Brneyedgrl66 is offline Brneyedgrl66 Post #1  June 21,2008, 4:17am
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I have been debating with another member over how people feel when there is no picture posted in a profile..


He says, "The main reason why I don't have a picture posted is that most people make judgements without getting to know who a person is and what they are about. I'm sure you wouldn't be embarrased in public with me (ok, maybe the third eye - but this just allows me to see and appreciate you better )but I'm interested in what is inside a person first."


I said, "I have to say that your reason(s) for not having a picture with your profile is/are lame. If someone pre-judges you in a negative way, based on your appearance, why would you want anything to do with them anyway?? The irony of that choice, is that you are more likely to chase off a lot of nice women due to a perceived lack of openness and deceptive nature on your part (not to mention other issues like insecurity and low self-confidence)."


What do y'all think? How do you react to a match without a picture?
 
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bluegrass is offline bluegrass Post #2  June 21,2008, 4:29am
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I think you're right or thinking as the way most people think. I however, always tried not to look at a picture because it does allow us to form an opinion - and I think I'm one of the most non judgemental people around. It's just natural to form that first impression. If I read a guys profile that really appeals to me - I don't care if he's got a photo or not. That being said - there's physical chemistry or there's not and eventually you have to see each other to see if "it's" there.


Years ago, I talked with this guy on the phone and really enjoyed our conversations. Finally met him for this blind date and the phyical connection was not there! He wore gold chains, greasy hair, etc. Not my type and I knew I couldn't go there.


I'm a heavier woman and personally I prefer to just get that out on the table. Many men have issues with a woman not being 120 lbs. So, I prefer to put a picture on my profile as well as mention that in the beginning.


I guess I'm trying to say, I like seeing a photo.... but it's fine if there isn't one there. Sooner or later though, you gotta "see" one another! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif[/img]
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #3  June 21,2008, 4:31am
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I've had one match who had no photos posted, and his profile referred to a physical "condition". His profile was interesting, humorous, and very frank about wanting someone to look beyond his appearance. In fact, photo or not, it was probably the best profile I've read in the six months I've been on eH.





I went ahead and sent the first questions. He posted some pics (I think the photos are available on a match-by-match basis), and actually he's pretty good-looking, despite the physical difference. We're in open communication now, and I'm hoping for a meeting soon.





Short answer: It depends on what else is in the profile. If his answers to the profile questions had been skimpy, dull, or trite, he'd have been closed immediately, no question. But intelligence and wit trump appearance, so a photo wouldn't have mattered.
 
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bluegrass is offline bluegrass Post #4  June 21,2008, 4:41am
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Spider - Good luck with that match! That's exactly the point I was trying to make, but you explained it much more clearly with your example. People are so much more than a picture. I like that "match by match" option. They get to see you, but don't form an instant judgement based on some photo.
 
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LawyerDan is offline LawyerDan Post #5  June 21,2008, 4:53am
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You form an instant judgment about the profile too so what is the difference. If you are truly looking for the whole package in a person, looks is important. If they are hiding their looks then theres a good chance that their reason is "I am so good looking I want you to know the inner me first." It is probably the other way around.Whatisworse then you finding someone not attractive is that they do not find themselves attractive- no confidence = turn off.


Those without a photo gets a request photo from me and a place on the hold list only if they caught my eye in the profile. No photo and not a catchy profile and they are done.


We prejudge both the photos and the profile so I would much rather have both to do my prejudging so that I can make a more informed decision. If one is lacking then it decreases their chances of me making a fair assessment.


One last thing "STOP HIDING AND SHOW YOURESELVES" Love who you are or why should you expect someone else to?
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #6  June 21,2008, 5:18am

It's almost time folks.....

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I'm with Dan - let's put it this way, I wouldn't go out on a blind date with someone who my friends were trying to hook me up with if I'd never seen his photo. Neither would I go on a first date with someone who insisted on wearing a bag over his head because he "wants me to get to know him for what's inside" before I see him properly.
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #7  June 21,2008, 5:22am

It's almost time folks.....

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Oh & I'm even more "harsh" than Dan - no photo, I don't even read the profile. Not because I'm shallow, but because I've spent months dealing with this in different ways & realized that the best way is to close them out - I find if they are real members with a serious interest in pursuing me that they will quickly ask me to reconsider by saying "my photos are now posted". Works for me now. I'll say it again - there's no correlation between great profile/great chemistry online and on phone and feeling you're really into them when you meet them in person. I'm not going to waste months "getting to know someone" before seeing/meeting them, only to find this out.
 
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LawyerDan is offline LawyerDan Post #8  June 21,2008, 6:10am
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Red Sox Girl,146816 wrote :

Oh & I'm even more "harsh" than Dan - no photo, I don't even read the profile. Not because I'm shallow, but because I've spent months dealing with this in different ways & realized that the best way is to close them out - I find if they are real members with a serious interest in pursuing me that they will quickly ask me to reconsider by saying "my photos are now posted". Works for me now. I'll say it again - there's no correlation between great profile/great chemistry online and on phone and feeling you're really into them when you meet them in person. I'm not going to waste months "getting to know someone" before seeing/meeting them, only to find this out.
Harsher then me? wow no easy feat. I have only been on here for maybe two weeks so I am not yet scorned. I do have many people on hold that have no photos but have some similiar interests.


PS ok fine no more auto close for fenway games
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #9  June 21,2008, 6:47am

It's almost time folks.....

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LawyerDan,146834 wrote :

Red Sox Girl,146816 wrote :


Oh & I'm even more "harsh" than Dan - no photo, I don't even read the profile. Not because I'm shallow, but because I've spent months dealing with this in different ways & realized that the best way is to close them out - I find if they are real members with a serious interest in pursuing me that they will quickly ask me to reconsider by saying "my photos are now posted". Works for me now. I'll say it again - there's no correlation between great profile/great chemistry online and on phone and feeling you're really into them when you meet them in person. I'm not going to waste months "getting to know someone" before seeing/meeting them, only to find this out.


Harsher then me? wow no easy feat. I have only been on here for maybe two weeks so I am not yet scorned. I do have many people on hold that have no photos but have some similiar interests.


PS ok fine no more auto close for fenway games
 
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Dannan is offline Dannan Post #10  June 21,2008, 7:52am
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LawyerDan,146805 wrote :

You form an instant judgment about the profile too so what is the difference. If you are truly looking for the whole package in a person, looks is important. If they are hiding their looks then theres a good chance that their reason is "I am so good looking I want you to know the inner me first." It is probably the other way around.Whatisworse then you finding someone not attractive is that they do not find themselves attractive- no confidence = turn off.


Those without a photo gets a request photo from me and a place on the hold list only if they caught my eye in the profile. No photo and not a catchy profile and they are done.


We prejudge both the photos and the profile so I would much rather have both to do my prejudging so that I can make a more informed decision. If one is lacking then it decreases their chances of me making a fair assessment.


One last thing "STOP HIDING AND SHOW YOURESELVES" Love who you are or why should you expect someone else to?
I agree with you, LawyerDan. Although the profile itself is arguably the most important part of the "package", if someone I've requested a photo of doesn't respond to that request within a week, I'll either Hold or Close the match, depending upon my level of interest.


It's very important (to me) that there be at leastthe potential for physical chemistry between us and I'd like to get a clue about that right from the get-go, rather than possibly waste valuable time and energy going through manyorall the communication steps only to discover later that there was never a possibility that the match would go anywhere. I also tend to feel somewhat suspicious of a person who won't post a photo, as it makes me wonder why the person is hiding his appearance.


Dannan
 
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