WHAT?! "My partner must be considered very attractive by todays standards"


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #101  May 14,2011, 4:23pm
beccaf87's Avatar

Board Leader - Travel

Joined: Sep 2010

Posts: 1,134

See profile

ScottK wrote :

This I don't agree with...
During my time on these boards, this sort of comment has been mentioned by people, (mostly females), time and time again.

I understand there is a deep fear with a lot of women, that a guy will bail on you because you gain weight while you are pregnant, get into an accident, or as you age, you will lose your looks...

It is the same fear a lot of guys have, in what if we lose our job and can't provide at the same level any more.

So should I Close women any time they have the "Must be financially responsible" ?
This can be read in many ways, and a pessimistic person would read it as "She will bail if I lose my job/can't provide at the same level anymore".

But for both MHCS, people are simply reading their own fears and anxieties into it.



PS: And yes I agree with dropdeadredtx, judging by your Photo here, you are most definitely attractive. I suspect you did quite well during your time on eH.
I can see your point with that example but still would rather not make looks such a priority since he must like my photos to message me. With the financial example, usually there isn't a real indicator in the profile so they may want to add that to the must haves.

And no, I never got a single date on EH. I did however have some better success on other sites. Thank you for the compliment though.

I probably do have some issues since I have experienced some mean things in the past based on looks. Aside from the ex and the weight issue, I have had other issues. I have a skin color mole on the side of my nose and that same ex said it was something his friends disapproved of and that he had to "overlook".

I know I should not be worrying so much about these types of things, but I don't want to end up with another guy who is so overly focused on looks.
 
  Reply With Quote
boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #102  May 14,2011, 4:29pm
boomer_gal's Avatar

lives where there are rainbows

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2010

Honolulu

Posts: 2,520

See profile

ScottK wrote :
So should I Close women any time they have the "Must be financially responsible" ?
This can be read in many ways, and a pessimistic person would read it as "She will bail if I lose my job/can't provide at the same level anymore".

But for both MHCS, people are simply reading their own fears and anxieties into it.
^^^ That is so true. I would have never guessed that anyone would read "must be financially responsible" & think that they might get dumped if they were not able to provide at a specified level. Not in a million years would I have thought that. I don't recall if that was one of my Must Haves or not. But it might have been, because my ex husband ran up over $100K in debt during the last 10 or so years of our marriage. It never occurred to me to dump him when he lost his job, we had to sell our house, I had to take a loan against my retirement. Stupid me. That won't be happening again. But yes, we all do read our own fears & anxieties into everything.
 
  Reply With Quote
myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #103  May 14,2011, 4:30pm
myusernameher…'s Avatar

is awesome

Veteran

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 1,407

See profile

ScottK wrote :
PS: And yes I agree with dropdeadredtx, judging by your Photo here, you are most definitely attractive. I suspect you did quite well during your time on eH.
Keep in mind that attractiveness is subjective. Somebody could be considered attractive by one person and not attractive by another person. Nobody will be considered attractive by all people.
 
  Reply With Quote
FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #104  May 17,2011, 7:56am
FirewomanLS's Avatar

Says it takes all kinds to make the world go round!

Quick Study

Joined: May 2011

Canada

Posts: 233

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Could it be YOU who is the shallow one. It is YOU who are offended by these MHCSs. FWIW I have had a few eHarmony matches (women) have these very same MHCS. I have just continued on with the communication process and I will let her judge my attractiveness in person, just as I will decide in person if I find her to be attractive to ME.
Ummm, gee, the whole reason I started this thread, is because I am indeed offended by it!
 
  Reply With Quote
RandomEharmonyMember is offline RandomEharmonyMember Post #105  May 17,2011, 9:02am
RandomEharmon…'s Avatar

is smiling manicly.

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2011

Posts: 303

See profile

FirewomanLS wrote :
Do you have any training in the medical field? NO? Hmmm. Guess what? I DO!

How do you know what I do for a living and have been trained in?

Well, now you guys are really going to get pissed about what I am about to say! You are right about one thing, Americans are severely over weight! However, I'm from Canada. And in my proffesional opinion, MOST of the Patients I treat, are SINCERELY over weight because of medical problems, not because they sit around all day eating fast food.

This doesn't piss anyone off, it just supports an argument even more.

Since this topic is about MH/CS and being shallow we might as well keep it this way.

All I think I know is that I 'must have' a "passionate, attractive and sexually experienced" partner and 'can't stand' someone in "denial or who is overweight, lazy and uninterested."

Yes, I'm very shallow and if being shallow helps me find the love my life than please suggest how I can increase my shallowness ten fold.

wrote :
I think I might know a little more don't you think
No.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #106  May 17,2011, 12:13pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

FirewomanLS wrote :
Ummm, gee, the whole reason I started this thread, is because I am indeed offended by it!
I think you missed his point that you have been arguing with every post that disagrees with your POV. It's like you wanted everyone to agree with you and all others were wrong.

You have every right to be offended by anything in anyone's profile. But, if you take offense so quickly and refuse to ask for clarification, you may just pass up someone great, or down right perfect, for you.

I personally don't like that MH. But, I also put it into context with the rest of the profile. If they seems to have a focus on appearances, then this would indeed be very telling. If they had a more rounded profile I might try to make it to Step 3 and ask a question that might put things in perspective.

I've had men tell me a completely different reason for choosing specific MH/CSs than I could ever think of. One said he chose the Personal Style one because he didn't want someone who would sit around all day in their PJs.
 
  Reply With Quote
psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #107  May 17,2011, 1:41pm
psgcooldog's Avatar

dreams of a place called home ...

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2010

Kenton, DE

Posts: 1,296

See profile

AndieIsMe wrote :
I think you missed his point that you have been arguing with every post that disagrees with your POV. It's like you wanted everyone to agree with you and all others were wrong.

You have every right to be offended by anything in anyone's profile. But, if you take offense so quickly and refuse to ask for clarification, you may just pass up someone great, or down right perfect, for you.

I personally don't like that MH. But, I also put it into context with the rest of the profile. If they seems to have a focus on appearances, then this would indeed be very telling. If they had a more rounded profile I might try to make it to Step 3 and ask a question that might put things in perspective.

I've had men tell me a completely different reason for choosing specific MH/CSs than I could ever think of. One said he chose the Personal Style one because he didn't want someone who would sit around all day in their PJs.
Andie is quite right. I think the point was made earlier that for most of us folks that have already been around the block a time or two, these MH/CS answers are reactive, clues to where we've been before that we do not wish to go again.

I'm betting that the fellow Andie speaks of above, who selected "Personal Style", actually did have a relationship in the past where his partner did sit around in PJs all day, and he knows damn well that he doesn't want that again.

When I went through the profile setup, I know that I saw the "attractiveness" ones, and although I don't recall which I picked, if I did pick the one that FireWoman hates so much, it's because my ex-wife was morbidly obese, and I cannot and will not ever go "there" again.

"Attractive to me" leaves room for that, where in my reality there simply is no room for that. "Attractive by contemporary standards" is less equivocal.

I maintain that the MH/CS stuff is just poorly designed. And FW is putting far too much faith in such a poorly-designed system. As I said, it is absurd to think that any multiple-choice quiz could ever be a "window into the soul" as she seems to feel that it is.

So, you noticed the arguing too, eh? LOL!
 
  Reply With Quote
FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #108  May 18,2011, 6:09am
FirewomanLS's Avatar

Says it takes all kinds to make the world go round!

Quick Study

Joined: May 2011

Canada

Posts: 233

See profile

RandomEharmonyMember wrote :
Since this topic is about MH/CS and being shallow we might as well keep it this way.

All I think I know is that I 'must have' a "passionate, attractive and sexually experienced" partner and 'can't stand' someone in "denial or who is overweight, lazy and uninterested."

Yes, I'm very shallow and if being shallow helps me find the love my life than please suggest how I can increase my shallowness ten fold.



No.

I think you must be confused? Why are you responding to a comment that wasn't addressed to you? I think we all know to who I had addressed this comment to, and it wasn't addressed to you RandomEHarmonyMember!
 
  Reply With Quote
FirewomanLS is offline FirewomanLS Post #109  May 18,2011, 6:21am
FirewomanLS's Avatar

Says it takes all kinds to make the world go round!

Quick Study

Joined: May 2011

Canada

Posts: 233

See profile

I don't want to argue with anybody. The whole reason I started this thread, is because it's MY point of view. And my POV is that I found it to be shallow. I also started this thread because I was interested in knowing what others POV was. Everybody is allowed to have their own pov! There's nothing wrong with that! This thread was meant to be a friendly debate! Nothing more!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Profile review please: 41yo Female | Using eHarmony | Profile review - 34 / Female »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Women More Attractive Than Partner Is Best? Skyking6976 Dating 51 April 6,2010 4:20pm
wondering what part of a woman catches a man's eye first Nylit Ask a Dating Expert 41 September 20,2009 5:22pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Where's the other boot?” –  Breezy1

Join the “She stared at my feet. Is this normal?” discussion

“Exit interviews are highly recommended in many dating books and in other life strategy books. They are very effective. I think he would answer honestly to the some point. I know that is horrible and ... ” –  biking_girl

Join the “Exit interview after unsuccessful date” discussion

“And I'd also add that while a successful stable job down the road and a solid income is helpful in attracting a woman, it's no guarantee that finding love will be easy for you. I know plenty of men ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“I think if someone says they can't meet you for weeks, they are lukewarm interested. Even if he were truly busy with a project, he'd be able to drop you an email or a text here and there. I took ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Did he poof?” discussion

“ Yes, illegal aliens aren't treated as illegals. lol OP, trust your gut. A few months ago, I met a guy on match, who said his membership was expiring, and gave me his IM so we could chat. I ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“Stop humping my leg.” –  Breezy1

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion

“I thought this thread was about exercise. Positive OP though...nice to see.” –  Breezy1

Join the “It's a matter of fit” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:42pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0