wanting to meet right away


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noexmarine is offline noexmarine Post #1  December 31,2010, 9:53pm
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What is so wrong about wanting to meet someone right away??? i've been on open communication with this woman for a few days and i am a single father of 2 year old twin boys who has his boys every other weekend and a two days out of the week....so after exchanging EH emails..i asked her if she wasn't busy tomorrow, if we can meet....the reason for this is because i have my boys this weekend (New Years weekend) and i asked her if we can meet on thursday, december 30th because i'll have my boys all weekend until tuesday...and didn't want to wait until January 7th (the weekend i won't have my boys) to finally meet. when i get a reply, she says, "what's the rush?" "you just want to make sure i'm not fat!!!" i was replied with "wow, that's harsh" after that, i haven't been getting any text messages after i gave her my cell number.... i thought that was funny and wanted to share.
 
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noexmarine is offline noexmarine Post #2  December 31,2010, 9:56pm
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what is wrong with telling someone that you want to meet right away because you don't want to waste mine or her time???

this is an add on thread to my previous one.....
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  December 31,2010, 10:17pm
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There is nothing wrong with telling someone you want to meet right away. But, you also have to consider that the other person may not want to meet immediately. Consider that the other person might have obligations they need to work around in meeting someone.

Long distance is the biggest challenge for me and meeting right away. I can't just drop everything and go. There has to be some planning involved as I have a child in school. You can just copy and paste the address in your browser's address bar and past it in at the bottom of your post.

ETA: I combined the two threads. No need to make two of the same subject on the same board.
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Xable is offline Xable Post #4  December 31,2010, 10:31pm
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Soo... Do you just want to make sure she isn't fat?

But, to answer your question from a female's POV - I rather meet someone sooner rather than later but I *personally* want to exchange a few emails before I do so. As a woman (who knows that any male over the age of 12 could very easily over power her) I just like to feel somewhat comfortable before I go to meet a complete stranger. So for me, that means before I go to meet said stranger, I like know (or think I know) a few things about them and that means a few emails or maybe one very long one.

If you set a date, place, and time in the very first email to a woman that will probably be a turn off to most women. You know, women do like to chat and actually like to get to know "the insides" of a person. We also like to pretend that guys can actually like us for something other than our body. Humor us a little and wait an exchange or two before asking the woman out (if you are not already).

Now, I don't know how many emails you did exchange. Every woman is different but my sweet spot for asking me out is usually email exchange 2 to 4. I'm not looking for a pen pal, I'm looking to actually meet, but my safety and personal comfort level always come first.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #5  December 31,2010, 11:16pm
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You should meet as soon as possible....

that said...

eac h person operates at their own pace. given this is a free week you have some newbies who are more reserved and wants to scope out their field before meeting.

What you should do is exchange personal emails fiorst from EH

Then phone numbers and talk on the phone

and then ask out for a date.

Be careful some dont want to meet that soom.

Also with a first date respect her privacy by meeting in a public place for a first meeting like a restaurant, coffee shop, museum, or someplace else where there are people like a mall just to talk for a few minutes to see if you are fat.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  January 1,2011, 8:59am
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I like to meet sooner than later and will usually suggest meeting within the first week of Open Communication. This may mean that we will meet about 2 weeks after getting to Open Communication.

Two things that I see from your post is that you seemed to be rather abrupt in your asking this match out.

1) Unless you have explained that you would be free on December 30th and would like to meet if she would be available but will have your sons and the next time you would be free would not be until January 7th, you are going to come across as overly aggressive.

2) You are asking her out on fairly short notice. Most people are not going to want to accept short notice invitations, particularly a first date because it may make them seem too available.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  January 1,2011, 9:18am
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noexmarine wrote :
What is so wrong about wanting to meet someone right away???
There's absolutely nothing wrong with meeting right away. Experienced eH users know that prolonged OC message exchanges are usually a big waste of time, and usually result in one side or the other (or both) losing interest.

wrote :
....so after exchanging EH emails..i asked her if she wasn't busy tomorrow, if we can meet....
How would you react to that kind of invitation? Have you given the impression that you are someone she needs to meet? Or just someone to see "if she isn't busy"?

The way you present the idea of a meeting is very important. "If you're not busy" is bad. And likewise, asking a direct question ("Would you like to meet for coffee on Tuesday?") can be bad at this stage - it's a yes/no question and it's easy to simply say "no".

What I have found to be amazingly successful is to start OC with a short message (3 sentences at most) ending with the statement "Looking forward to meeting you." I simply say what my intention is, and I don't show that I intend to exchange messages or answer lots of e-questions. And it's not a yes/no question - I guess it asks the match to either agree or disagree about what her intention is. So far, every match that I've done this with, has replied to agree that yes, she would like to meet as well. With agreement about basic intentions, it becomes very easy to arrange a first meet.

wrote :
when i get a reply, she says, "what's the rush?" "you just want to make sure i'm not fat!!!"
You're being tested. Don't fall for it. You've got other matches to write to. Matches that won't give you grief over simply wanting to meet.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #8  January 1,2011, 9:23am
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If you read through these boards, you'll notice that all of us have said that it's better to meet sooner rather than later.

There's nothing wrong with meeting right away. If she's busy, ask her what day is best for her and leave the ball in her court.

The sooner you meet the better it is for both of you.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #9  January 1,2011, 9:27am
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melman wrote :
You're being tested. Don't fall for it. You've got other matches to write to. Matches that won't give you grief over simply wanting to meet.
I was just going to comment on this "fat" thing too. Maybe it's her way of telling a joke; if so, the humor is lost because of the printed word. If she's "fat" on December 30th, she'll be just as "fat" on January 7th.

Ask her when she thinks she's going to be thin enough. When she thinks she's thin enough, she can get back to you and you'll squeeze her into your schedule if you're not exclusive with someone else by then.
 
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paintandbooks is offline paintandbooks Post #10  January 1,2011, 9:41am
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noexmarine wrote :
What is so wrong about wanting to meet someone right away??? i've been on open communication with this woman for a few days and i am a single father of 2 year old twin boys who has his boys every other weekend and a two days out of the week....so after exchanging EH emails..i asked her if she wasn't busy tomorrow, if we can meet....the reason for this is because i have my boys this weekend (New Years weekend) and i asked her if we can meet on thursday, december 30th because i'll have my boys all weekend until tuesday...and didn't want to wait until January 7th (the weekend i won't have my boys) to finally meet. when i get a reply, she says, "what's the rush?" "you just want to make sure i'm not fat!!!" i was replied with "wow, that's harsh" after that, i haven't been getting any text messages after i gave her my cell number.... i thought that was funny and wanted to share.
Maybe she was just being funny

Maybe, like me, she texts only as a last resort. I work with my hands, they are my livelihood, I don't voluntarily risk their fitness, texting taxes my over-taxed thumbs:

I agree, get to OC, minimal email, set up a meet.
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