noexmarine is offline noexmarine Post #1  December 29,2010, 2:03am
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if you send a girl a eHarmony message, she approves your request, but whenever she replies back to you, they are short, dry, emails...what does that mean???? is she just being nice and sending you an email just to be sending you an email or she is just plain busy and can only afford to send you a quick e mail.....or she just does she like you, but doesn't have much to say????

i am asking because, i've been exchanging e mails with a few women who have accepted my request for Open communication...and we have been exchanging e mails...this one girl sends me a good size e mail and another one sends me a few sentences with "How are you," "hope all is well", and gave me her opinion on a statement i sent her...with a couple of questions about me, but it sounded really dry....i'm wondering, is she interested or just being nice because i sent her an email????
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  December 29,2010, 5:25am
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The fact that she is bothering to reply means she is interested. Interested is the operative term here - she does not know you, you don't know her, don't try to build a fake attachment over pixels on the screen.

Realize that while some people are great writers, others are not. Ask yourself this - do you want a relationship with a person who is great at e-mails or one who is great in person? In short, rather than trying to judge what's what over pixels on the screen, try to set up a meeting in real life asap, so you know whether the real life connection is actually there. As you date, you will learn the hard way that great e-mails do not necessarily mean a great connection in person.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  December 29,2010, 5:39am
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noexmarine wrote :
if you send a girl a eHarmony message, she approves your request, but whenever she replies back to you, they are short, dry, emails...what does that mean???? is she just being nice and sending you an email just to be sending you an email or she is just plain busy and can only afford to send you a quick e mail.....or she just does she like you, but doesn't have much to say????
It means that is her communication style. Not every match is going to write a book, most will get tongue tied when it comes to email, especially when they are new to e-dating.

wrote :
i am asking because, i've been exchanging e mails with a few women who have accepted my request for Open communication...and we have been exchanging e mails...this one girl sends me a good size e mail and another one sends me a few sentences with "How are you," "hope all is well", and gave me her opinion on a statement i sent her...with a couple of questions about me, but it sounded really dry....i'm wondering, is she interested or just being nice because i sent her an email????
Don't compare the two matches writing style. The one that sends you a "good size" email, could have nothing to say in person, and the one who is "dry" could be a chatty cathy in person.

Personally I look at emails as a stepping stone, I don't put too much weight into them, and only use them to look for serious red flags..

Don't be so concerned whether a match is interested in you just yet. Your concern should be if they are interested in meeting you and when. make sense?

Gauge the level of interest after you meet, not before
Last edited by TrekRyder10; December 29,2010 at 5:43am.
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #4  December 29,2010, 1:26pm
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For starters it sounds like you are doing the fast track system. There is nothing wrong with the fast track deal but the vast majority of the people on eharmony prefer the GC system. In many cases if you go through GC by the time you get to the email phase the girls will be more willing to talking openly with you.

When you do get to the email phase and you sense that they are not responding real well to you ask for their phone number (and always give them your number at the same time). Talk on the phone with them and if you find the communication is still poor it is probably best to close them out (and if they refuse to give you their phone number close them out as well).

Sure you can always refuse to listen to your gut instincts and go on to meet all these people that it doesn't seem to be clicking with. But if you do you will probably just run into a bunch of bad dates that you could have easily avoided if you had listened to your instincts.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #5  December 29,2010, 1:54pm
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noexmarine wrote :
if you send a girl a eHarmony message, she approves your request, but whenever she replies back to you, they are short, dry, emails...what does that mean???? is she just being nice and sending you an email just to be sending you an email or she is just plain busy and can only afford to send you a quick e mail.....or she just does she like you, but doesn't have much to say????

i am asking because, i've been exchanging e mails with a few women who have accepted my request for Open communication...and we have been exchanging e mails...this one girl sends me a good size e mail and another one sends me a few sentences with "How are you," "hope all is well", and gave me her opinion on a statement i sent her...with a couple of questions about me, but it sounded really dry....i'm wondering, is she interested or just being nice because i sent her an email????
DancingFool wrote :
The fact that she is bothering to reply means she is interested. Interested is the operative term here - she does not know you, you don't know her, don't try to build a fake attachment over pixels on the screen.
Hi Noexmarine - It is not clear whether the earlier posters are male or female, so let me add my own female perspective to your original question. I am fairly new to eHarmony, and I have decided that right now it's a good idea to respond to every match who asks for communication with me. However, I have not been "interested" in all of these matches, instead, I was going on the "you never know until you meet..." line of thinking. Some people disagree with this as "just being polite" but I figure it never hurts to exchange a few emails, at least until you can get a feel for where the other person is coming from.

Also, I have a hard time writing a long email with lots of questions back to a guy who has only ever sent me cursory emails with only one or two lines - sometimes not even complete sentences. One guy was emailing from his iPhone via the eH app, so that's more like texting than emailing, so I guess I can see why his emails were quite short. But, even then, I don't want to come off like the "typical clingy woman" who has to write novels in the first few emails, when a lot of men would be put off by that. I am curious as to how long and detailed your emails to either woman is? I usually let the email I get dictate how I will respond. If a match asks me a few questions, I will ask him a few questions. If his responses are detailed, I will provide more detailed answers.

I guess it also matters if these women are close by where you live, or if you are searching long distance. My distance parameters are very limited, so there is no reason why if there is mutual interest we couldn't just schedule a quick meet, before we get too wrapped up in long, detailed emails. I find that email only tells you so much, then you have to see if there is that elusive thing known as "Chemistry", which can only be done in person.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #6  January 1,2011, 8:53am
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Listen and pay attention to this warning!

The last girl who sent me long email essays was about 2 months ago.

She moaned that I wasn't asking her any questions in return. I explained that if she wanted to get to know me then she'd have to meet. So I kind of forced the issue. Experience had already taught me that I should never waste time on expensive time consuming emails because some people want to be pen pals and live in a fantasy world.


I met her.

The pub was in her locality whereas I drove 30 mins to get there. She arrived late. She didn't appolgise for being late and even took her time getting out of her car while I waited in the rain. She didn't even say hello.

She then had a face on her like it had been slapped - this expression did not change. She was significantly larger than her photos.

We went into the pub. She sat down and talked to me for 90 minutes with her arms folded. Occasionally she'd laugh/smile about something - it would last about 5 seconds then return to miserable facial expression.

When the drinks ran out I went to the bar because I gave up waiting for her to offer.

I even went to the toilet (washroom) even though I didn't need to in order to get away from her.

Conversation was such hard work it was like pulling teeth out.

It felt like she made no effort.


I would assume desperation if I read emails that go into essays.

I don't want to spend hours emailing when that time can be spent in someone's company in a pub - therefore if someone want to email like that, I find it completely unattractive and at the least a sign of someone who isn't a competent dater.


If anyone is emailing me all I need to know is

a) a clear interest in meeting rather than penpal-ing
b) her mobile number so we can text

Texting is then the priority ie. moving away from emailing asap - if that doesn't happen ie. phone number not provided then I reduce emailing to 1 or 2 lines and minimum effort and close the person after a week or 2.

Once texting has reached I then assess from texting if the person appears to be normal if so then arrange to meet asap.

As most people turn out to be nothing like their profile photo or aren't suitable - I will not invest time in emailing. Investment comes once I know it's a worthwhile person to invest in - that can only be evaluated when you meet them - not via email interviews!
Last edited by SteveManchesterEngland; January 1,2011 at 9:00am.
 
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