WHAT?! "My partner must be considered very attractive by todays standards"


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FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #21  May 12,2011, 12:30pm
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eDisharmony wrote :
Maybe he's met a lot of women who didn't look like their profile pics and is sick of wasting his time and paying for dates with women he'd never have hit on IRL?

If he's communicating with you based on your profile pics *AND* those pics are accurate, then clearly he thinks you qualify.

Having those two Can't Stands filters out women who are too insecure about their looks.

It's no more shallow than the things women often filter men out for, even if they don't explicitly say it like the guy did here in MH/CS.
I think it's too bad that men or women 'filter' out for looks or weight. I first joined EH on a free weekend(you cannot see the pictures), and I didn't care that I couldn't see how good looking they were or weren't. Or how much they weighed. I joined not to find 'Mr.Perfect', I joined to find the guy that was perfect for me. Sure you have to be attracted to your partner, but you can be attracted on many levels. Beauty comes from the inside out. And outer beauty fades over time. I don't know, I guess I'm different.
 
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FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #22  May 12,2011, 12:36pm
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RandomEharmonyMember wrote :
I think you are overreacting.

I have the overweight one listed not so much because I have a problem dating a heavy girl(I was in a relationship for over 8 months with an overweight girl) but because I'm looking for a girl that has a high energy level and exercises regularly. Not to mention someone that can keep up during high endurance adventures.

Regardless of how shallow you may feel it is, these are deal-breakers for many people.
Being a Nurse, I know many over weight people that have energy that would put some physically fit people to shame! Just because someone is over weight doesn't make them slow and lazy.
What it all boils down to is choice. To each their own!
 
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FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #23  May 12,2011, 12:38pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
Indeed there is another "attractive" must-have option which I wouldn't fault a match for choosing, and that's chemistry.

Chemistry...I must feel deeply in love with and attracted to my partner.

Attractiveness...I must have a partner who is considered "very attractive" by most current standards.
THANK YOU!!!
 
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FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #24  May 12,2011, 12:41pm
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Ooohh la la. So many coments so little time to respond...
 
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RandomEharmonyMember is offline RandomEharmonyMember Post #25  May 12,2011, 12:47pm
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FirewomanLS wrote :
Being a Nurse, I know many over weight people that have energy that would put some physically fit people to shame! Just because someone is over weight doesn't make them slow and lazy.
What it all boils down to is choice. To each their own!
Exactly! This is why they have an "attractive" and "overweight" choice...

To each their own!

E:
I LOL @ the chemistry one though....who doesn't need to feel attracted and in love with their partner?
 
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Swirlndia is offline Swirlndia Post #26  May 12,2011, 12:47pm
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FirewomanLS wrote :
Can there be anything more SHALLOW, than sending your 'Must haves/Can't stands' and one of them being "My partner must be considered very attracive by todays standards"??? Especially when the guy sending it isn't much to look at himself! Then one of his 'Can't stands' was, 'I cannot stand someone who is overwieght'. My god! Is that shallow or what!
I consider myself to be attractive, I'm not fat and I'm not skinny, so I closed the match imediately. I mean come on, isn't the whole point of joining EH to be matched with someone that you are compatible with? Sure, you have to be attracted to your match, but isn't that pretty much like saying you've practically got be to a skinny model to continue comminication with that guy?! Well no thanks!
So ladies and gents, what do you think about that?
Firewoman
I agree with you that the choice of this "must have" lets his shallowness come through. There's a difference between "attractive by today's standards" and "attractive to me". Clearly, this didn't agree with you. However, I find some of the choices on the list very redundant or useless. If I value an intelligent mind, by choosing "must have an intellect" does nothing for me. This is something that will be revealed pretty soon to me after I get a chance to personally interact during a date. Unlike other traits such as kindness/honesty/affection that take time to find out, there are certain things that you can make you own assessment right away.

So, I think if you liked everything else about him, you would continue to communicate and 1) give him a chance to explain what he meant by making that choice and 2) decide if this is as huge deal to you relatively to everything else as you think it is now.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #27  May 12,2011, 12:50pm
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I honestly think there are a lot of people out there that don't spend much time or energy on their profiles.

One of their must haves is that they must find their match attractive. I would think more people want that than not. The way the MH is worded makes it sound like they only want a supermodel. But, they didn't take the time to carefully read and edit; they just quickly picked 10 things.

On several occasions, I have gotten matches that have selected seemingly superficial MH/CS. I usually just ask about it in open communication. Like the one that says something about a sense style and fashion or whatever. My first thought was that doesn't apply to me really and I probably wouldn't be a good match for someone who wanted a guy that had a GQ subscription or whatever. But, I just asked about it in open communication and her response was that she didn't really think about it, she just wanted a guy that wasn't a slob.
 
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texasgal09 is offline texasgal09 Post #28  May 12,2011, 1:34pm
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Clearly attraction is high on the list of priorities, but shouldn't that be a given? Why must this particular MH be worded in such a way? I would think most everyone on EH would like to find someone to whom they are physically attracted and with whom they have chemistry, but I don't think this MH really needs to be on there. I would think the photos, what's written in the profile and meeting in person would be enough to gauge the match's attractiveness.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #29  May 12,2011, 1:56pm
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FirewomanLS wrote :
I think it's too bad that men or women 'filter' out for looks or weight...
I don't think people would look just for physical beauty or inner beauty in a LTR partner, but a combination.

So, if one side of the equation is lacking than people do "filter".

Inner beauty is more lasting as I have met (not online) people that are very nice and became friends with them, but put them instantly in the friends column due to lack of physical attraction.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #30  May 12,2011, 2:47pm
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FirewomanLS wrote :
Can there be anything more SHALLOW, than sending your 'Must haves/Can't stands' and one of them being "My partner must be considered very attracive by todays standards"??? Especially when the guy sending it isn't much to look at himself! Then one of his 'Can't stands' was, 'I cannot stand someone who is overwieght'. My god! Is that shallow or what!
I consider myself to be attractive, I'm not fat and I'm not skinny, so I closed the match imediately. I mean come on, isn't the whole point of joining EH to be matched with someone that you are compatible with? Sure, you have to be attracted to your match, but isn't that pretty much like saying you've practically got be to a skinny model to continue comminication with that guy?! Well no thanks!
So ladies and gents, what do you think about that?
Firewoman
I have had one woman have "my partner must be considered very attractive by today's standards" as a MH and several women have "I can't stand someone who is overweight" as one of their CS's.

How I see it is that they are entitled to list whatever MH/CS is important to them. However, if I feel that said MH/CS is in direct conflict to who I am as a person, then obviously there will be no future interaction with said individuals. Btw, for the aforementioned women, I did not meet any of them.

Lastly, let's face it, people need to be attracted to their potential matches first before seeing if there is any compatibility. It may be shallow or superficial, but it is what it is.

I guess the GC process is effective, because now you don't have to worry about furthering communication with the guy. Consider yourself very fortunate for not wasting any more time with him.

B.Y.
 
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