Irritated with "busy" match before first date


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beebee111 is offline beebee111 Post #1  November 3,2010, 5:02pm
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I am set to meet a match for coffee soon but I admit I'm a little irritated with the guy already and we haven't met.
He seems great and we have a lot in common but he's always stressing how "busy" he is.
Now I am also a very busy person. I actually don't have a problem with him being busy as it is less pressure on me to immediately devote a ton of time to someone I barely know.
I'm just irritated that it comes up so often. Initially we e-mailed daily. Once we set a date, I no longer felt the need to do so. He has gone a couple days without responding & I have too. It's not a problem until he starts apologizing and mentioning how he hasn't been in touch because he's so busy. He even apologizes when it's I who haven't e-mailed back for a while.
Perhaps he's just being nice and it's my PMS . . . .
Please let me know - Do you feel irritated by people who keep talking about how "busy" they are?
At this point I'm going into the date with low expectations.
 
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jms974 is offline jms974 Post #2  November 3,2010, 5:06pm
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I believe that if someone is really into you, they will make the time for you, no matter how busy they are or claim to be. So my advice would be to meet up with him and see how things go after that. I think you'll get your answer. Good luck and have fun!
 
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CreativeNan is offline CreativeNan Post #3  November 3,2010, 5:13pm
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jms974 wrote :
I believe that if someone is really into you, they will make the time for you, no matter how busy they are or claim to be. So my advice would be to meet up with him and see how things go after that. I think you'll get your answer. Good luck and have fun!
I agree...
The irritation you may feel may be your red flag. See how the first meeting goes. If you still feel irritated you will have your answer.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  November 3,2010, 5:13pm
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It might be a reflex or habit response, due to most of his matches / partners being more available?

Another possibility is a degree of absentmindedness.

I can see both being true of me, though I try to avoid making any apologies for it (which is unnecessary, in my experience.)

***

If the person is flaky - missing or postponing meetings - then I would probably give up on them. Otherwise, I'd meet and just set a system for communicating.
 
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heartinspacexo is offline heartinspacexo Post #5  November 3,2010, 7:38pm
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jms974 wrote :
I believe that if someone is really into you, they will make the time for you, no matter how busy they are or claim to be. So my advice would be to meet up with him and see how things go after that. I think you'll get your answer. Good luck and have fun!
Exactly. I'm going through the exact same thing right now. Maybe we got the same match!
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #6  November 4,2010, 4:58am
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It is his way of dating around ( busy) while keeping your interest up ( apologizing).
As to people who do this, I don't get irritated , I just ignore them and their communications until they want to meet and state so.

beebee111 wrote :
he's always stressing how "busy" he is.

he starts apologizing and mentioning how he hasn't been in touch because he's so busy.

Do you feel irritated by people who keep talking about how "busy" they are?
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #7  November 4,2010, 5:17am
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jms974 wrote :
I believe that if someone is really into you, they will make the time for you, no matter how busy they are or claim to be. So my advice would be to meet up with him and see how things go after that. I think you'll get your answer. Good luck and have fun!
Yeah, this.

I've also found that people who are always talking about how busy they are are just not very good at time management. I work full time, go to school full time, have a part time job, set aside a couple nights a week for friends, and still have time to date/talk on the phone/respond to emails. I never use busy as an excuse; I may not be available immediately, but I don't make anyone wait very long. I let people know when I am available and then make myself available when I said I would be.

The busiest person I know has 14 hr days 5 days a week and studies most of the weekends - she has never once blown me off in any way by claiming to be busy. She makes time because she wants to and manages her time well. (This is all based on respect for each other and understanding of what it means to have a full schedule, though...some people really don't get it and that can become an issue)
Last edited by lunabeach; November 4,2010 at 5:41am.
 
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123noname789 is offline 123noname789 Post #8  November 4,2010, 6:52am
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jms974 wrote :
I believe that if someone is really into you, they will make the time for you, no matter how busy they are or claim to be. So my advice would be to meet up with him and see how things go after that. I think you'll get your answer. Good luck and have fun!
I’ll join the chorus on this, pretty on the mark there.

This is why I want a meeting ASAP with a match, to determine my interest in them, and to see how sincere their interest is in me, before investing more time and energy on them. As has been said time and again, this is only an introduction service, it’s all academic UNTIL you meet.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #9  November 4,2010, 7:30am
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I will go left and say maybe this guy is insecure.

He knows he is trying, but feels he isn't giving you the attention he "thinks" you want.

He's probably interested, but feels you aren't and is scrambling.

Pink flag if you ask me.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #10  November 4,2010, 7:45am
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Being busy isn't irritable. It is making a ton of excuses that causes irritation. It raises concerns about someone's level of interest. I would be annoyed if someone kept apologizing, especially if they did nothing wrong. I am curious if you are actively pursuing other matches? If not, then you may consider exercising said option so that you can communicate with someone who is able to balance his time between his obligations and dating life.

B.Y.
 
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