Profile review, please - Male 36


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cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #1  December 27,2010, 6:30am
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I went on "hiatus" from eH about three weeks ago because I was frankly getting frustrated with not having gone out on any dates since joining in May and I didn't see the sense in adding to holiday stress. But I have no intentions of letting them have a "freebie" from me for much longer. So before I allow eH to start sending me matches again, I thought I'd see if my profile could use some improvement. Here goes:

wrote :
The one thing I am most passionate about:
I love to travel because it lets me see new places and have new adventures. I've driven cross-country five times and have seen many national parks, and it's all given me a greater appreciation for life and how much there is to see and experience. Traveling also gives me a chance to take pictures which is something else I love to do.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
An intelligent woman with a good sense of humor who wants to give her personal life as much passion as she gives to her career.

Basic Information
Occupation: Computer hardware engineer
Age: 36
Height: 5' 6"
Wants Kids: Maybe
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks: A few times a year
Smokes: Never

The most influential person in my life has been:
I'd have to say it was my younger sister. It was just the two of us in our family aside from our parents. Although we both had friends, we still spent a lot of time together while growing up and hardly ever fought. Our personalities are total opposites, but I think we still get along despite that because we've both learned from each other's differences. We trust & respect each other, and we both know we can count on the other one for anything.

The three things which I am most thankful for:
• Family & friends - They've always been there for me.
• Career - That I was able to find something that I enjoy doing, am good at doing, and am respected.
• Home - I'm happy that I have a nice, cozy little place of my own and am proud of.

Three of my best life-skills are:
• Achieving personal goals
• Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
• Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

The first thing people notice about me:
That I'm shy, but I open up more once I start to get comfortable with someone.

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
How passionate I am about life, and particularly about certain things and subjects. I'm deep, sincere, and can also have fun, but I'm afraid shyness doesn't help make these things obvious to others.

The things I can't live without are:
• Family & close friends
• My computer
• A good pasta meal
• Freedom to jump in my car and drive "wherever"
• Something to read before going to sleep

I typically spend my leisure time:
Movies (either at home or in theatres), reading, photography (whenever I have the chance to take pictures), and just spending time with family & friends. I also like to take day trips in the car when the weather is nice - I love to drive and just see new places or enjoy scenic routes - they don't necessarily have to be hundreds or thousands of miles away for me to enjoy them.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I just finished reading "Lucky Man" which is Michael J. Fox's autobiography. It amazed me how he turned his diagnosis of having Parkinson's Disease into a positive thing and saw it as a turning point that changed his life for the better. I also admired how dedicated he is to his wife and children; they clearly come first and he doesn't use his family to promote his career like some actors do. He was very open about himself without being self-serving. And all of the profits from the book are going to Parkinson's research. I admire and respect him more now.

Some additional information I want you to know:
I'm looking to grow into a relationship. I would like a relationship with someone that can be my companion, friend, and hopefully something more. I also want someone who is going to like me for who I am.

My friends describe me as:
• Dependable
• Thoughtful
• Generous
• Hard Working


Thanks for taking the time to read,
cbm64
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  December 27,2010, 8:25am
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Hi cbm64 -- I wouldn't change anything in your profile; you did a great job. It's informational, it's engaging, it's well-written, and it gives a strong sense of who you are (assuming it's accurate).

If EH did not work well for you so far, I'd look at things other than your profile that might be problematic.

Photos -- good?
Contact -- do you contact a high % of your matches?
Matches -- do you think the matches you receive are good matches for you? (tweak your preferences if not)
Timeliness -- do you respond to matches within a reasonable time?
Taking it into real-life -- do you get bogged down in OC/email/phone or do you move it to meeting?

Anything else you think might be a problem?

This forum "Using EHarmony" has a lot of good info on how to make EH work better for you -- peruse! Good luck.
 
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SkinsGiants_fan is offline SkinsGiants_fan Post #3  December 27,2010, 8:49am
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This is a really good, detailed, thoughtful profile. I offer a few nit-picks below. Also, I agree with Sassafras - make sure you offer up photos that allow your matches to see what you actually look like. Do not take a photo of yourself in the dark with your cell phone.
cbm64 wrote :

The one thing I am most passionate about:
I love to travel because it lets me see new places and have new adventures. I've driven cross-country five times and have seen many national parks, and it's all given me a greater appreciation for life and how much there is to see and experience. Traveling also gives me a chance to take pictures which is something else I love to do.
I like this answer, but can you offer a specific example of a place to which you traveled? Might just add a bit of spice to this answer.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
An intelligent woman with a good sense of humor who wants to give her personal life as much passion as she gives to her career.

Basic Information
Occupation: Computer hardware engineer
Age: 36
Height: 5' 6"
Wants Kids: Maybe
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks: A few times a year
Smokes: Never

The most influential person in my life has been:
I'd have to say it was my younger sister. It was just the two of us in our family aside from our parents. Although we both had friends, we still spent a lot of time together while growing up and hardly ever fought. Our personalities are total opposites, but I think we still get along despite that because we've both learned from each other's differences. We trust & respect each other, and we both know we can count on the other one for anything.
Can you specify something specific about her that you learned from her?

The three things which I am most thankful for:
• Family & friends - They've always been there for me.
• Career - That I was able to find something that I enjoy doing, am good at doing, and am respected.
• Home - I'm happy that I have a nice, cozy little place of my own and am proud of.

Three of my best life-skills are:
• Achieving personal goals
• Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
• Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

The first thing people notice about me:
That I'm shy, but I open up more once I start to get comfortable with someone.

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
How passionate I am about life, and particularly about certain things and subjects. I'm deep, sincere, and can also have fun, but I'm afraid shyness doesn't help make these things obvious to others.

The things I can't live without are:
• Family & close friends
• My computer
• A good pasta meal
• Freedom to jump in my car and drive "wherever" Could be a turn-off. Women might re-read your "maybe" on kids as a "no" - after all, if you have kids you won't be able to jump in your car and drive wherever. Actually, if you enter into a committed relationship you won't be able to jump in your car and drive wherever. Just something to think about.
• Something to read before going to sleep

 I typically spend my leisure time:
Movies (either at home or in theatres), reading, photography (whenever I have the chance to take pictures), and just spending time with family & friends. I also like to take day trips in the car when the weather is nice - I love to drive and just see new places or enjoy scenic routes - they don't necessarily have to be hundreds or thousands of miles away for me to enjoy them.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I just finished reading "Lucky Man" which is Michael J. Fox's autobiography. It amazed me how he turned his diagnosis of having Parkinson's Disease into a positive thing and saw it as a turning point that changed his life for the better. I also admired how dedicated he is to his wife and children; they clearly come first and he doesn't use his family to promote his career like some actors do. He was very open about himself without being self-serving. And all of the profits from the book are going to Parkinson's research. I admire and respect him more now.

Some additional information I want you to know:
I'm looking to grow into a relationship. I would like a relationship with someone that can be my companion, friend, and hopefully something more. I also want someone who is going to like me for who I am.
"someone who [not that] can be my companion"
My friends describe me as:
• Dependable
• Thoughtful
• Generous
• Hard Working
 
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justwendy is offline justwendy Post #4  December 29,2010, 11:56pm
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The one thing I am most passionate about:
I love to travel because it lets me see new places and have new adventures. I've driven cross-country five times and have seen many national parks, and it's all given me a greater appreciation for life and how much there is to see and experience. Traveling also gives me a chance to take pictures which is something else I love to do.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
An intelligent woman with a good sense of humor who wants to give her personal life as much passion as she gives to her career.
It sounds like you are looking for someone who has allowed their career to take over their life.

 Basic Information
Occupation: Computer hardware engineer
Age: 36
Height: 5' 6"
Wants Kids: Maybe
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks: A few times a year
Smokes: Never

The most influential person in my life has been:
I'd have to say it was my younger sister. It was just the two of us in our family aside from our parents. Although we both had friends, we still spent a lot of time together while growing up and hardly ever fought. Our personalities are total opposites, but I think we still get along despite that because we've both learned from each other's differences. We trust & respect each other, and we both know we can count on the other one for anything.
How much younger? Do you have a specific example? Maybe something that will pull at our heart strings.

The three things which I am most thankful for:
• Family & friends - They've always been there for me.
• Career - That I was able to find something that I enjoy doing, am good at doing, and am respected.
• Home - I'm happy that I have a nice, cozy little place of my own and am proud of.
I like your "home" answer. It sounds like you are a stable guy.

Three of my best life-skills are:
• Achieving personal goals
• Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
• Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

The first thing people notice about me:
That I'm shy, but I open up more once I start to get comfortable with someone.
I have read this answer in a lot of people's profiles. Is there something else that stands out about you?

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
How passionate I am about life, and particularly about certain things and subjects. I'm deep, sincere, and can also have fun, but I'm afraid shyness doesn't help make these things obvious to others.
What "certain things and subjects" are you passionate about? This can be intimidating because it makes me think that you are going to try and engage me in a one sided debate.

The things I can't live without are:
• Family & close friends
• My computer
• A good pasta meal
• Freedom to jump in my car and drive "wherever"
• Something to read before going to sleep

I typically spend my leisure time:
Movies (either at home or in theatres), reading, photography (whenever I have the chance to take pictures), and just spending time with family & friends. I also like to take day trips in the car when the weather is nice - I love to drive and just see new places or enjoy scenic routes - they don't necessarily have to be hundreds or thousands of miles away for me to enjoy them.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I just finished reading "Lucky Man" which is Michael J. Fox's autobiography. It amazed me how he turned his diagnosis of having Parkinson's Disease into a positive thing and saw it as a turning point that changed his life for the better. I also admired how dedicated he is to his wife and children; they clearly come first and he doesn't use his family to promote his career like some actors do. He was very open about himself without being self-serving. And all of the profits from the book are going to Parkinson's research. I admire and respect him more now.

Some additional information I want you to know:
I'm looking to grow into a relationship. I would like a relationship with someone that can be my companion, friend, and hopefully something more. I also want someone who is going to like me for who I am.

My friends describe me as:
• Dependable
• Thoughtful
• Generous
• Hard Working
 
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cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #5  January 2,2011, 4:31pm
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The other South Jersey without the oil refineries and the New Yawk-ish accent.

Posts: 18

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Sassafras54 wrote :
Hi cbm64 -- I wouldn't change anything in your profile; you did a great job. It's informational, it's engaging, it's well-written, and it gives a strong sense of who you are (assuming it's accurate).

If EH did not work well for you so far, I'd look at things other than your profile that might be problematic.

Photos -- good?
Contact -- do you contact a high % of your matches?
Matches -- do you think the matches you receive are good matches for you? (tweak your preferences if not)
Timeliness -- do you respond to matches within a reasonable time?
Taking it into real-life -- do you get bogged down in OC/email/phone or do you move it to meeting?

Anything else you think might be a problem?

This forum "Using EHarmony" has a lot of good info on how to make EH work better for you -- peruse! Good luck.
Hi Sassafras,

Thanks for taking the time to review my profile. I'll try to respond to your suggestions:

Photos - I know a couple of others who replied said that photos could be an issue - I only have two. One was taken by a friend who's a semi-pro photographer, but it's clearly posed (something my sister pointed out, though the friend and I both thought it was a good idea at the time). The other is a cell phone picture, but it's pretty good in terms of quality and it was taken by somebody else.

Contact - I'd say I had been contacting about 40%-50% of the matches I had gotten. I don't contact the women that give one-word responses to all of the questions, and I don't initiate contact with taller women (though I don't close those matches immediately, either). I realize a 5'6" man isn't what taller women generally want and I've read complaints from taller women about eH sending them matches that are shorter than they'd like. So I've been leaving that up to the match. Maybe I should stop doing this?

Matches - The quality of the matches has been fine. Nearly all have been professional women with similar interests in the age range I requested and within the distance I selected. Most of the ones I contact don't respond or close the match which I expected. But in most cases, we'd get to OC, exchange a few messages, and then nothing would come of it in the long run which is what was leading to my frustration a few weeks ago.

Timeliness - Yes, I've generally responded within a day or two to any communication.

Taking it into real-life - As I said before, this has been a problem. I've had no dates coming out of my experience with eHarmony and no phone conversations. I had posted here (Never getting past eHarmony mail) about 5-6 weeks ago about this issue, and I kind of got the sense I was moving too slow when I got to OC; one said I was giving the impression that I was just looking for a pen-pal which is certainly not the case.

Not really sure what else I might be doing wrong which is why I decided to ask for a profile review, but your response and the other responses have given me some food for thought.
Last edited by cbm64; January 2,2011 at 4:32pm. Reason: Added link to my previous thread
 
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heartinspacexo is offline heartinspacexo Post #6  January 2,2011, 4:51pm
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I think it's pretty good but make up your mind on children! Cut some of the shy stuff out or think of another way to say it.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  January 2,2011, 5:05pm

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Hi Cbm64,

As some others have said, I think that for the most part your profile really shines. I would agree with Justwendy’s feedback on your answers that mentioned your at-first shyness. It’s true that it’s a common answer. But the good thing about it being a common answer is that it’s kind of universal, and not really something you need to defend. Most people hold back before they really get to know people. Personally, I think you can keep the first part of the “what’s something you wish people knew about you” (and exclude the part about shyness). And then find a really positive quality that’s apparent when meeting you (other than shyness).

Sassafras54’s ideas were really astute, too. From reading your responses to her post, it kind of strikes me that you could use more photos. Two is good, but since you said they are both posed (which isn’t necessarily bad), you might add some more that depict you in some settings and activities you enjoy. The idea is to convey you realistically, but also to give your matches a visual story of what a great catch you are.

As for speeding up the in-person meeting, I personally think that could differ on a match by match basis. If you’re both willing to meet soon after one or two exchanges in eHarmony Mail, then by all means move forward into a phone call or in person meeting. But if your match wants to get to know you a little better before meeting, you may want to consider your interest level and willingness to exchange messages for a while until she’s ready to meet in person or talk on the phone. But I don’t see anything wrong with suggesting it.

Good luck and please keep us posted. I hope your New Year gets off to a great start beyond eHarmony Mail.

~Kate
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cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #8  January 2,2011, 5:35pm
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Thank you to Sassafras54, SkinsGiants_fan, and justwendy for your feedback. Here's a draft of how I'm thinking about rewording my profile. If anyone has a chance, please let me know what you think.

The one thing I am most passionate about:
I love to travel because it lets me see new places and have new adventures. I've driven cross-country five times and have seen many national parks, and it's all given me a greater appreciation for life and how much there is to see and experience. I've seen the beautiful Yellowstone National Park and all the natural wonders it has to offer (there are few, if any, other places like it in the world). I've also seen one of the few temperate rain forests in the world at Olympic National Park. And I've also been to San Francisco and saw the color and culture that make it such a unique and fun place to visit. Driving to these places has given me a better sense of how diverse and how beautiful our country is, and how much it has to offer.

Traveling also gives me a chance to take pictures which is something else I love to do.
The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
An intelligent woman with a good sense of humor. Someone who is satisfied with her career, but who is most passionate about her personal life and how she spends her free time.

Basic Information
Occupation: Computer hardware engineer
Age: 36
Height: 5' 6"
Wants Kids: Maybe
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity: White, non-Hispanic
Religion: Spiritual, but not religious
Drinks: A few times a year
Smokes: Never
The most influential person in my life has been:
I'd have to say it was my sister who is four years younger than I. It was just the two of us in our family aside from our parents. Although we both had friends, we still spent a lot of time together while growing up and hardly ever fought. Our personalities are total opposites, but I think we still get along despite that because we've both learned from each other's differences. We trust & respect each other, and we both know we can count on the other one for anything.

I'm afraid I can't give a specific example without violating her privacy. It's the sort of thing that I don't want to reveal until I get to know someone a little better and learn about their views since this isn't always obvious from reading someone's profile.

The three things which I am most thankful for:
  • Family & friends - They've always been there for me.
  • Career - That I was able to find something that I enjoy doing, am good at doing, and am respected.
  • Home - I'm happy that I have a nice, cozy little place of my own and am proud of.
(Thanks, justwendy, for the compliment about my "home" comments)

Three of my best life-skills are:
• Achieving personal goals
• Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
• Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things
The first thing people notice about me:
That I'm intelligent and articulate. I might not say all that much at first until I get comfortable with someone, but I don't "say nothing."

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
How passionate I am about life, and particularly about certain things and subjects (without being intolerant of other people's views). I'm deep, sincere, and can also have fun, but I'm afraid shyness doesn't help make these things obvious to others.
I added this to try to make it seem less intimidating. Whenever I tried to elaborate, it just came out awkward. I'm not an extremist, though.

The things I can't live without are:
  • Family & close friends
  • My computer
  • A good pasta meal
  • Something to read before going to sleep
  • My pet budgies (parakeets)

I originally had mentioned "My pets," then a friend suggested changing it to "Freedom to jump in my car and drive wherever." I know most guys probably have dog(s), but I've had parakeets for 12 years since my landlords before I became a homeowner didn't allow furry pets.

I typically spend my leisure time:
Movies (either at home or in theatres), reading, photography (whenever I have the chance to take pictures), and just spending time with family & friends. I also like to take day trips in the car when the weather is nice - I love to drive and just see new places or enjoy scenic routes - they don't necessarily have to be hundreds or thousands of miles away for me to enjoy them.

The last book I read and enjoyed:
I just finished reading "Lucky Man" which is Michael J. Fox's autobiography. It amazed me how he turned his diagnosis of having Parkinson's Disease into a positive thing and saw it as a turning point that changed his life for the better. I also admired how dedicated he is to his wife and children; they clearly come first and he doesn't use his family to promote his career like some actors do. He was very open about himself without being self-serving. And all of the profits from the book are going to Parkinson's research. I admire and respect him more now.

Some additional information I want you to know:
I'm looking to grow into a relationship. I would like a relationship with someone who can be my companion, friend, and hopefully something more. I also want someone who is going to like me for who I am.

Fixed the grammatical error - thanks SkinsGiants_fan.

My friends describe me as:
• Dependable
• Thoughtful
• Generous
• Hard Working
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  January 2,2011, 6:16pm
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I think it looks good. I'd still tone the shyness down a bit more though. The idea that you don't say much would make me worry that a first date with you could have a lot of awkward silences or that I'd have to do all the talking. I'd personally not talk about it at all.

Otherwise I agree with the other comments. I would work on adding more photos and being more proactive about moving things into the real world. Your profile sounds quite good and my guess is it's probably not the issue so I would spend less time focusing on that and more on the other things that have been mentioned.

I also think there is value in trying other sites as well. Just because one hasn't worked well for you in the past doesn't mean you couldn't have success on another. I've heard from a lot of people who have had zero luck on one particular site, but have been very successful on another.
 
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SkinsGiants_fan is offline SkinsGiants_fan Post #10  January 2,2011, 6:44pm
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This looks quite good to me. Love the parakeets. It's interesting and cool and will give your matches a hook for conversation starters.

Regarding height - I would initiate GC with any woman who interests you. I wouldn't shy away from initiating with taller women just because you think they won't be interested in you. Some won't, but some will - nothing ventured, nothing gained. (Of course, if you would rather date shorter women, then no prob - I'm just reacting to a comment you made upthead.)
 
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