really cool facts and things some guys might be interested in (sports, southern drawl and jeapardy) and inserted 3 or more things that might ring the "close" bell (cats, rough period recently, and being like a great aunt who could be read to "don't need no man, dagnabit!", tv watching=sendentary).

Best.

ami1uwant Post #6 May 16,2011, 12:19pm

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,640

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hannnahkl wrote :

Last book I read:
Anne Perry, Treason at Lisson Grove - she's been writing this series about a husband and wife in Victorian England for at least 20 years now, and this is the latest installment. This one was about a conspiracy within the British government, and that's all I'll say in case someone wants to read it.

Additional info:
I'm only just sticking a toe back into the dating pool, so I'm really looking to take things slow to start with; the last couple of years have been pretty rough.

This screams baggage....are you really ready to date...let me know when you want to at least wade in the pool. Why should I even both commmunicating with you?
As far as other stuff... I love to travel when I get the chance (recently got to spend some time in London and Paris), I was on Jeopardy! a couple of years ago and lost - kicked butt through the first two rounds and got the final Jeopardy question wrong. I'd love to find someone who's equally comfortable attending a NASCAR race or dining at a Michelin 3-star restaurant, because I enjoy doing both.

Do you read Michelin because you thought it was a tire book????

Passions:
I have a lot of interests- I'm a frequent concertgoer, I try to make trips to New York a couple of times a year to do theatre and restaurants up there, I'm a big sports fan (football, NASCAR, baseball, college hoops, some hockey) and I'm constantly working on some project or other around the house - painting, repairs, etc.

What makes you passionate are why you chose your career, what causes you truly believe in, what do you regularly volunteer in, is their a hobby you will never give up?

Most thankful for:
Having a wonderful family and friends who have been really supportive over the last couple of years.
Having a really interesting, stable job.
Having known what true love and a great partnership can be like when everything works, through good times and bad.

Friends say I'm:
Caring
Loyal
Intelligent
Funny

Best skills:
Using humor to make friends laugh
Making improvements and repairs around the house
Remaining calm yet resilient through a crisis

In my spare time:
Watching tv (series or sports, almost no reality tv), going out to restaurants, reading, working in the yard or on house projects.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

Above comments in blue....I am in your target audience as a 41 yr old male. An issue with your profile will be the photos you use on your profile and whether you look attractive.

Another problem you will have...you are 39 ...do you want to have children still??? At your age men have the advantage...they will tend to opt to date women in their mid 30s where there still is time to have children and its not rushed as it is at your age where it will be the feeling of needing to have a baby with you once the knot is tied.

What are you match settings in terms of age and distance??? How far would you venture to date?

ami1uwant Post #7 May 16,2011, 12:23pm

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,640

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hannnahkl wrote :

I may have missed the Widow piece which would explain why you are scared to jump back in to dating...but still if you dont jump both feet first in this you are strining me along and wasting my time and arent serious about dating.

At my age I am looking to get married...not just to date so I am not going to stay with someone just for fun. If I felt like we werent going to get married then I will end it.

ami1uwant Post #8 May 16,2011, 12:28pm

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Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,640

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KikiAZ wrote :

Her putting maybe is fine.....

If Eharmony had better questions to clear this up it would be different.

Maybe means she may want to have her own family and it means she would be oprn to him having kids already.

If she says yes then it says she weants to be a mom which would scare quite a few quys off.

If she says no it will kick out the guys who either do want to have children or already have children from a past relationship.

mitchell175 Post #9 May 16,2011, 1:42pm

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

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Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,394

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I am your age, and I spent 6 months on EH before I had one date. Sometimes, it takes time.

wrote :

Additional info:
I'm only just sticking a toe back into the dating pool, so I'm really looking to take things slow to start with; the last couple of years have been pretty rough.

I agree with the others that this reads negatively, and raises a red flag that you are not serious about dating. Since you went into further detail later on in subsequent posts about being a young widow, I think you should talk about that here.

wrote :

As far as other stuff... I love to travel when I get the chance (recently got to spend some time in London and Paris), I was on Jeopardy! a couple of years ago and lost - kicked butt through the first two rounds and got the final Jeopardy question wrong. I'd love to find someone who's equally comfortable attending a NASCAR race or dining at a Michelin 3-star restaurant, because I enjoy doing both.

I thought that looked like a Jeopardy! picture! I am sure that I saw you on the show

Most of this belongs in "leisure activities". I had to do a lot of work on my profile over the months I was on EH. It's very hard to have a good profile. When listing leisure activities, think of things that a match could see himself doing with you.

wrote :

Passions:
I have a lot of interests- I'm a frequent concertgoer, I try to make trips to New York a couple of times a year to do theatre and restaurants up there, I'm a big sports fan (football, NASCAR, baseball, college hoops, some hockey) and I'm constantly working on some project or other around the house - painting, repairs, etc.

I believe this is from the top section of your profile, the very first thing that your matches will see. The actual wording is "The one thing I am most passionate about". What EH is looking for here is that "one thing". Not a laundry list of leisure activities. But, 99% of my EH matches got that question wrong, too. It is a very poorly worded question from EH. What the question is supposed to answer is what is that one thing that makes you "you". Some people will be sticklers about this. There is a "leisure activities" section below in the profile.

hannnahkl wrote :

I figured being a 39 year old widow would scare more people off; maybe I should make it clear exactly why I'm not jumping back into dating with both feet.

Yes, definitely. See above.

wrote :

I have what I consider a better profile picture, but it keeps getting rejected, and I can't figure out why. It doesn't violate any of the guidelines that I can see, and it's better than a lot of the photos I have seen.

I often have better luck uploading pics from Facebook onto EH. I don't know why, but 9 times out of 10, EH will not accept the exact same pics from my hard drive.

And, you should have a full length shot, too. You could be the skinniest woman on the planet, but if you don't have up the recent full length shot, a lot of guys will think you are "hiding something".

myusernamehere Post #10 May 16,2011, 2:16pm

is awesome

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...

Last edited by myusernamehere; May 16,2011 at 3:05pm.

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