close, ignore, or communicate?


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dmi is online now dmi Post #21  February 2,2011, 7:55am
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travelchic1913 wrote :
I don't know what area/demographic you guys are in but I suspect it's different from mine. In my area/demographic, based on feedback I've gotten from the matches that I'm talking to, I don't think people (men or women) are getting boatloads of 'dateable' matches. I don't think most of my 'target demographic' has hundreds of matches to sifft through in order to get to my profile but I could be wrong... I only get about 6-7 a day and from those I usally only leave 1-2 open b/c the rest are wildly inappropriate.
I'm near a large east coast city, target range is age 32-44. I'd say about 1/3 of my matches are of no interest to me, 1/3 of potential intersts, 1/6 are incomplete profiles, 1/6 of significant interest.

When I first started at eH, I would close all but the ones of significant interest. Some pretty silly reasons too. So, yeah, the really good profiles are somewhat sparse. But, not so much with the matches.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #22  February 2,2011, 8:35am
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charmed59 wrote :
And those kissable guys, they have lots of girls smiling at them from across the room. Which means they might not get to you immediately, or even notice you if you don't send out those first questions.
This is a good analogy, but then it also says that we should concentrate on the unkissable guys just because there's less competition. Dating by default. I think that is what TravelChic is trying to get away from.

Back to the OP - when I started on EH I went about things pretty much the same way. Being completely new to this online dating thing, I thought I'd wait for the guys to contact me. Instead, I ended up mostly in communication with guys I really wasn't interested in, and was hoping it wouldn't get to the stage of a first date/first meet. That's not a great way to go about things, and not fair to the other person either.

Then, I started to contact anyone who interested me, and yeah, I got closed a few times. It stung at first, but then I thought "So what?" and kept doing what I was doing.

Late Bloomer, one thing I would suggest is to check your expectations at the door. I came into this with high expectations, but all that did was lead to disappointment. Some people on these boards will tell you they have dozens of dates lined up every month, but more people will tell you they haven't had that kind of success. Best of luck to you!
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #23  February 2,2011, 9:21am
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travelchic1913 wrote :
I'm new to eHarmony also and I had the same issue. I close them immediately if I don't think we would work in a relationship (for whatever reason). Unfortunately, the quality of my matches are so bad that means that I'm closing like 95% of my matches each day... Sometimes more than that...

If I'm undecided, I leave them open for a day or two to see if they initiate. If they don't I close.

If I like them I leave them open longer to see if they initiate or close me. I haven't initiated anything with anyone yet. I don't like making the first move (whether online or IRL).

I just wish I got better matches.... I'm trying to be open but if you look like a weirdo or I can't even picture us having a first kiss then I close immediately. I'm 5'8 so I also close a lot of them because of height... I wear heels so if you're 5'6 it's never gonna work.
I think I need to caution you here. Most photos are just a guide.

And if you think someone is "hot" - just wait till you meet them before being sure about that. Photos 5, 10 or more years old are often used.

You're filtering like mad down to get rid of all but 1 in 20 profiles just based on the photo? I just wouldn't do that. If there are some that are "borderline" I wouldn't close them. I've found the borderline ones in person are "hotter" than the ones who looked "hot".

I'm not exaggerating. I've seen a lot of photos that have been used on dating sites for 5 years at least.
 
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late_bloomer is offline late_bloomer Post #24  February 2,2011, 2:14pm
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Thanks for the advice everyone.

If anyone else has any more suggestions/tips keep them coming. I'm very new to this!
 
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SkinsGiants_fan is offline SkinsGiants_fan Post #25  February 2,2011, 3:06pm
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late_bloomer wrote :
I've got a few matches that have requested communication. They all seem like nice guys, but there's just something about them that makes me think they're not the match for me. I haven't responded to their requests yet, and I feel a little guilty about it. (I know I probably shouldn't, it's not like I even know them...)
travelchic1913 wrote :
I'm new to eHarmony also and I had the same issue. I close them immediately if I don't think we would work in a relationship (for whatever reason). Unfortunately, the quality of my matches are so bad that means that I'm closing like 95% of my matches each day... Sometimes more than that...
Welcome to eHA!

I firmly believe that there's a lot of "beginner's luck" when you join eHA. You get a lot of initial interest, and so the newbies get picky on the assumption that the gravy train will last. But over time, those newbies start getting more and more profiles from the nonpaying members, and it's harder to get communications going, and the success rate goes down.

If my theory is true, then I wouldn't be too quick to discard matches just because they don't look kissable in their photos. Especially since so many guys post really bad photos. Of course, if they are posting photos that clearly show they are very far afield of what you consider attractive, by all means, close them. But if you are on the fence, then definitely communicate. You can always decide you are not interested at any later stage of communication, even after talking in OC. Just let them know, rather than poofing!
 
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