sck is offline sck Post #1  November 4,2010, 8:00pm
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Just wanting to get some feedback/opinions on the percentage of men on Eharmony that are actually married (and I don't mean in the divorce process, I mean married with no intention of divorce).

I have definitely experienced this on other dating sites. The signs appear to be obvious. Calls/texts mainly only during work hours. Not answering cell in the evening. Occassional super quick phone conversations from the car on the way "somewhere." Discussions about getting together, but it never materializes.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no idiot, but I would hate to accuse a man on Eharmony of being married if he's not, but when these types of things happen what's a girl to think?

Ideas?
 
 
VolGal is offline VolGal Post #2  November 4,2010, 8:14pm
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I am a divorce attorney. I got matched in September with a guy who came to see me in October for a divorce.

Sad thing is...he apparently never connected my first name from the eHa site, my photo, and the person he saw in the flesh.

I went back just to check ... and it was him!

My secretary and I just laughed. And I closed him immediately. That's a no-no on ethics in my line of work.

So, yes, it does happen. I don't know that I have had the furtive behavior that you describe, however.

And no, I don't report it, either. They have enough problems as it is...
 
 
liquid_steel is offline liquid_steel Post #3  November 4,2010, 8:24pm

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I don't know that I would rely on that as evidence that the men are married. I think we can read too much into things such as "phone calls only during the work day." Many self-employed people (like myself) arrange work schedules according to work load, not an employer's 9-5 schedule. We make personal phone calls in between client appointments because we may be working that evening to meet a client deadline (our schedules are much more flexible).

However, it is true that there are married men (and men who are separated) on Eharmony. How do I know? Married/separated men have said so! I'd call that a bit more convincing evidence.

I DO know that if a man or woman filling out the initial questionaire clicks on "married" or "separated" then Eharmony sends them a message saying that they cannot match them with anyone at this time. I've spoken with men who were rejected from Eharmony who have told me this.

I don't know if Eharmony does either a criminal or marital background check on members, but that's a good question to ask!
 
 
pammersw is offline pammersw Post #4  November 4,2010, 8:34pm
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liquid_steel wrote :
I don't know if Eharmony does either a criminal or marital background check on members, but that's a good question to ask!
No, they do not do any sort of check. The rely ID just verifies publicly-available information that anyone with knowledge of you or a copy of your credit report would know (name, birthdate, address, former addresses). They state in the fine print that they do not verify things like criminal records or marital status.
 
 
1Horselady is online now 1Horselady Post #5  November 4,2010, 9:01pm
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I haven' t noticed it on this site eHA( no longer belong to eH ), but on another dating site, POF, some men saying they are single are still wearing their wedding rings in the photos they upload. They think we're blind? I would certainly look for tan lines where a wedding band once was, but the best way is to see the divorce papers in black and white. And if unsure, it's better to err on the side of caution.

If a guy has odd hours that he can visit-red flag. He can't take you to a very public place-red flag. Phone calls that either aren't returned, or are hours later-red flag. A woman answers the phone- red flag. No time to talk-red flag. He's always busy-red flag. Or if kids answer the phone-red flag. ( I know kids are normal, but there is usually one or both parents involved in rearing them- so mom has to be somewhere- especially if kids are young )

I don't knowingly date married men. I was fooled once. They rarely if ever leave their wives for the " other'' woman. These are only the easiest signs to look for. Don't waste any of your valuable time on them, they're just not worth the effort. All you'll get is old and heartbroken.


Suzie PS. I do wish they came with BEWARE signs however.
 
 
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  November 4,2010, 10:03pm
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Vol. funny thing, your story. But, he WAS coming in for a divorce attorney.

I've rarely ran into men who are already taken, on eH that is. I run into them much more often from other dating sites.
 
 
Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #7  November 5,2010, 7:02am
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Same symptoms for married / living with someone women.
That's why many people insist on meeting in person.

It is smart to avoid texting, emailing too much. Anyone can do that from anywhere.

Being available when you call and to meet are better signs.


sck wrote :
I have definitely experienced this on other dating sites. The signs appear to be obvious. Calls/texts mainly only during work hours. Not answering cell in the evening. Occassional super quick phone conversations from the car on the way "somewhere." Discussions about getting together, but it never materializes.
 
 
Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #8  November 5,2010, 7:07am
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No they do not and state so. They take your word for it and the only thing they verify is your payment method.

It's all at your own risk, just as most sites or in real life.

liquid_steel wrote :
I don't know if Eharmony does either a criminal or marital background check on members, but that's a good question to ask!
 
 
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #9  November 5,2010, 7:25am
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I have had three married matches on EH that confessed, either in GC, OC or once on the first date! Those are just the three I know about. I have never assumed someone was married, or snooped around to find out, it always came up in conversation or in response to questions -
"Actually I have not been dating that much, or at all, really, because I am not divorced yet", for example.
 
 
ScottK is offline ScottK Post #10  November 5,2010, 8:51am
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To the OP:

It is against the rules and TOS of eHarmony for any current member to be married and/or separated.

Per the TOS:

Marital Status. By requesting to use, registering to use, or using the Singles Service, you represent and warrant that you are not married. If you are separated, but not yet legally divorced, you may not request to use, register to use, or use the Singles Service.

Just to further explain it, the FAQ offers:

Why don't you accept separated members?



When we created eHarmony, we spent a lot of time asking people what they wanted from a matching service that emphasizes serious long-term relationships. We consistently and overwhelmingly heard that singles expected their matches to be completely free of prior relationship commitments. Because of that, eHarmony only offers service to people who have never been married, or who are divorced or widowed.
If you are currently separated and your divorce is pending, we apologize, but we cannot provide you with an eHarmony membership at this time. Once your divorce is finalized, please contact us through the link below and include the following information:
1. The county and state of your divorce proceedings
2. The name of the judge
3. The date your divorce was finalized
Once we have this information, we can reset your Relationship Questionnaire and offer you an eHarmony membership.
 
 
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