caligarisdesk is offline caligarisdesk Post #1  November 3,2010, 9:48pm
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Ok, so far I've had a big zero for replies. I want to see how far I should go before giving up. Can anyone tell me what kind of success you are finding for messaging? How many matches have you messaged? How many have replied back.

Here's how I'm doing:
24 messaged, awaiting reply

41 closed:
26 closed by me
15 closed by her

3 not yet messaged

I'm relatively new so I would assume that these numbers are fairly old. I just want to figure out what kind of success rate I should be expecting and see if my profile is weak or if I should just give up on online dating like the majority of men who join these sites.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #2  November 4,2010, 9:33am
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caligarisdesk wrote :
Ok, so far I've had a big zero for replies. I want to see how far I should go before giving up. Can anyone tell me what kind of success you are finding for messaging? How many matches have you messaged? How many have replied back.

Here's how I'm doing:
24 messaged, awaiting reply

41 closed:
26 closed by me
15 closed by her

3 not yet messaged

I'm relatively new so I would assume that these numbers are fairly old. I just want to figure out what kind of success rate I should be expecting and see if my profile is weak or if I should just give up on online dating like the majority of men who join these sites.
You should definitely NOT give up, and these numbers are completely normal.

However, realize that the 24 you've messaged with no reply yet... will probably not reply at all. It's a number's game really. I currently have well over 100 matches messaged with no reply... just as many closed by me and just as many closed by them, and I've only ever communicated with a grand total of like 10 matches at most (and not all of that ended up with a meet, btw).

Don't get discouraged, but realize that you're rarely looking at success within a week or 2. Keep at it, post your profile for review if you're unsure about it, and do NOT be too picky in your choices. The more options you explore, the more chances you get for success.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #3  November 4,2010, 1:53pm
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On a grand scheme of things for me, given that this is my third time i've been on EH.

I have about 1500 matches total. Dates, i may have had about 30. Relationships, I've had 4.

4 out of 1500 is pretty low, but as many people have said, it just takes 1. 4 relationships, including my current one. If you look at it from that viewpoint, I came out with a relationship each time i signed onto EH. This time, I had a relationship that did end abruptly. Was able to come back within the same membership span and met my current one now.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #4  November 4,2010, 3:07pm

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Hi caligarisdesk,

Welcome to our Singles and Advice sites!

I certainly understand your curiosity, but this rate will vary widely from one member to the next depending on many factors.

But I'm glad that you reached out for support, and I second ALL of Harryoss's advice and hope you will ask for a profile review. Reviews have helped other members and will ensure that your profile is representing you as well as possible! Click here for instructions: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...tructions.html

Also, I encourage you to be patient awaiting responses from your matches. The success of some of our couples was due to one match being very patient waiting for a response from a match they were really interested in. Our rule of thumb is to give your match a week to respond. Then send a Nudge, then give them another week. After two weeks, you can decide if you want to give them more time or close the match and move on to newer matches.

Dafearon's experience is a great example of how perseverance can pay off. Of course, each member needs to make up their mind how long they wish to search for their soul mate on eHarmony. But however long you choose, we are here to provide encouragment to help you stay positve and tips to support your success.

Please let us know if you do decide to get the review and how it goes.

All the best with your search.

Renee
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caligarisdesk is offline caligarisdesk Post #5  November 4,2010, 5:08pm
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Thanks for the advice. I've definitely posted my profile for review.

True, I know that these sites are just playing the law of large numbers. Unfortunately, EH does seem a bit low. On a free site, I had a about a 10-15% response rate. Of those who did respond, nothing came of the conversation. They simply stopped writing. With EH, I do expect some better returns, as I am paying a decent amount for a three month subscription.

The way I see it, I could spend the same amount of money for a photo shoot and post the pictures on the free site.

I suspect that the communication model--where you don't start with a personal message (e-mail)--is causing this low turnout. It just seems too easy to click "send questions."

Now, the only value I see in EH is the fact that there might be a higher possibility of a relationships from the matches. This will not happen if nobody responds. My plan is to not renew the subscription if I continue to get 0 response. After all, I would think that a 1/50 response rate is reasonable (just response, not relationship), but a 0/450 is not. 450 is my estimate for number of matches over a 3 month period.
 
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frogprince is offline frogprince Post #6  November 4,2010, 7:33pm
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My advice to anyone considering joining eharmony would be to create a profile but don't pay to activate it for a couple months. Then pay for a month and send out all your questions over a weekend.

I had stayed off the site for a couple months allowing the matches to build up while I was dating someone. In my absence I got three set of questions which I had no desire to respond to.

Came on last Friday and Saturday sent out about 60 sets of questions. Closed by about 20. 7 replied. 4 are in open communication now. I am really hopeful that one who I just sent the phase 3 questions responds.

4 months ago doing slightly less sends outs I communicated to at least phase 3 with 7 women. Two of whom started communication. 4 to open communication. 3 I dated at least twice. 1 canceled at the last moment.

I felt I got closed by a lot of women because I have long hair and figured a lot of women don't like that. But it appears that a lot of guys have hard luck.
 
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RedApple is offline RedApple Post #7  November 4,2010, 8:59pm
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I also started like you, and so please allow me give you a hint that will hopefully help: If you keep track of everything, count who closes whom etc, then you are spending way too much time, thought and worry on eH. It's nothing more than a tool for chance encounters, just like going to the supermarket or bookstore. You would not stop doing that either, because you haven't met somebody during the last 41 trips?

So here is what to do: Visit eH now and then for a few minutes, at most once a day, look at each of your new matches for 10 seconds (just like in real life), then send a message to those you like. That takes a couple clicks and 2 seconds. Archive the rest.

Then don't worry about it and don't think about it. Now and then you WILL get a reply, just be patient. If you do, it's time to actually read the profile and decide if that's somebody you'd like to get to know better. Then you go from there. That's all there is to it.
Last edited by RedApple; November 4,2010 at 9:02pm.
 
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