mariane38 is offline mariane38 Post #1  March 9,2011, 5:15pm
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Hi, i am pretty new to Eharmony and to the Board . I have been matched with a man and really like his profile. He's the one who sent me first an Icebreaker " i like your smile" so i have answerd and sent him the First Questions , he answered within 2 days . Then he sent his question and i answered . Everything went pretty fast until the 2nd questions . He took him 10 days to answer . I sent an icebreaker and then he answered something like sorry i have been busy with work . 5 days ago i sent him my questions and still no answer . So i would like to get your point of view since he's the first one who sent me an icebreaker . Do you think that he's doing that cause he has no interest in me ?? should i close him ? I really don't get a lot of matches everyday and sometimes none and i really like his profile ....
 
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sr71blackbird is offline sr71blackbird Post #2  March 9,2011, 6:06pm
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I'm pretty patient with responses and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt for a while, especially if I really like their profile/communications. Sometimes there is actually a good reason why people have the delay, but more often it is disinterest or other match priorities.

Most people in the board seem to like about a one week response time but in my personal experience, most will keep you open for 2 weeks or more. It all about your preference.

That being said, I would start to get concerned since you have had 2 fairly substantial long lag times in your responses.
 
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asus20008 is offline asus20008 Post #3  March 9,2011, 7:57pm
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here's the honest truth: if a guy is really into you, he will do what it takes to pursue you, even if he's "really busy" with work. i should know: i am in full time school, work 2 jobs, and have an unpaid internship. this means i'm pulling 16 hour days, easy. but you know what? when someone catches my attention on here, i'm logging in at 2am before i fall asleep to see if they replied to me. because if you really like someone, you do what it takes. so i would say he probably has some interest, but not a strong interest. i would also advise NOT initiating any more. sometimes being silent and letting peopel do their own thing will bring them back around faster than chasing them. so just lay low, focus on your other matches, or on yourself right now, and if he comes back around, great. if not, oh well!

good luck!
 
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eck82 is offline eck82 Post #4  March 9,2011, 9:28pm
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If he didn't close you and is still responding I'd say it's still moving forward (albeit slowly).

For myself, sometimes I don't respond back to people in a long time, either because I'm busy or preoccupied with other things or, I'm not in the right frame of mind to write back a good response (which I think they deserve), but other times I'll be on the ball and just writing and writing, and everything flowing smoothly.

On the whole, I don't consider email or online contact high priority... and even when my aunt writes me a good message, I sometimes take over a month (or months) to reply back via email. So slow, I know! It's not that I like her any less or don't have interest in her, it's just that for me, for high speed and priority definitely have to go face to face contact or at least the phone...if she called me or we meet up, instead of email, I'd respond on the spot happily.

There's also a "trick" I think I accidentally found out when using eHarmony, if you close a match and reopen them you might show up as a new match or pop back up at the top...just incase they forgot about you...I'm guessing this is what happens because I closed some of my matches for a little while, reopened them and noticed they viewed my profile again...and probably wondering why I'm "new" ha!
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  March 10,2011, 12:46am
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Am I correct in thinking he is still within the GC stage of questions? and not in the Email stage which you reach after G.C.?

or are you now in the email stage?

and have you allowed for the possibility people go on holiday for 2 weeks? or end up in hospital or other unscheduled events?
 
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Rustman is offline Rustman Post #6  March 10,2011, 1:00am
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asus20008 wrote :
here's the honest truth: if a guy is really into you, he will do what it takes to pursue you, even if he's "really busy" with work. i should know: i am in full time school, work 2 jobs, and have an unpaid internship. this means i'm pulling 16 hour days, easy. but you know what? when someone catches my attention on here, i'm logging in at 2am before i fall asleep to see if they replied to me. because if you really like someone, you do what it takes. so i would say he probably has some interest, but not a strong interest. i would also advise NOT initiating any more. sometimes being silent and letting peopel do their own thing will bring them back around faster than chasing them. so just lay low, focus on your other matches, or on yourself right now, and if he comes back around, great. if not, oh well!

good luck!
That's great, but I disagree. My job sometimes requires me to be places that don't have Internet access for days or weeks at a time. Just because I'm not responding doesn't mean I don't care enough to "do what it takes".
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  March 10,2011, 9:53am
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A lot of people slow down in the 2nd questions phase -- it takes more work and time to do them well and thoughtfully; things are getting more "real" since a lot of matches never get that far; the in-person meet is beginning to look like it might happen. And, all the usual -- life, emergencies, dating or interacting with other people.

No reason to close him. Since you like him, leave it open. Hopefully he'll resume someday soon. Meanwhile, though, keep paying attention to your other matches. Good luck!
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #8  March 10,2011, 10:52am
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I agree with the others that his slow/no response indicates low interest. However, I am no longer so quick to close. I just leave them open.

If one of these guys ever made it to a real live F2F meet, I would definitely remember his interest level, and let that be my guide. There's a chance we could meet in person and really hit it off. There's also a chance that we wouldn't.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  March 10,2011, 11:48am
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Things happen, people do lose interest. But, people also have a real life to live. Kids, families, friends, work, planned vacations, etc. It's hard to convey some of this to a match in GC. It would be nice if eH allowed for a "I'm in the middle of a HUGE project at work" (or something similar) kind of Ice Breaker as well as all the sweet, cutsie ones.
 
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BBLAW is offline BBLAW Post #10  March 10,2011, 12:03pm
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asus20008 wrote :
you know what? when someone catches my attention on here, i'm logging in at 2am before i fall asleep to see if they replied to me. because if you really like someone, you do what it takes. so i would say he probably has some interest, but not a strong interest.

This.

I suppose there's always a chance he's in a spot where he doesn't have internet, or is in the middle of a project where he can't break away.

On the other hand, you're just a match with each other at this point on eH. There's no commitments. I know it's tough to wait, sometimes very tough, but who knows, maybe he will wind up being your Mr. Right. You wouldn't want to throw that away on a bad hunch. I'd say leave it open and just communicate with other matches for the moment, and if something happens later, great. If not, you haven't lost anything.
 
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