Should guided communication be abolished?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  April 20,2011, 9:44am
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

I am starting to question whether it is worth participating in guided communication, because it seems to me that some to many people are not utilizing GC for it's true intent. It should not be used to as a means to delay communication, IMO. It should be used to share some information with someone as well as gain a lil familiarity with someone before reaching to open communication.

I am really trying to figure out people who will zip through stages one through 3, but will suddenly stop right before stage 4 or stall at stage 3? Why are people practicing delayed response communication? How does that help two people become better acquainted and get to the meet/greet/date stages? Can someone please explain this phenomenon to me?

B.Y.

B.Y.
Last edited by BabyYoda; April 20,2011 at 11:49am. Reason: I need to work on editing before pressing the green button lol
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  April 20,2011, 10:30am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,429

See profile

When its used as an honest attempt to glean more info about the match..I really don't have a problem with it.
But when it's used to delay meeting someone, or as an overall delay mechanism/tool because the person simply can't make up their mind, then, well...it blows.

The trick is deciphering which is which before you've been lured into pen pal hell/purgatory.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #3  April 20,2011, 10:32am
Harryoss's Avatar

chooses his words carefully. (Most of the time!)

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Los Angeles, CA (SF Valley)

Posts: 1,176

See profile

I don't think it should. It's what sets eHarmony apart from the other sites, and it's something I appreciated about it when I was a subscriber. Sending those first questions for a "this is me checking to see if you're interested before I actually invest time in you" was one of the few things I liked about eHarmony as a whole.

With that said, I think step 2 of the GC process ABSOLUTELY has to go. There's no point to it. Turn it into a new tab of someone's profile if you ask me; Something that can be viewed at any time, much like any other field of the profile... It's the only step that is both meaningless and serves no purpose other than to delay the whole process.

And hey, look at the bright side... If you remove step 2, you'll go down to 3 steps total, and your marketing department will have a field day with "Meet your perfect match! It's as easy as 1, 2, 3!" (or did they already do that with the current GC?)
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #4  April 20,2011, 10:56am
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,394

See profile

Great question, BY. As some others have said already, this is part of EH's marketing strategy, and since you cannot search for your own matches on EH, I don't think it would help to do away with GC completely. Even if you could only go to open emails right away, you are still limited to communicating with whoever EH deems is "compatible".

That said, I understand your frustration with the "delay tactics" seen with many EH users. Are you interested, or not? Steps 1&2 are easy, one click functions. Step 3 requires thought, and that's where I see a lot of things stall out.

Part of this problem is that people feel that they "should" communicate with all of their matches (whether they do or not is another issue) because EH has determined that they are "compatible" on some mysterious 29 dimensions. So, interested or not, they send out the questions, just hoping for some signs of intelligent life in the universe. I just did this today, after barely glancing at the profiles. Why get invested with someone who may not even "exist"? Or respond?

Then, when some of these matches reply, people say "Oh, darn. I didn't really want to hear from that match..." So, the GC process stalls out while people consider their interest level, what else might be going on with other matches, microanalyzing the responses from the first stages... And on and on, until the process grinds to a halt.

Add in the non-serious time wasters, the people who have no idea what they are doing, the people who really have no business being on a dating site (not single, not ready, not whatever), the people who get scared when they think they might have to actually meet someone in person...

I don't know if abolishing GC is the best solution, but the current system certainly doesn't work as effectively as it should.

Here's a thought: Why do I have to nudge my own matches? Why can't EH send out reminders to matches: "You have unread emails/requests for communication" ? I have a profile on another site (not currently active) where they email me reminders periodically.
 
  Reply With Quote
Xable is offline Xable Post #5  April 20,2011, 10:56am
Xable's Avatar

gives up.

Virtuoso

Joined: Mar 2010

Texas

Posts: 2,607

See profile

Well, I think GC is the one redeeming feature eH has.

I like the concept behind stage 2 but the execution is wrong. I think it would be much improved if we could write in our own MH/CS and/or edit the MH/CS that are there so we can explain what *we* mean when we picked it.

The reason GC goes fast and OC doesn't is because you can autopilot through GC but in OC you actually have to think and come up with something to say on your own.
 
  Reply With Quote
MamaSooz is offline MamaSooz Post #6  April 20,2011, 11:18am
MamaSooz's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2011

Tempe, Arizona

Posts: 13

See profile

Perhaps because I'm coming from a different perspective than many others (married 25 years; widowed), I like the guided communication. A person's profile isn't enough information for me to begin a personal relationship. One of my matches, who on the surface looked like a possibility, completely "failed" my questions. Marked him right off the list!
I wish, however, that people were more considerate in responding promptly rather than making the match sit around waiting for weeks for a reply.[/COLOR][/COLOR]
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  April 20,2011, 11:37am
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,394

See profile

MamaSooz wrote :
Perhaps because I'm coming from a different perspective than many others (married 25 years; widowed), I like the guided communication. A person's profile isn't enough information for me to begin a personal relationship. One of my matches, who on the surface looked like a possibility, completely "failed" my questions. Marked him right off the list!
I wish, however, that people were more considerate in responding promptly rather than making the match sit around waiting for weeks for a reply.
Reading a person's profile is not how you "begin a personal relationship". That only comes after the first in person meeting. All the profile (or GC) does is give you a point of reference, just like if you were meeting someone in a bar, and asking "So, what do you do for work? For fun?"
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #8  April 20,2011, 11:54am
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
When its used as an honest attempt to glean more info about the match..I really don't have a problem with it.
But when it's used to delay meeting someone, or as an overall delay mechanism/tool because the person simply can't make up their mind, then, well...it blows.

The trick is deciphering which is which before you've been lured into pen pal hell/purgatory.
I agree. I honestly don't mind the GC process. I think it could be fun to learn about what is important to someone and receive a general overview of how a person is before going to the email stage.

But, I am seriously confused as to how someone can have the time to go through stages one and two, but stage three is a struggle? Maybe even go through stage three but don't cross over to OC stage? What is even more puzzling is when they initiate communication with you. So, all of a sudden a person is "busy" and can't invest 5 mins to go through safety tips and send maybe two or three sentences saying hi and maybe asking a couple of questions?

If a person is uncertain about someone, then I can understand, however shouldn't that be addressed BEFORE sending a request or responding to a request? lol

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #9  April 20,2011, 11:56am
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

Harryoss wrote :
I don't think it should. It's what sets eHarmony apart from the other sites, and it's something I appreciated about it when I was a subscriber. Sending those first questions for a "this is me checking to see if you're interested before I actually invest time in you" was one of the few things I liked about eHarmony as a whole.

With that said, I think step 2 of the GC process ABSOLUTELY has to go. There's no point to it. Turn it into a new tab of someone's profile if you ask me; Something that can be viewed at any time, much like any other field of the profile... It's the only step that is both meaningless and serves no purpose other than to delay the whole process.

And hey, look at the bright side... If you remove step 2, you'll go down to 3 steps total, and your marketing department will have a field day with "Meet your perfect match! It's as easy as 1, 2, 3!" (or did they already do that with the current GC?)

Great points! Either get rid of stage 2 or stage 3 and I would be more satisfied.

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #10  April 20,2011, 12:06pm
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

mitchell175 wrote :
Great question, BY. As some others have said already, this is part of EH's marketing strategy, and since you cannot search for your own matches on EH, I don't think it would help to do away with GC completely. Even if you could only go to open emails right away, you are still limited to communicating with whoever EH deems is "compatible".
Interesting point. I can see where GC may be an advantage.

wrote :
That said, I understand your frustration with the "delay tactics" seen with many EH users. Are you interested, or not? Steps 1&2 are easy, one click functions. Step 3 requires thought, and that's where I see a lot of things stall out.
But, this is where I go..! LOL How much "thought" does it take to answer three questions? I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't "think"? lol Shoot, I have answered questions on my smart phone while working(I drive semi tractors and answered questions with big fingers/hands while idle.). If I can do it, then what is everyone else's excuse? Do people really put that much emphasis on what one writes in his/her own answers or what someone else writes in his/her answers?

wrote :
Part of this problem is that people feel that they "should" communicate with all of their matches (whether they do or not is another issue) because EH has determined that they are "compatible" on some mysterious 29 dimensions. So, interested or not, they send out the questions, just hoping for some signs of intelligent life in the universe. I just did this today, after barely glancing at the profiles. Why get invested with someone who may not even "exist"? Or respond?
I understand, but what happens if someone does respond and you respond back, then you go through the various stages until you've reached OC. What is so scary about actually emailing people? Isn't the goal to meet people and date people?

wrote :
Then, when some of these matches reply, people say "Oh, darn. I didn't really want to hear from that match..." So, the GC process stalls out while people consider their interest level, what else might be going on with other matches, microanalyzing the responses from the first stages... And on and on, until the process grinds to a halt.
Well, I fault the person who feels this way about a match. They need to close rather than "stall". Stalling is rude and said person is really wasting his/her own time to be quite honest. Nevermind wasting the other person's time. lol

wrote :
Add in the non-serious time wasters, the people who have no idea what they are doing, the people who really have no business being on a dating site (not single, not ready, not whatever), the people who get scared when they think they might have to actually meet someone in person...
Oh yeah, you are spot on about this!!!..lol

wrote :
I don't know if abolishing GC is the best solution, but the current system certainly doesn't work as effectively as it should.
Do you have any suggestions as to improve the GC process or eH matching system and communication methods in general?

wrote :
Here's a thought: Why do I have to nudge my own matches? Why can't EH send out reminders to matches: "You have unread emails/requests for communication" ? I have a profile on another site (not currently active) where they email me reminders periodically.
Great questions! I hope the eH Customer Care is reading this thread. It has become a concern for a few of us.

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Not sure if it's worth it for someone like me to join... | Using eHarmony | Profile Review 22/M »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Poofing at guided communication again CathyAnnCD Using eHarmony 16 May 12,2011 6:00pm
Just finished guided communication, so what now... Lanyru Using eHarmony 3 February 6,2011 5:01pm
How do I go back to Guided Communication with someone? Pyrrho Using eHarmony 4 November 13,2010 7:38pm
Direct email or guided communication afriendly Using eHarmony 3 July 13,2010 3:56am
Skipping Guided Communication bobati Using eHarmony 9 May 17,2010 6:18pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Where's the other boot?” –  Breezy1

Join the “She stared at my feet. Is this normal?” discussion

“Exit interviews are highly recommended in many dating books and in other life strategy books. They are very effective. I think he would answer honestly to the some point. I know that is horrible and ... ” –  biking_girl

Join the “Exit interview after unsuccessful date” discussion

“And I'd also add that while a successful stable job down the road and a solid income is helpful in attracting a woman, it's no guarantee that finding love will be easy for you. I know plenty of men ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“I think if someone says they can't meet you for weeks, they are lukewarm interested. Even if he were truly busy with a project, he'd be able to drop you an email or a text here and there. I took ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Did he poof?” discussion

“ Yes, illegal aliens aren't treated as illegals. lol OP, trust your gut. A few months ago, I met a guy on match, who said his membership was expiring, and gave me his IM so we could chat. I ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“Stop humping my leg.” –  Breezy1

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion

“I thought this thread was about exercise. Positive OP though...nice to see.” –  Breezy1

Join the “It's a matter of fit” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:41pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0