FairOne is offline FairOne Post #1  November 4,2010, 9:36am
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So I'm not a big complainer but I have to say my biggest complaint about eHarmony is around the Children question. A straightforward 'Do you have children?' question, with a Yes or No answer would be SO helpful.
It seems like such a basic question, and I know I'm not the only person that makes dating determinations based on this information, so if any eharmony product development people are listening I think it would be wonderful if you guys could do something to clarify this issue.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #2  November 4,2010, 9:45am
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Don't they have that already?

I think it's worded as "Kids at Home?" with the option of Yes or No. And during the initial questionnaire it's worded as "Do you have children, under the age of 18, living with you at home?"

In many cases, you will find that if it's more complicated than that, people tend to mention it in their profiles... Like the ever so common situation of people who DO have kids, but because of a divorce/separation their kids don't live with them even though they "get the kids" a couple nights a week
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #3  November 4,2010, 9:59am
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Harryoss,
I don't think it's as clear-cut as it should be. As you point out, 'Kids at home' does not cover the common situation of actually having children, but only getting them on weekends or every other week. As a person who strongly prefers to date men without children, I just want to know if they exist or not, I'm not so concerned about custody arrangements ;-)
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #4  November 4,2010, 10:01am
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FairOne wrote :
So I'm not a big complainer but I have to say my biggest complaint about eHarmony is around the Children question. A straightforward 'Do you have children?' question, with a Yes or No answer would be SO helpful.
It seems like such a basic question, and I know I'm not the only person that makes dating determinations based on this information, so if any eharmony product development people are listening I think it would be wonderful if you guys could do something to clarify this issue.
I definitely understand your reasonings for requesting a straightforward answer. You might not want to date someone with kids or vice versa not to mention might not want to start communication with someone who may or may not have children.

But, like the weight issue, I would think that many people, especially those without children, would prefer to communicate with people who also do not have children. I am one of those people. lol So, yeah, it would certainly make it easier for me to close out profiles or skip profiles which states that children are involved(young or grown).

However, I do understand why eH has worded the question in a manner which will give everyone an opportunity to find someone especially considering that people's circumstances is much more complicated that it has been in years past.

Best remedy is to change your profile settings to which you are not matched with people who have children at home(which in your case doesn't help much for men with children usually don't have children at home) and simply take a chance and ask someone if they have kids or not. Or if you prefer to date someone with kids at home and not wish to be matched with someone without kids, then click on the appropriate choice.

In all, you simply have to take a chance and find out if a match has children/no children or simply state in your profile that you are either seeking someone with children or not seeking someone with children. Maybe this approach will have matches eliminate themselves. It may be a lil of an inconvenience, but what can you do?

B.Y.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  November 4,2010, 11:18am
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Since the question says "full-time at home" this can be viewed many ways. So, I have my son 86% of the time. He sees his father every other weekend. Does this mean my son is NOT with me full-time? I think he is, so I say that I have him full-time.

I agree this question needs to be redone and simplified. I don't care if my potential date has kids or not, but if it is an issue for others it should be easier to answer this question.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  November 4,2010, 11:29am
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FairOne wrote :
So I'm not a big complainer but I have to say my biggest complaint about eHarmony is around the Children question. A straightforward 'Do you have children?' question, with a Yes or No answer would be SO helpful.
It seems like such a basic question, and I know I'm not the only person that makes dating determinations based on this information, so if any eharmony product development people are listening I think it would be wonderful if you guys could do something to clarify this issue.

This is actually a complicated question.....

Do you have children
Would you want to have children are the current question..


The problem is that some there is a big difference between someone who has toddlers vs teenagers??

What about if they are college age or old and have moved out? Do they still have children???

what about joint custody where the parents alternate with one week one parent has the child and another week the other one does?

What about those who either dont want children themselves or cant...but are open to people who have children already?

What about those that cant have children(medical or age) but are interested in adopting children?
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #7  November 4,2010, 11:36am
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B.Y., I hear ya. Good suggestions and I do try those things. I currently mention my preference in my profile and I scan the profiles I receive for mention of children. I also will typically bring it up in OC if the answer is not clear based on the profile.
I was just looking at a profile today of a guy that seemed interesting and then I got to the part where he mentioned his son. I just thought 'I wish I could just filter some things out from the beginning'. I'm sure I'm not the only one to have this thought, especially about something so basic, so it prompted my post. Agreed that on the scale of bummers this isn't the biggest, but I do think it's an unnecessary annoyance.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #8  November 4,2010, 11:38am
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ami1uwant wrote :
This is actually a complicated question.....

Do you have children
Would you want to have children are the current question..


The problem is that some there is a big difference between someone who has toddlers vs teenagers??

What about if they are college age or old and have moved out? Do they still have children???

what about joint custody where the parents alternate with one week one parent has the child and another week the other one does?

What about those who either dont want children themselves or cant...but are open to people who have children already?

What about those that cant have children(medical or age) but are interested in adopting children?
I may be wrong, but from the tone of the OP's thread, she is asking for eH to simplify the children question. Also, I get a sense that she is looking for men who don't have children, but is constantly being matched with men who do have children, but due to eH's children question, the men are accurately answering the question, which is no children living at home.

So, if the question is simplified, to state whether a person has a child or not, it would make it easier for her to either not be matched with said men or to simply close out profiles of those who have children.

B.Y.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #9  November 4,2010, 11:41am
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amI1uwant,
For some folks, like me, whether the child is a toddler or teenager really makes no difference. Adding some nuance about whether the kids are in the home are not is fine with me, but I'd rather see it done only after the very basic question of 'do you have children, yes or no' is answered. I think that would serve folks like me, and folks that don't mind matches with children (or prefer matches with children) but are curious about custody arrangements, level of dependence, and such.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #10  November 4,2010, 11:42am
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Andielsme and BY- yep, that's exactly it.
 
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