Male, 24, profile review - too wordy?

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xagent Post #1 January 4,2011, 12:19pm

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The one thing I am most passionate about:

The great, beautiful, outdoors. A raging bonfire at the beach, snowboarding in Tahoe, mountain biking at Mammoth, hiking with the redwoods in Muir Woods, playing kickball, a scenic road trip down highway 1, or just day drinking and BBQ'ing with friends in a park. I brew my own beer and I'm a foodie - nothing more refreshing than tasting a new microbrew beer at a new bar or food you've never tried at a new restaurant. Even in a big city like SF, I have a ways to go. To balance all this out, I love being active and going to the gym

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

I'm looking for someone smart, ambitious, and career-driven, yet has a healthy sense of work-play balance. You are well rounded, and know how to have fun while working hard. Someone that is active physically and mentally - you love outdoor adventures and sports, challenging yourself and visiting new places, and can hold an intelligent conversation. Can you go on for at least 10 minutes if I ask you, "What do you really like to do or care about?", then shoot me a message!

Basic Information
Occupation: Software Engineer
Age 24
Height 5' 7"
Wants Kids: Yes
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity Indian
Religion: Neither religious nor spiritual
Drinks: Several times a week
Smokes: Never

The most influential person in my life has been:

My Dad. He's the calmest man I know. He's kind and socially responsible. He works hard, has a good wife(my Mom), successful career, a proud son (me!), happiness and good mental health, and everything else one could want in life. If I can be where he is when I'm 50, I'll be more than pleased.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

* My parents, for being so kind and loving, always supporting me, and being good role models
* My best friends. For being so damn fun to hang out with, and teaching me so many real-life skills, introducing me to new experiences and hobbies
* Being a college graduate, having an awesome job in my career, and for once feeling a little settled in life.

Three of my best life-skills are:

* Keeping physically fit
* Maintaining a network of close friends
* Finding new adventures and unique experiences

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

That I can actually cook tasty meals beyond throwing a steak on the grill.

The things I can't live without are:

* All my good friends and family
* A car and stick shift... even in the hills of SF
* Live music - it's a new experience everytime
* The scenic beauty California has to offer
* Good beer - IPAs, stouts, Belgians

The first thing people notice about me:

I'm extremely curious. I'll pull out my phone to research something on Wikipedia on the fly. I spend hours on end geeking out to new hobbies. And, I almost never stop asking questions. I'm also the one rallying all my friends for activities and organizing trips. Long weekend? Ski trip? Party bus? A day in the park or beach? The latest new bar or festival? I'm the guy to call.

Some additional information I want you to know:

I can sing a rockin' "Give It Away Now" on karaoke, and I hold the belt for reigning heavyweight BPC.

I typically spend my leisure time:

I get ansty sitting indoors on a perfectly sunny day. I'll go explore the city and it's music festivals and events, the beach, snowboarding or camping trips, or ride my bike. I enjoy doing Crossfit and Olympic lifting. By night, exploring new nightlife, happy hours and trivia nights, brewing beer, and catching up with friends. Looking forward to traveling more; I've been all over, yet there are so many more places I want to visit. Argentina and Brazil, next up! Concerts are another past time, whether it's Coachella, a jazz festival, or a loud rock show in a tiny venue

The last book I read and enjoyed:

The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. It really opens your eyes to a new perspective on human and animal culture, evolutionary biology, and genetics - that the unit of selection is an individual gene, and not a whole species. Intelligent, well written, and a strong supporter of evolution.

My friends describe me as:

* Physically Fit
* Energetic
* Passionate
* Intelligent

Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Renee; January 4,2011 at 1:30pm. Reason: provided link to OKCupid to show photos

DancingFool Post #2 January 4,2011, 1:29pm

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xagent wrote :

The one thing I am most passionate about:

The great, beautiful, outdoors. A raging bonfire at the beach, snowboarding in Tahoe, mountain biking at Mammoth, hiking with the redwoods in Muir Woods, playing kickball, a scenic road trip down highway 1, or just day drinking and BBQ'ing with friends in a park. I would stop here. There rest belongs more under leisure activities than here. Leave her a reason to at least look at the rest of your profile before leaping to conclusions. I brew my own beer and I'm a foodie - nothing more refreshing than tasting a new microbrew beer at a new bar or food you've never tried at a new restaurant. Even in a big city like SF, I have a ways to go. To balance all this out, I love being active and going to the gym

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

I'm looking for someone smart, ambitious, and career-driven, yet has a healthy sense of work-play balance. You are well rounded, and know how to have fun while working hard. Someone that is active physically and mentally - you love outdoor adventures and sports, challenging yourself and visiting new places, and can hold an intelligent conversation. Can you go on for at least 10 minutes if I ask you, "What do you really like to do or care about?", then shoot me a message! Precisely the kind of a woman you want will not take kindly to the "you are x y z" tone in this paragraph. In fact a lot of women will roll their eyes at this list and move on. Pick a one quality that you genuinely believe matters in a relationship and briefly explain why it matters to you. What you have here is a wish list/shopping cart mentality and it's not sexy.

Basic Information
Occupation: Software Engineer
Age 24
Height 5' 7"
Wants Kids: Yes
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity Indian
Religion: Neither religious nor spiritual
Drinks: Several times a week
Smokes: Never

The most influential person in my life has been:

My Dad. He's the calmest man I know. He's kind and socially responsible. He works hard, has a good wife(my Mom), successful career, a proud son (me!), happiness and good mental health, and everything else one could want in life. If I can be where he is when I'm 50, I'll be more than pleased. Talk about anyone but your parents - everyone on this planet was influenced by their parents. Also, this can read as you possibly being momma's/poppa's boy who hasn't grown up to be his own man yet.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

* My parents, for being so kind and loving, always supporting me, and being good role models
* My best friends. For being so damn fun to hang out with, and teaching me so many real-life skills, introducing me to new experiences and hobbies
* Being a college graduate, having an awesome job in my career, and for once feeling a little settled in life.

Three of my best life-skills are:

* Keeping physically fit
* Maintaining a network of close friends
* Finding new adventures and unique experiences

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

That I can actually cook tasty meals beyond throwing a steak on the grill.

The things I can't live without are:

* All my good friends and family repetitive
* A car and stick shift... even in the hills of SF
* Live music - it's a new experience everytime
* The scenic beauty California has to offer repetitive
* Good beer - IPAs, stouts, Belgians repetitive
Every question is your chance to show something new about yourself rather than rehash the same stuff.

The first thing people notice about me:

I'm extremely curious. I'll pull out my phone to research something on Wikipedia on the fly. I spend hours on end geeking out to new hobbies. And, I almost never stop asking questions.This can read as you are annoying. I'm also the one rallying all my friends for activities and organizing trips. Long weekend? Ski trip? Party bus? A day in the park or beach? The latest new bar or festival? I'm the guy to call.

Some additional information I want you to know:

I can sing a rockin' "Give It Away Now" on karaoke, and I hold the belt for reigning heavyweight BPC. What is BPC? While some may know, many will not. Don't make her Google info - she has 20 other profiles begging for her attention this morning and you may not make the cut.

I typically spend my leisure time:

I get ansty sitting indoors on a perfectly sunny day. I'll go explore the city and it's music festivals and events, the beach, snowboarding or camping trips, or ride my bike. I enjoy doing Crossfit and Olympic lifting. By night, exploring new nightlife, happy hours and trivia nights, brewing beer, and catching up with friends. Looking forward to traveling more; I've been all over, yet there are so many more places I want to visit. Argentina and Brazil, next up! Concerts are another past time, whether it's Coachella, a jazz festival, or a loud rock show in a tiny venue

The last book I read and enjoyed:

The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. It really opens your eyes to a new perspective on human and animal culture, evolutionary biology, and genetics - that the unit of selection is an individual gene, and not a whole species. Intelligent, well written, and a strong supporter of evolution.

My friends describe me as:

* Physically Fit
* Energetic
* Passionate
* Intelligent

I also have some photos up, they're the same as on my OkCupid profile. Are the photos any good? Which are bad? OkCupid | xagent003 / 24 / M / San Francisco, California

My comments above in blue. Overall, your profile gives an impression of a guy who is way over the top and never stops, someone who is constantly traveling, constantly on the go and would be hard to keep up with.....especially if she actually has a job or a career she is pursuing. To be honest, when I was done reading, the one question in my mind was, "Does he ever slow down?" If you are all that hyperactive, then you've painted a clear picture of yourself. If you are not quite so over the top, then you may wish to tone things down just a tad.

Overall, keep in mind that I'm only commenting on how other people may interpret what you've written and not on who you are as a person.

scarlet13 Post #3 January 4,2011, 1:40pm

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oh, stop DF. he's adorable.

DancingFool Post #4 January 4,2011, 1:57pm

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scarlet13 wrote :

oh, stop DF. he's adorable.

ha ha adorable is not enough?

lunabeach Post #5 January 4,2011, 2:28pm

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scarlet13 wrote :

oh, stop DF. he's adorable.

Agreed. And adorable is enough.

I do agree that the 'what are you looking for section' doesn't put you in the best light. A list of characteristics is ok, but there's something about the "if you can talk blah blah..." that doesn't read well. If you like someone who is passionate and communicative, find a more appealing way to say it.

Your pics are fine - I would flip the one of you in the doorway right side up and put it a little earlier in the lineup (maybe pic 2 or 3).

xagent Post #6 January 4,2011, 2:43pm

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DancingFool wrote :

Thanks for the comments.

That is me to an extent though...what if I am "over the top" as you describe? I'm a typical 20-something post-college young professional living in a big city. So in my free time, I do like to let lose. Half my weekends and holidays are literally spent working out, being active, or outdoors, and the other half spent day drinking, going to bars and concerts, raging. Or mixing the two... playing in a beer kickball (sloshball) league. I sit in front of a computer all day at work... last thing I wanna do in my free time is sit in front of a computer or TV being "slow".

And that's what I'm looking for... someone that is settled into their career but also loves to party hardy and be out and about. A girl that's fit and attractive, smart/geeky and well off in her career, and does not mind drinking or partying on weekends. That's as blunt as I can put it.

Why is that a problem? That's what I was hoping to convey and attract. In fact I love how the above paragraph just sounded. Appropriate for a dating profile?

Given what I've mentioned here, and what I listed in the "Qualities I'm looking for", how would you word it? Is it specifically the "You are..." phrase?

- I have changed the influential person thing to be my friend. How does this sound?

My old best friend Alex from college. We were roommates sophmore and senior year. We shared many college memories together, from late night studying in the lab, to crazy tailgating. He introduced me to a wide variety of new music and bands, and taught me how to play the guitar and rock out with him. He was a smart physics nerd at heart who did his best to not look and play the part.

- I'll try to think of new things for the I can't live without. But recommend going for serious or obviously not-serious joking here?

- Ok, I removed the "I can never stop asking questions" from what people notice about me. Everything else in this section fine?

- BPC = beer pong champ. hah. It's not meant to be something they get.

Last edited by xagent; January 4,2011 at 2:54pm.

scarlet13 Post #7 January 4,2011, 7:28pm

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xagent wrote :

- BPC = beer pong champ. hah. It's not meant to be something they get.

ugh. i take back the adorable comment.

Tri05 Post #8 January 4,2011, 8:14pm

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I have a feeling this profile would be better received on another dating site I have in mind. While there are certainly ladies on this site who will be attracted to the "Have fun, Be crazy" personality, the very large majority will be turned off by that. In there mind it might equate to childish.

If you think you may want to adjust some things about your profile and try it out here, I wish you best of luck. You may want to start by removing the "wink" face after "going to the gym".

Last edited by Tri05; January 4,2011 at 8:18pm.

SkinsGiants_fan Post #9 January 4,2011, 8:40pm

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I pretty much agree with Dancing Fool's comments. My overall suggestion is to re-read the questions asked of you. If the question asks you to talk about one thing, then talk about one thing.

The passion question, for instance, asks you to talk about one passion, yet you go on and on about 7-8 different things - waaaay too long and unfocused.

Again, with the most important thing you are looking for in a person, you go on too long. You are only supposed to list the most important quality. It's not necessary to go on and on with your wish list. When you are going through your match's profiles you can see if they are suitable for you.

The last sentence is particularly off-putting. You demand that she has to meet this arbitrary minimum criteria of discussing a topic for 10 minutes, then you say that she has to initiate communication with you. This makes it sound like you are too good to reach out to matches who interest you... but I'm guessing you don't mean it to sound this way... so at the very least, I would lose the last sentence, stat.

On the influential person question, if I recall correctly, you are asked to name someone other than your parents. So please name someone who is not your mom or dad. (I notice below in your thankful section, you say your best friends taught you useful life skills - you might want to pick one - one! - of them.)

But if you insist on using your dad, then I would suggest focusing on specific character traits that you think have rubbed off on you. "Kind and socially responsible." All the rest of the stuff like "everything else one could want in life" is just stuff, and doesn't really add anything to your answer.

I think your "things I can't live without" section is ok. I agree with DF that some of the stuff is repetitive to what you already stated above, but I would tackle that by cutting down your passion section.

This is fussy on my part but "a car and stick shift" reads in a weird way. Why not just say your stick-shift car or five-speed car? It's seems weird to separate out the stick shift, considering that many guys think of it as a metaphor for... well... (Maybe it's just my issue, but it brings back memories of the time I was at a bus stop in SF and some guy pulled over ostensibly seeking directions but really wanted to show me his "stick shift"

True story!)

Again, in the "first thing people notice about me" section... you should only list the first thing... not 4-5 things people notice about you, but the first thing. In particular, I'd take out the stuff about rallying your friends for activities and organizing trips, it's not relevant to the question, as it is unlikely to be the first thing people notice about you. Also, instead of saying you never stop asking questions (which sounds annoying) I would just say you are curious and inquisitive.

Regarding the reigning heavyweight BPC... um, no comment.

Under the "leisure time" section, you spelled "antsy" wrong. But you might want to rephrase that, as it makes you sound hyperactive anyway.

Finally, I took a look at your photos. I would lose some of those party group shots, especially the one that partially shows the blond girl. I guarantee that none of your matches will be impressed by that photo.

SkinsGiants_fan Post #10 January 4,2011, 8:46pm

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Tri05 wrote :

I agree. Most women here are looking for something a little more serious, and really, your profile doesn't at all suggest that you are looking for something serious. If you are not - no problem, you are only 24, but I'm not sure EH is the right site for you. If you are serious, then you may want to make some major changes to your profile, because right now, it comes across as hyperactive and unfocused frat boy.

Either way, good luck!!!

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