WHAT?! "My partner must be considered very attractive by todays standards"


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FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #1  May 12,2011, 11:28am
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Can there be anything more SHALLOW, than sending your 'Must haves/Can't stands' and one of them being "My partner must be considered very attracive by todays standards"??? Especially when the guy sending it isn't much to look at himself! Then one of his 'Can't stands' was, 'I cannot stand someone who is overwieght'. My god! Is that shallow or what!
I consider myself to be attractive, I'm not fat and I'm not skinny, so I closed the match imediately. I mean come on, isn't the whole point of joining EH to be matched with someone that you are compatible with? Sure, you have to be attracted to your match, but isn't that pretty much like saying you've practically got be to a skinny model to continue comminication with that guy?! Well no thanks!
So ladies and gents, what do you think about that?
Firewoman
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #2  May 12,2011, 11:32am
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FirewomanLS wrote :
Can there be anything more SHALLOW, than sending your 'Must haves/Can't stands' and one of them being "My partner must be considered very attracive by todays standards"??? Especially when the guy sending it isn't much to look at himself! Then one of his 'Can't stands' was, 'I cannot stand someone who is overwieght'. My god! Is that shallow or what!
I consider myself to be attractive, I'm not fat and I'm not skinny, so I closed the match imediately. I mean come on, isn't the whole point of joining EH to be matched with someone that you are compatible with? Sure, you have to be attracted to your match, but isn't that pretty much like saying you've practically got be to a skinny model to continue comminication with that guy?! Well no thanks!
So ladies and gents, what do you think about that?
Firewoman
I fail to see the problem with those answers. For some people they're used to weed people out, and you got exactly what you needed so you can move on. Instead of thinking of those answers as a bad thing, use it as good.

Edit: I also fail to see why you're taking it so PERSONAL. If he's seen your pictures and is trying to go through the process with you, maybe he thinks you're attractive enough by his standards or societies standards and that your weight is perfectly fine. Just because he selected those answers doesn't mean they APPLY TO YOU. Ugh. If you're turned off by the fact that he even used those answers then use it as a filter to weed people out and move on like I said.
Last edited by jme21; May 12,2011 at 11:37am.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #3  May 12,2011, 11:33am
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I think everything worked just as it should. You got to find out at a very early stage that he was someone you would not be compatible with.

Good Close.
 
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FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #4  May 12,2011, 11:34am
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Oh believe you me, I am THRILLED to bits that I found that out now! I guess I'm just shocked is all.
 
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FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #5  May 12,2011, 11:36am
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FirewomanLS wrote :
Oh believe you me, I am THRILLED to bits that I found that out now! I guess I'm just shocked is all.
And disgusted.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #6  May 12,2011, 11:42am
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FirewomanLS wrote :
And disgusted.
Then you are definitely going to have a tough time with online dating. Thicker skin is called for - he wasn't insulting you personally; he simply made different choices than you would make. Close and let it go.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #7  May 12,2011, 11:43am
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jme21 wrote :
I fail to see the problem with those answers. For some people they're used to weed people out, and you got exactly what you needed so you can move on. Instead of thinking of those answers as a bad thing, use it as good.

Edit: I also fail to see why you're taking it so PERSONAL. If he's seen your pictures and is trying to go through the process with you, maybe he thinks you're attractive enough by his standards or societies standards and that your weight is perfectly fine. Just because he selected those answers doesn't mean they APPLY TO YOU. Ugh. If you're turned off by the fact that he even used those answers then use it as a filter to weed people out and move on like I said.
I completely agree with this.
OP, I can understand not liking his answers and even not wanting to continue, but I don't see why it offends you so. I don't know if you are new to online dating or not, but if so be prepared to be offended a LOT. While someone may not spell it out in their must haves, it's not an uncommon attitude.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #8  May 12,2011, 11:45am
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FirewomanLS wrote :
Can there be anything more SHALLOW, than sending your 'Must haves/Can't stands' and one of them being "My partner must be considered very attracive by todays standards"??? Especially when the guy sending it isn't much to look at himself! Then one of his 'Can't stands' was, 'I cannot stand someone who is overwieght'. My god! Is that shallow or what!
I consider myself to be attractive, I'm not fat and I'm not skinny, so I closed the match imediately. I mean come on, isn't the whole point of joining EH to be matched with someone that you are compatible with? Sure, you have to be attracted to your match, but isn't that pretty much like saying you've practically got be to a skinny model to continue comminication with that guy?! Well no thanks!
So ladies and gents, what do you think about that?
Firewoman
I think you overreacted and closed a match for what is clearly and obviously eHarmony's fault for the worst possible choice of words ever. You might not have noticed, but there is no other "must have" regarding attraction that says "I must have a partner I find attractive". So while you might have zero'd in on "by today's standards" he most likely focused on the "attractive" part and meant it as "I must have a partner I find attractive"... You wanna judge him shallow for that, go right ahead... But my guess is you wouldn't have responded to his first questions if you didn't find him attractive either.

And therein lies the irony in all of this. You just closed a man out for having the balls to say that which you yourself most likely are doing (or will do in the future when you meet him), and because the idiots at eHarmony apparently have no foresight when it comes to how people can misinterpret a few poor choices of words.

Best of luck to you in your search... I only hope your matches aren't as quick to judge you over meaningless poop as you are to judge them over it apparently.
Last edited by Harryoss; May 12,2011 at 11:56am.
 
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FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #9  May 12,2011, 11:48am
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
Then you are definitely going to have a tough time with online dating. Thicker skin is called for - he wasn't insulting you personally; he simply made different choices than you would make. Close and let it go.
Never for a second did I think he was insulting me personally. It would take a lot more than that trust me! I just think it's really shallow. And that he chose to communicate with me because of my photo, not because of what I'm about. He was also 10 years younger than me, which explains a lot.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #10  May 12,2011, 11:52am
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FirewomanLS wrote :
Never for a second did I think he was insulting me personally. It would take a lot more than that trust me! I just think it's really shallow. And that he chose to communicate with me because of my photo, not because of what I'm about. He was also 10 years younger than me, which explains a lot.

All I see here is more baseless assumptions. So 1 must have out of 10, and 1 can't stand out of 10 is about attraction and looks... OH THE HORROR!!! This clearly means looks are all this person cares about. I mean, it's almost as if this person has the audacity to think that a romantic interest involved there being some kind of physical attraction between the 2 people involved.

HOW DARE HE?!!!
 
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