Deceptive Matches (Liar, Liar)


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Maysweet is offline Maysweet Post #1  May 8,2011, 2:05pm
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It's one thing when someone posts a picture that is a few years old, but why would someone flat out lie about their age? Obviously, I know the answer, but why would someone who portrays himself as having seemingly high moral values do such a thing??

I guess I just needed to vent as I was just matched with someone this week that I was really interested in (we had started communicating). His profile displayed his own website that features his hobby, so I was able to check it out. It just so happens that his name is rather uncommon, so I was able to learn a little more about the guy (beyond his website). This is when I was able to see a true display of his age, which disappointed and shocked me. He had lied about his age by TEN years on Eharmony!

Of course this sent out huge red flags. Someone who is willing to lie so blatantly could be hiding much more. Thank God that I was able to find out before we went further into the relationship.

Are most people just not serious on this site? Is it just a game?? Do these kind of people think that they won't be found out? Why not tell the truth from the start?!

Yes, I closed him right away.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  May 8,2011, 2:19pm
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I dunno. I'm honest about my age. I like the RealID matches their info has been somewhat verified and is more likely to be true.
 
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Maysweet is offline Maysweet Post #3  May 8,2011, 2:43pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I dunno. I'm honest about my age. I like the RealID matches their info has been somewhat verified and is more likely to be true.
Out of all my matches, only two have used that feature. Perhaps those are the ones I should concentrate on.
 
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paintandbooks is offline paintandbooks Post #4  May 8,2011, 2:51pm
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People lie about their age because our culture devalues human beings once they get older - I have likened it to wearing a sign on my back that says "worthless". That said, I use my real age, and prefer the company of people who do the same, but I do understand the behavior. The "old person" stigma is so great many people believe no one will want them, given their age. People lie about their age hoping to fit within the age preference settings of more, or maybe "better", matches. On other sites, they do it so their profiles will turn up in more searches. There have been many discussions on the boards about this, and another factor has become evident - apparently a LOT of people believe they look younger than their age, and nothing can disabuse them of the notion! It's deplorable, but common. I don't like it, but it is a forgivable offense if you like the match otherwise. Often they 'fess up at the first meeting. I had one match who never told me about it, but I had great empathy for his struggles to get back into dating at midlife, so I let it go and just enjoyed his company. (didn't continue to see him on other grounds but no big deal about his "beginner's mistake" of lying about his age.)
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #5  May 8,2011, 3:02pm
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Maysweet wrote :
Out of all my matches, only two have used that feature. Perhaps those are the ones I should concentrate on.
I have some 275 matches I haven't communicated with but I have opened communication (or closed) all my RealID matches. It cost, what, $5 and five minutes to verify who you are? I thought it was a no-brainer to do it myself and not have my matches wonder.

The only annoying thing is I have to use my "real" name now and now what everyone in the real world calls me.
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #6  May 8,2011, 5:25pm
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I don't lie about my age. On June 1st I will be 60. Hard for me to believe, but it is true. People are often surprised when they hear my age (or at least they tell me that). It is tempting to lie about it. Especially when men my age are looking to date women substantially younger than we are. If I were to try to "pass" for 5 or even 10 years younger (which I think I could probably get away with), I am sure I would get many more matches with guys who rule me out sight unseen based on my age. I am not a liar and I am not going to do that. But I can understand why some people yield to the temptation.
 
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Maysweet is offline Maysweet Post #7  May 8,2011, 6:14pm
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boomer_gal wrote :
I don't lie about my age. On June 1st I will be 60. Hard for me to believe, but it is true. People are often surprised when they hear my age (or at least they tell me that). It is tempting to lie about it. Especially when men my age are looking to date women substantially younger than we are. If I were to try to "pass" for 5 or even 10 years younger (which I think I could probably get away with), I am sure I would get many more matches with guys who rule me out sight unseen based on my age. I am not a liar and I am not going to do that. But I can understand why some people yield to the temptation.
Frankly, I don't look my age either, and I agree with you that I too would never lie about my age. This guy did look much older than what he said he was on his profile, but I was willing to give him a chance based on his supposed relationship with God as well as his intellect (he wasn't all that physically attractive to me).

I think what disappoints me is that I've been on other dating sites, and have never been that impressed with what I saw. I just didn't feel that it was a safe environment, and chose Eharmony as I thought I would receive a higher caliber type of guy. I'm not giving up yet (I just started my membership). I just need to be careful,even over here.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #8  May 8,2011, 6:25pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I have some 275 matches I haven't communicated with but I have opened communication (or closed) all my RealID matches. It cost, what, $5 and five minutes to verify who you are? I thought it was a no-brainer to do it myself and not have my matches wonder.
If eH really wanted to set themselves apart from other sites. They should just make RelyID mandatory- build the $5 bucks into the cost.. (yeah-yeah I know it doesn't work for everyone)



 
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Maysweet is offline Maysweet Post #9  May 8,2011, 6:40pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
If eH really wanted to set themselves apart from other sites. They should just make RelyID mandatory- build the $5 bucks into the cost.. (yeah-yeah I know it doesn't work for everyone)
I purchased the RelyID just now! I want all of my matches to know that I'm serious about this. Yes, I've been verified..
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #10  May 8,2011, 6:52pm
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Maysweet wrote :
I purchased the RelyID just now! I want all of my matches to know that I'm serious about this. Yes, I've been verified..
Well don't assume you matches with the RelyID logo are as serious as you. It used to be sold as part of a promotion (not sure if they still do that) Anyways the logo stays on the profile for a year. So if someone picks a 3 month subscription, They logo will remain.. My point is don't assume the RelyID logo means they are a paying member..
 
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