The Purpose of Guided/Open Communication


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  January 8,2011, 12:52am
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

In your opinion, what is the purpose of going through guided communication? What is the purpose of going through open communication?

Do you think that the information shared on a profile and the answers given during GC is enough information to guage who a person is as well as make a sound judgement on the level of compatibility between yourself and your match? If so, then what is the purpose of going to OC with someone?

I ask, because for the first time in my tenure on eH, I have a match who does not want to ask or answer additional questions as well as share ideas, interests, etc on OC. I never ever had this happen to me! Lol I guess this person feels that her profile is enough information I need to know about her. But, I really don't know much about her for a profile and GC answers(pre-set ones mind you) is the equivalent to reading a syllabus for a class or a brochure when thinking of taking a vacation.

I don't know how we are going to get better acquainted since there was no mention of bypassing OC and either exchanging numbers and/or meeting somewhere in public.

Why me folks!!??? lol Why do I get the difficult ones? Haha

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
dfletch1971 is offline dfletch1971 Post #2  January 8,2011, 1:23am
dfletch1971's Avatar

is contemplating the whole thing.

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2011

Arkansas

Posts: 7

See profile

I have mixed feelings about guided communication. It seems to take a little of the pressure of the initial contact. However, it can be slow, and I tend to be the impatient type.
Open communication is good if you can express yourself well.
I have closed a few men over answers they have given me in gc. But I usually wait until we reach oc and I can ask them about any red flags.
If I understand correctly and you are not receiving anything from this woman, my guess would be that she is not a paying member.
Hang in there.
D
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  January 8,2011, 2:17am
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

Some people are firm in that you cannot get to know someone through OC. That you must meet in person to actually get to know someone. So, my guess is that they don't want to waste their time doing something that isn't going to get them the information they deem necessary to get to know you.

I personally like to exchange a few questions before arranging a first meet. But, it all depends on the man, the distance and if they offer a first meet in the first OC message.

I don't mind either way, lots of questions, no questions. But, if it is no questions they had better want to meet face to face quickly and not drag out pointless OC messages for weeks or months.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #4  January 8,2011, 6:12am
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

BabyYoda wrote :
In your opinion, what is the purpose of going through guided communication? What is the purpose of going through open communication?
Huh? Really? You're really asking that? Do you truly not know?

Please answer this question: Why are you using eH?

wrote :
I don't know how we are going to get better acquainted since there was no mention of bypassing OC and either exchanging numbers and/or meeting somewhere in public.

Why me folks!!??? lol Why do I get the difficult ones?
Diificult? She has laid the ball on the rim for you, it seems. All you need to do is tap it home.

What am I not understanding here? Who started OC, and with what kind of message? How many messages have been exchanged, and is she balking at answering questions or simply ignoring them?
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  January 8,2011, 6:29am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,429

See profile

BabyYoda wrote :

I ask, because for the first time in my tenure on eH, I have a match who does not want to ask or answer additional questions as well as share ideas, interests, etc on OC. I never ever had this happen to me! Lol I guess this person feels that her profile is enough information I need to know about her. But, I really don't know much about her for a profile and GC answers(pre-set ones mind you) is the equivalent to reading a syllabus for a class or a brochure when thinking of taking a vacation.

I don't know how we are going to get better acquainted since there was no mention of bypassing OC and either exchanging numbers and/or meeting somewhere in public.



B.Y.
No mention? by her?
So have YOU asked her to meet yet?
because that's what I'd be doing.

if she refuses to meet...well, that's a different story.
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #6  January 8,2011, 8:31am
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

dfletch1971 wrote :
I have mixed feelings about guided communication. It seems to take a little of the pressure of the initial contact. However, it can be slow, and I tend to be the impatient type.
Open communication is good if you can express yourself well.
I have closed a few men over answers they have given me in gc. But I usually wait until we reach oc and I can ask them about any red flags.
If I understand correctly and you are not receiving anything from this woman, my guess would be that she is not a paying member.
Hang in there.
D
I understand about the mixed feelings of using guided commnication. Some people tend to drag out the process which can cause disinterest. I also close out profiles if I deem the match to be incompatible based on the answers given during GC, but it is rare that I do this. I usually wait til OC so I can ask for clarification, exchange additional and more in depth info. about myself, ask questions about my matches profile and/or whatever info. I would want to know, etc...from there decide whether to exchange numbers and chat or not. If the phone exchange and subsequent chats
go well, then make plans to meet/greet. This is standard eH protocol for me and I would say that the vast majority of my matches follow the same protocol, but I guess some stragglers come along the way from time to time. Lol

I just finished the GC process w/ the match in question the other day and sent the first OC email. I wished her a happy belated New Years and followed up with some questions regarding her profile. She responded with one sentence wishing me a great weekend, I responded in kind, but politely reminded her that she forgot to answer my questions and invited her to do so whenever she gets a chance. She responded again stating that she already answered my questions and I answered her questions, thank you. She also complimented me on my gov't name, but that's it. I responded that I must have missed the email where we exchanged questions and answers in a humorous way and said some other benign comments.

Then the light bulb came on in my head. She was referring to the guided communication questions! So, being opinionated and straightforward, I sent a follow up email which covered the GC/OC process and its functions/purpose as well as telling her that if she doesn't want to share additional info and ask me questions beyond what is shared on our profiles that I will honor her decision, but will conclude that we are incompatible. I also told her that she is more than welcome to reply if she wishes and if not then best of luck in her search.

I really don't have the time nor energy for games, drama, difficult bantering, etc. I do wish people will make up their minds on whether they want to get to know someone or not. If a person doesn't like to write, then let it be known and offer an alternative method of communication.

So, that's what happened which sparked this thread.

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #7  January 8,2011, 9:00am

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

I agree with you BY. I feel I am very good at guaging compatibility through profiles and G/C, and this is usually confirmed when we get to OC and then meet.

I disagree that MHCS are useless (why sign up at all if you think it's all so useless!?).

There are people who don't like to write....I try to understand those people.

But overall, I don't like to be rushed. If I just wanted to meet anyone I'd go to the bar. I don't like to think of EH as just increasing my supply or a virtual bar.

It's helping me to find more compatible dates....and that starts with the matching process but ends with me making an effort to be real myself and then reviewing my matches answers.

I've been pretty good at this so I don't know why other people think it's so useless.
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #8  January 8,2011, 9:09am
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

AndieIsMe wrote :
Some people are firm in that you cannot get to know someone through OC. That you must meet in person to actually get to know someone. So, my guess is that they don't want to waste their time doing something that isn't going to get them the information they deem necessary to get to know you.
I would be fine with skipping exchanging emails and go to the phone, chat a few times then meet. But, I need my match to convey said desire to me so I can work with the person.

wrote :
I personally like to exchange a few questions before arranging a first meet. But, it all depends on the man, the distance and if they offer a first meet in the first OC message.
I am the same. However, I don't meet everyone I communicate with and use my eH dating protocol to weed out incompatible matches.

wrote :
I don't mind either way, lots of questions, no questions. But, if it is no questions they had better want to meet face to face quickly and not drag out pointless OC messages for weeks or months.
I agree ONLY if an alternative method of communication is suggested. But, to ignore my questions and offer no other means to communicate such as a number or even an explaination as to why my questions weren't answered is rather sketchy and shows lack of interest. But, other than that I agree with you.

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #9  January 8,2011, 9:20am
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

cp30 wrote :
I agree with you BY. I feel I am very good at guaging compatibility through profiles and G/C, and this is usually confirmed when we get to OC and then meet.

I disagree that MHCS are useless (why sign up at all if you think it's all so useless!?).

There are people who don't like to write....I try to understand those people.

But overall, I don't like to be rushed. If I just wanted to meet anyone I'd go to the bar. I don't like to think of EH as just increasing my supply or a virtual bar.

It's helping me to find more compatible dates....and that starts with the matching process but ends with me making an effort to be real myself and then reviewing my matches answers.

I've been pretty good at this so I don't know why other people think it's so useless.
In your opinion, if you reach OC with a match, what information should be shared between yourself and match? Would you ask questions to your match not covered and/or elaborated in his profile? Do you feel that a match that ask you any question about yourself in OC is intrusive? Last, how does one go from GC to meeting w/o using OC to communicate and why would anyone want to meet someone who refuses to communicate effectively on OC?

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  January 8,2011, 9:29am

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

BabyYoda wrote :
In your opinion, if you reach OC with a match, what information should be shared between yourself and match? Would you ask questions to your match not covered and/or elaborated in his profile? Do you feel that a match that ask you any question about yourself in OC is intrusive? Last, how does one go from GC to meeting w/o using OC to communicate and why would anyone want to meet someone who refuses to communicate effectively on OC?

B.Y.
I don't know if the information shared is as important as just seeing where the conversation goes and taking cues from that. The fact that he's willing to write back and forth and share about himself and ask me questions and show interest is all a great step toward meeting.

I have had several men...the first OC is 'do you want to meet' and I find it very frustrating and actually, disappointing. I may have liked them and this turns me off.

I'm glad enough men feel the same way because I was beginng to feel I'm the only one who cares about trying to learn about each other before we go sniff each others butts in the parking lot of starbucks.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Pets in the Profile = Crazy and Undateable? | Using eHarmony | Six OC's want to meet »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How many Requests for Communication do you get? betta33 Using eHarmony 59 January 31,2011 10:16pm
Need general advice for Open communication. jackc83 Ask a Dating Expert 12 November 8,2010 9:17am
Move to Open Communication...But No Communication? blrdancer Using eHarmony 3 November 3,2010 7:28am
Confused about guided communication sngldad13 Using eHarmony 7 October 21,2010 12:10pm
Open Communication... What to expect? notjustamuse Using eHarmony 6 October 9,2009 7:26pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Where's the other boot?” –  Breezy1

Join the “She stared at my feet. Is this normal?” discussion

“Exit interviews are highly recommended in many dating books and in other life strategy books. They are very effective. I think he would answer honestly to the some point. I know that is horrible and ... ” –  biking_girl

Join the “Exit interview after unsuccessful date” discussion

“And I'd also add that while a successful stable job down the road and a solid income is helpful in attracting a woman, it's no guarantee that finding love will be easy for you. I know plenty of men ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“I think if someone says they can't meet you for weeks, they are lukewarm interested. Even if he were truly busy with a project, he'd be able to drop you an email or a text here and there. I took ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Did he poof?” discussion

“ Yes, illegal aliens aren't treated as illegals. lol OP, trust your gut. A few months ago, I met a guy on match, who said his membership was expiring, and gave me his IM so we could chat. I ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“Stop humping my leg.” –  Breezy1

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion

“I thought this thread was about exercise. Positive OP though...nice to see.” –  Breezy1

Join the “It's a matter of fit” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:30pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0