BallStateMom is offline BallStateMom Post #1  January 16,2008, 6:56pm
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I have had a few experiences on eharmony that have left me totally deflated, and I think I just walked into another one. I nudged a match for a photo yesterday. This evening, I got a message from eHarmony notifying thatthe same matchnudged me for a photo. I immediately made my photo available to him, but then found out that he has not yet made his photo available to me, even though I nudged him first. Can anyone shed some light onto this behaviour? I started out on eHarmony feeling very comfortable about men. I was happily married to my late husbandfor 24 years and have three wonderful sons. Now I am beginning to loose faith in the opposite sex. I have no problem with this guy asking for my photo, but I don't understand why he did not post his for me to see, since I nudged him first. It's as if he wants to check me out to see if he thinks I'm good enough before he posts his photo for me. Someone PLEASE tell me I'm wrong, so that I don't start to go down that "all men are jerks" road.

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Injurednotbroken is offline Injurednotbroken Post #2  January 17,2008, 2:15pm
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What a bother. Maybe he does not have a picture yet to make available. It does not seem fair. Your reaction is very strong and you may want to look at why. Don't go down that road. I really like men. They are just not another woman. So keep your friends that are female. We all need a pal.
 
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MARYMC is offline MARYMC Post #3  January 18,2008, 6:10am
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I'm a newbie with EH and on-line dating (joined less than 1 month ago). I've been nudged (just cuz I didn't have a picture up in the first few days I joined), and I've nudged. I say go for it and put your pics up and make them available for all to see.

While I can sort of understand the reluctance, fear, etc., to make one's photos available from the get-go, doesn't it just make it simpler in the long run? That was my thought when first joining . . .

I know that some men will find me attractive and others won't - that's fine. I've loved men who ran counter to the physical traits I normally avoid, and had absolutely no interest in men who I find attractive.

I'm looking at it from the perspective that it's all in the numbers and the back & forth in the written communication. Plus I keep myself busy with lots of other activities -- example I just took up motorcycling (I passengered with my last boyfriend of 5 years and found it tons of fun and always wanted to do it --- after we broke up, I thought - why not? It's something I want to do and certainly can't hurt my chances of meeting someone new - the odds are certainly in my favor!) If I don't meet anyone through that, no matter - I'm doing something I enjoy!

And no, not all men are jerks. All people can be jerks at time - so hang in there gals and live life to the fullest - we only have 100 years on this earth and I have a lot to do and want to make it count!

Cheers!
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #4  January 18,2008, 6:53am
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Wow, yes, I agree her reaction is "very strong" as well.
Perhaps he doesn't have a picture? Or maybe he is just a jerk... So what.
Why are you hiding your picture to begin with?
You were happily married for 24 years with 3 sons.
Thats very admirable, and it is very surprising to me that you lack the confidence in yourself at this point in your life to not just post your picture regardless of the guy.
Maybe this is just a pet peeve of mine... If you are not happy enough in yourself that you don't want to have a picture out there, REGARDLESS of your body type, look, or style... As a guy, I always wonder if she probably needs to work on her mind, body and soul first, before attempting to continue...
It doesn't matter if you are BBW, or a toothpick, or long hair, or short. At this point in life, its *you*, and you should be PROUD of that!
We aren't teenagers anymore, and honestly, we all should have moved past the silly games you are suggesting that he is playing.
 
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BallStateMom is offline BallStateMom Post #5  January 18,2008, 9:47am
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Wow! Thanks for the kick in the butt. I really do need an attitude adjustment. I am proud of myself, but , as much as I miss having a close relationship with a man, I am scared, because it's been a long time since I have done this. Thanks for your honest thoughts which put things back in perspective for me.
 
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DianaInHouston is offline DianaInHouston Post #6  January 19,2008, 9:04am
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has a SECOND new ring from Motorcycle Boy!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I understand where you are coming from, BallStateMom! The questionair was intense and now we are expected to put our last personal piece of information (our bodies) out there to be judged. Personally, I hated that part but what would be harder is meeting someone and THEN find out that they are not physically attracted to you!

As for your match, maybe his picture is still being reviewed? I think it takes a day or so for it to go live.
 
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rezzy is offline rezzy Post #7  January 23,2008, 5:14pm
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I completely understand not wanting to post a picture or to restrict viewing in some way, and it doesn't necessarily have anything at all to do with self-acceptance. But pictures do create a personal connection, so anyone without pictures should just go in knowing there will fewer responses. And that's fine, too. I think the pictures aren't so much about the body as the facial expression, the eyes, etc. But maybe that's too naive but that's what I look at anyway. Mostly.

You're probably lucky not to have much to do with the guy. If he gave you a nudge without being willing (or able) to send his own pic, then the best you can say about him is that he doesn't have a sense of fair play.

I didn't have a picture at first--just didn't have one. And got dropped for that reason by guys with no pictures themselves. Good riddance. And after I posted a picture with the restriction that it would show up at a later stage in communication, I got another drop for not having pictures. Now, if a guy doesn't actually read the profile that can't be a very good match, so no loss there, either.

These guys are in the minority. Most have been just fine so far.
 
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SummerBlondy is offline SummerBlondy Post #8  January 24,2008, 9:51am
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Why don't you do this? Make your photo available to the match -- only if THEY have a photo posted. Then, you have a safety net. You aren't revealing yourself unless he does so as well!
 
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