kitty8903 is offline kitty8903 Post #1  January 17,2011, 6:30am
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I'm a petite Asian woman, and I'm attracted to White/Caucasian men. I just joined eHarmony, and in my preferences, I selected only White/Caucasian men. It's only been 48 hours, and I already have 15 matches. Does this mean that these matches selected Asian? Or no preference? I guess I'll know if they initiate communication with me. Also, I read on a dating advice website that there are about twice as many women on eHarmony as there are men. Does this mean that I should wait for men to communicate with me, even if I'm interested in them? I'm fairly traditional, and although I'm not waiting for my "knight in shining armor" to come and rescue me, I afraid of being too forward.

Looking for advice and trying to learn more about this e-dating thing.

Thanks!
 
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StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #2  January 17,2011, 6:38am
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If their profiles are appealing - send first questions. There's really no upside to waiting for them to come to you.

Have fun with it!
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #3  January 17,2011, 6:55am
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The only upside of waiting for them to come to you is if you are looking for a very traditional guy he might be turned off by you making the first overture.

Most guys, even fairly traditional guys, don't consider you sending the first questions as you making the first move. They consider the first move whomever asks about the first meeting once you get to OC.
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #4  January 17,2011, 6:56am
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The only upside of waiting for them to come to you is if you are looking for a very traditional guy he might be turned off by you making the first overture.

Most guys, even fairly traditional guys, don't consider you sending the first questions as you making the first move. They consider the first move whomever asks about the first meeting once you get to OC.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #5  January 17,2011, 8:31am
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kitty8903 wrote :
I'm a petite Asian woman, and I'm attracted to White/Caucasian men. I just joined eHarmony, and in my preferences, I selected only White/Caucasian men. It's only been 48 hours, and I already have 15 matches. Does this mean that these matches selected Asian? Or no preference? I guess I'll know if they initiate communication with me. Also, I read on a dating advice website that there are about twice as many women on eHarmony as there are men. Does this mean that I should wait for men to communicate with me, even if I'm interested in them? I'm fairly traditional, and although I'm not waiting for my "knight in shining armor" to come and rescue me, I afraid of being too forward.

Looking for advice and trying to learn more about this e-dating thing.

Thanks!
Hi Kitty,
Welcome to the eHarmony forums.

Even though you selected White/Caucasian men only, this does not mean that they have selected only Asian women to be Matched with.

However, it does mean that they have included Asian women in their list of races they would like to be Matched up with.

As for the male/female ratio on eHarmony, there are no published stats anymore, but a few years ago, eHarmony used to have a stat that it was 60/40 female to male.
But depending upon your age bracket and location, this number can vary greatly.

Good luck and enjoy your time on eHarmony!
 
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SkinsGiants_fan is offline SkinsGiants_fan Post #6  January 17,2011, 8:34am
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kitty8903 wrote :
I'm a petite Asian woman, and I'm attracted to White/Caucasian men. I just joined eHarmony, and in my preferences, I selected only White/Caucasian men. It's only been 48 hours, and I already have 15 matches. Does this mean that these matches selected Asian? Or no preference?
They either selected Asian or placed a low importance on racial preferences and are receiving you as a flex match.
 
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kitty8903 is offline kitty8903 Post #7  January 17,2011, 5:34pm
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Thanks for replying, everyone!

So now I wonder if most men are going to check all races to try and see what comes up, or if they are being more selective. For example, I know from experience that I tend to be attracted to White/Caucasian men. My ex-husband is attracted to Asian females (he emotionally cheated on me with another Asian woman at his workplace).

So, to get the most out of eHarmony, I wonder if I should keep my race setting the way it is or expand to include all or other races. Right now I'm satisfied with the number of matches I'm receiving. However, I've already closed 75% of them, and one has closed me.

Again, thanks in advance!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  January 17,2011, 5:59pm
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I agree with the advices so far.

I am open on race (I treat it as don't care and check people individually.)

Definitely write the men you like - you go right to the head of the line, this way. (So many profiles are abandoned, that a woman who writes is known to be an active customer.)

If you are certain you wish to limit yourself to a certain race / ethnicity, then it's best to screen accordingly. I think you're somewhat hurting yourself, though: as a point of logic, you are seeking someone open-minded enough to go mixed-race, yet willing to accept that you're close-minded enough to mandate a specific race. This is also not fitting a "traditional" value system.

So, needle in a haystack.
 
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SkinsGiants_fan is offline SkinsGiants_fan Post #9  January 17,2011, 6:18pm
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I'm not sure what you are asking. I believe eHarmony sends you a "stern" warning if you don't check off the box to receive matches of your particular ethnicity. Is that what you are reacting to?

If you are sure that you don't want to date men who are not white, then there's no point in expanding your racial preferences.

If you tend to be attracted to white men but sometimes are attracted to men of other races, then it doesn't hurt to assign a low or medium importance on race and see if any interesting flex matches come your way.

Either way, it's no big deal - you can always make adjustments as you go along!
 
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kitty8903 is offline kitty8903 Post #10  January 17,2011, 7:35pm
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SkinsGiants_fan wrote :
I'm not sure what you are asking. I believe eHarmony sends you a "stern" warning if you don't check off the box to receive matches of your particular ethnicity. Is that what you are reacting to?

If you are sure that you don't want to date men who are not white, then there's no point in expanding your racial preferences.

If you tend to be attracted to white men but sometimes are attracted to men of other races, then it doesn't hurt to assign a low or medium importance on race and see if any interesting flex matches come your way.

Either way, it's no big deal - you can always make adjustments as you go along!
Thanks. I think I'll take your advice and assign a lower importance to it.

@ D-Lion. I'm try not to be close-minded--I live in the LA area, and see all kinds of guys, yet find myself physically attracted to white men about 90% of the time. And, yes, I did receive that stern warning and ignored it. When I was in high school, I even tried making myself like Asian guys, and it was a disaster (funny now, but not then)! In fact, none of my Asian girlfriends from high school are dating or married to Asian guys. They're all white or Hispanic. I don't know what it is about this combination, but it's more than just me.
 
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