melman is offline melman Post #11  January 8,2011, 2:49pm
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I believe it is important that your profile not read like a series of essays. The profiles I have been most attracted to, were written in a conversational style where it is almost possible to imagine the writer sitting across a table, saying the words to me out loud. The first 4 sentences of your new answer are fluff... filler. Your core idea is that you "work with a program ...". Now, is that really your "passion"? Use the "best friend telling a guy about you" image again. Is that really one of the first things he/she would mention?

If so, then
wrote :
"I work with a program that helps transition homeless families into housing. Hearing their stories, and seeing the smiles on their faces when they are greeted with a good meal and a safe place to sleep gives me a great feeling."


is sufficient.
 
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denimgolfer is offline denimgolfer Post #12  January 8,2011, 2:51pm
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needs chocolate, please!

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This is a tiny correction, but in the most influential answer just say "my adult son" instead of "probably my adult son" - good luck and Hau'oli Makahiki Hou (hope I got that right)!
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #13  January 8,2011, 5:27pm
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Thanks, both of you & yes, you got that right. I'm impressed!
 
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