Is this an arrogant introduction? Vanity or Honesty?


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mansviewpoint is offline mansviewpoint Post #1  January 30,2011, 10:03am
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I am just wondering what most people think about this. I have noticed more and more that women are saying things like this in their supposed to be ONE thing they are looking most for in someone, so here is the example.

"There are very many things that are important to me, like ambition, humor, and confidence. Someone that is motivated, is very successful, can make others laugh, and is very attractive.."

Now, don't get me wrong, I know men are notorious for going to the photos, and the good ones overstep the primal brain and READ the profile to see the inner person which suddenly can make the person more attractive. (If you are a great guy or person for that matter, you know what I mean) Anyway, to me personally this person seems very superficial because of two items:

"very successful"
"very attractive"

To understand my question you'll need to read further... I have NEVER had a problem with self confidence, and consider myself to fit within these descriptions very well. So I am posting this because I am just so curious. HOWEVER; I would NEVER consider this person, and closed them the moment I read this (I don't think I even made it to her photos), because for some of us men this sounds like they are looking for Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, George Clooney, (etc etc fill in your own fav.) with with Bill Gate's wallet. So my intuition is that this person is way too superficial. But I am seeing SO many women in their 30's post things like this!?!?

I am just curious what others think. Is this not the same as a guy putting in his profile something like:

"There are very many things that are important to me, like loyalty, humor, and faithfulness. Someone that will listen to me, has a nice figure, can make others laugh, and is very beautiful.."

If you were a woman would YOU want to meet this person? Do you think it is Honesty of Vanity? What is the difference for that matter?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  January 30,2011, 10:08am
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I agree, those kinds of "what I want" lists are off-putting.

But ... you might have noticed by now that a great many people are not good at writing profiles. So I tend to give the benefit of the doubt on things like this. If I otherwise liked the profile, I'd still contact them.
 
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Beachedgenie is offline Beachedgenie Post #3  January 30,2011, 10:12am
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To me those statements are judgmental (and superficial). They tell me that he has an (unrealistic) expectation that I must live up to for him to condescend to give me the time of day.
He isn't worth the work... close!
Last edited by Beachedgenie; January 30,2011 at 10:35am.
 
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singinggirl is online now singinggirl Post #4  January 30,2011, 10:15am
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Agreed. Many people are not good at writing profile information and don't realize that their descriptions may be off-putting.

Keep in mind, however, that 'very attractive' is relative; different people find very different characteristics/features 'very attractive'. Same for 'very successful'. It can be defined differently for everyone. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that perhaps they just didn't state it well.
 
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tide210 is offline tide210 Post #5  January 30,2011, 10:20am
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Sometimes it's the opposite and they put that they want "someone who isn't shallow and doesn't care about appearances."

As to equate people who want physical attraction as shallow.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #6  January 30,2011, 10:23am
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I have to disagree. I would not close this profile, as someone who is confident, honest, and determined not to 'settle', is much more my cuppa tea than Mr. 'I just want a kind, loving woman who saves puppies. It's not what's on the outside that matters, it is the inner beauty.' Now THAT's a close.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #7  January 30,2011, 10:27am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
I agree, those kinds of "what I want" lists are off-putting.
^ ^ ^ ^
This
mansviewpoint wrote :
"There are very many things that are important to me, like ambition, humor, and confidence. Someone that is motivated, is very successful, can make others laugh, and is very attractive.."
I would NEVER consider this person, and closed them the moment I read this........
Yeah, this has nothing to do with how confident or successful / attractive anyone is..........it's just off-putting.

Funny how people price themselves out of the market with this, not to bright. They are probably thinking...............someone is reading my profile and thinking: geez........I'm very attractive and very successful so I will respond..or.........geez...........I'm doing OK and only good looking, so I better not respond.
Instead of what we are all really thinking reading this: which is......why would anyone write this stuff???
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  January 30,2011, 10:35am
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mansviewpoint wrote :
"There are very many things that are important to me, like ambition, humor, and confidence. Someone that is motivated, is very successful, can make others laugh, and is very attractive.."
A person of character won't put his/her demands in writing like this. You'll know through his/her actions, that he/she commands respect, and deserves a like-minded person.
 
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LovelyLinda04 is offline LovelyLinda04 Post #9  January 30,2011, 10:41am

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My Mother used to say,

"BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR BECAUSE YOUR LIABLE TO GET IT AND THEN WHAT?"

L.L.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #10  January 30,2011, 10:50am
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mansviewpoint wrote :
"very successful"
"very attractive"
Someone saying they are very successful doesn't put me off because I consider myself successful in non shallow terms e.g. in a job I enjoy and am good at rather than how much money I make.

Very attractive does sound a bit off putting but then it's down to how you interpret it! I also consider myself very attractive but when I say that I'm referring to personality rather than looks!

I would assume though, when I read a profile that "very attractive" is usually in reference to looks. I've often found it to be pointless in that context because we tend to have varying concepts of what is and isn't 'very attractive'. Put that you are very attractive on your profile and you certainly aren't adding value!


I would still contact the person because I wouldn't assume anything much from a profile and if they are full of themselves perhaps they just need the benefit of someone like me to wake them up to being less shallow!

I would exchange communication and then see if they are asking me stuff that indicates dating would be futile... eg if the conversation is about materialistic stuff or boastful stuff.

I have had women who then talk in a way which is bragging/boasting, at that point I would tend to head down your point of view where I'd give up.
Last edited by SteveManchesterEngland; January 30,2011 at 10:54am.
 
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