curlycutie is offline curlycutie Post #1  February 10,2011, 8:41pm
curlycutie's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2011

Posts: 2

See profile

So I'm pretty new. Actually pretty much brand new. And I've gotten to OC with a guy who is pretty cool and compatible with me, someone I could definitely see myself getting to know in person. I initiated the GC by the way. So we're exchanging emails multiple times a day and stuff, and things are going swimmingly. He even made me his Facebook friend! But now the emails are tapering off, and so I don't know if that means waning interest, waning conversation or something else. How do you know when he's losing interest in YOU or just lost for conversation topics?

And yeah, I've been waiting for him to ask me for my number or mention meeting, so perhaps I should do something about that. How do you girls initiate a FTF anyway? Or how would the guys like you to do it?
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  February 10,2011, 10:04pm
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,085

See profile

Hi curlycutie!

I wouldn't try to figure out what he's thinking. Instead I would either ask him out "Hey I think it's time for us to meet!" and offer a specific idea/time/place (e.g. coffee, starbuck, sunday at 3 or whatever you would like to do) -- or I would just say "I've enjoyed emailing a lot but I think we should meet ... what do you think?" if you want to leave it up to him.

Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
cjj is offline cjj Post #3  February 11,2011, 12:27am
cjj's Avatar

"The dude abides."

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2008

Chicago

Posts: 29

See profile

male perspective:

I concur. I think I speak for most guys when I say that I didn't join eH to get a pen-pal. If you prefer the "take charge" type then, as is stated above, say you wanna meet and leave it open-ended. If that's not important to you, then YOU put on your "take charge" pants and make it happen, cap'n. Personally I dig a girl who'll ignore social convention and be a little more assertive in that department.

Either way, best of luck.
Last edited by cjj; February 11,2011 at 12:27am. Reason: typo.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  February 11,2011, 4:23am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

Finish your next e-mail with "looking forward to meeting you soon." and let him take the bait. If he does not respond with something constructive about meeting or ignores your comment, then you have yourself a pen pal and it's time to move on.
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  February 11,2011, 4:56am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,429

See profile

curlycutie wrote :
So I'm pretty new. Actually pretty much brand new. And I've gotten to OC with a guy who is pretty cool and compatible with me, someone I could definitely see myself getting to know in person. I initiated the GC by the way. So we're exchanging emails multiple times a day and stuff, and things are going swimmingly. He even made me his Facebook friend!
Lucky you.
I suggest you never do that.
You're new to this..but, you should learn this right away, before you put yourself through any more grief.

wrote :
But now the emails are tapering off, and so I don't know if that means waning interest, waning conversation or something else. How do you know when he's losing interest in YOU or just lost for conversation topics?
When he makes you his facebook friend and doesn't ask you out. That's the first clue.

wrote :
And yeah, I've been waiting for him to ask me for my number or mention meeting, so perhaps I should do something about that. How do you girls initiate a FTF anyway? Or how would the guys like you to do it?
The real guys would have asked by now...that's how men show interest.
What they don't do is barrage your email inbox or "friend you" on FB.
You could always ask, I suppose...just don't hold your breath.

I do hope you are talking to other matches that are more pro active.
Last edited by TheThinker; February 11,2011 at 4:59am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  February 11,2011, 9:03am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,085

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
--snip

The real guys would have asked by now...that's how men show interest.
What they don't do is barrage your email inbox or "friend you" on FB.
You could always ask, I suppose...just don't hold your breath.

I do hope you are talking to other matches that are more pro active.
I sort of agree with this, except ... he may be new to online dating also, and it can take a little getting used to. And, there are people, male and female, who really prefer a lot of emails before meeting.

"What to do, what to say" -- act like yourself, say what's on your mind. By behaving like yourself, you have the best chance of finding someone who's a good match for you. If you're ready to meet, try to make that happen. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  February 11,2011, 9:21am
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,394

See profile

I agree with The Thinker. Facebook gives a false sense of "knowing" someone because you see their posts everyday and can interact with them and converse with them, almost as if you're talking F2F.

I know, because I fell victim to that last year, and ended up in a sort of weird, pseudo-non-relationship, all because of Facebook.

I will not make that mistake again.
 
  Reply With Quote
BBLAW is offline BBLAW Post #8  February 11,2011, 10:41am
BBLAW's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Feb 2009

Florida

Posts: 225

See profile

Sassafras54 wrote :
I sort of agree with this, except ... he may be new to online dating also, and it can take a little getting used to. And, there are people, male and female, who really prefer a lot of emails before meeting.
Yeah, actually, not all of us rush headlong into it looking to ask her out within the first communication or two.

I will tell you something candidly. I hate talking on the phone. With someone I do not know well, I prefer writing, because I express myself infinitely better that way. Maybe it's a confidence issue, maybe I just suck as a lawyer, but I would trip over my feet in a courtroom. Maybe the OP's guy just likes to communicate in writing better.

I never could work up the nerve to ask a girl out on a date in school, but I could write stories, and a number of times writing things about someone I liked, or drawing sketches saved me from lonely weekends. I once gave a friend of mine a story about her that I wrote for her graduation from paralegal school and she about melted when she read it. That turned into one of the greatest love-hate affairs of all time, in the Moonlighting tradition. But I digress...

So...I know I communicate my thoughts and feelings a lot better in writing, and it's strictly preference that I like doing it that way. It doesn't have anything to do with being a "real man" or not. At least I hope it doesn't. What's wrong with the art of communication anyway? I think most women kind of like to be listened to, don't they? At least, that's what they claim.
Last edited by BBLAW; February 11,2011 at 10:45am.
 
  Reply With Quote
keresenzia is offline keresenzia Post #9  February 11,2011, 4:42pm
keresenzia's Avatar

it is what it is... nothing more nothing less...

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2011

ON

Posts: 80

See profile

For next time, never add each other to FB! Actually I would never have my longtime boyfriend on facebook - in case you hadn't heard, facebook ends relationships... Facebook is detrimental to knowing a person...
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  February 11,2011, 6:26pm
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,429

See profile

BBLAW wrote :

Maybe the OP's guy just likes to communicate in writing better.
The trouble here, is the OP is not getting the communication she had..it's tapering off..what we know is that the constant emails..facebook "friending" nonsense, etc.. has not helped her to meet this guy.
This is nothing new either, and it's a common mistake by people new to this...and this sort of situation the OP describes is exactly what happens when you do this.
It's a rookie mistake...
I know..I did this myself.
When you invest time in someone who has shown no intention of meeting, you waste time that could best be spent with someone who wants to meet.
And yes, that's what serious daters do...they want to meet.


wrote :
What's wrong with the art of communication anyway? I think most women kind of like to be listened to, don't they? At least, that's what they claim.
Save the listening for a FTF dinner...that's what it's for.
No one "listens" to one another on Facebook.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« eH and Facebook? | Using eHarmony | Clicking a match is not bringing up the profile »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Where's the other boot?” –  Breezy1

Join the “She stared at my feet. Is this normal?” discussion

“Exit interviews are highly recommended in many dating books and in other life strategy books. They are very effective. I think he would answer honestly to the some point. I know that is horrible and ... ” –  biking_girl

Join the “Exit interview after unsuccessful date” discussion

“And I'd also add that while a successful stable job down the road and a solid income is helpful in attracting a woman, it's no guarantee that finding love will be easy for you. I know plenty of men ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“I think if someone says they can't meet you for weeks, they are lukewarm interested. Even if he were truly busy with a project, he'd be able to drop you an email or a text here and there. I took ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Did he poof?” discussion

“ Yes, illegal aliens aren't treated as illegals. lol OP, trust your gut. A few months ago, I met a guy on match, who said his membership was expiring, and gave me his IM so we could chat. I ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“Stop humping my leg.” –  Breezy1

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion

“I thought this thread was about exercise. Positive OP though...nice to see.” –  Breezy1

Join the “It's a matter of fit” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:37pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0