Is it old fashion to wait for a guy to initate contact with you?


View Poll Results: Do you think women should wait to be asked out?
Yes. That way you know the Guy is into you 1 6.67%
No. Women and men are equally responsible 7 46.67%
No. You should go after what you want 7 46.67%
Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
poetictherapy83 is offline poetictherapy83 Post #1  October 27,2010, 9:43am
poetictherapy…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 3

See profile

Hello All,

I have been on EH for almost 3 weeks now and I have been "matched" with over 100 men. However NONE of them have contacted me. Sooo should I take that as a sign that no one is interested and keep waiting or should I take matters into my own hands and be the first to initiate. I have been told that who speaks up first is the more interested.

Also do all the matches they send you have the capability to email or communicate with you or is it just everyone that signs up to "review their matches for free" .

- thanks!
 
  Reply With Quote
TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  October 27,2010, 10:07am
TrekRyder10's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

In a van down by the river

Posts: 4,802

See profile

You should send your first questions to any match that catches your eye. You are paying for a service, might as well use it as intended.

Old-fashioned and the e-dating process is like oil and water. There is plenty of time to be old fashioned once you're out from behind the screen.

wrote :
I have been told that who speaks up first is the more interested.
Even when I initiate first, you are still a stranger, I have no clue if I am interested in someone based from a few pictures and some words.. I will not know if I am truly interested until we communicate- then meet IRL.

wrote :
Also do all the matches they send you have the capability to email or communicate with you or is it just everyone that signs up to "review their matches for free
Nope.. a large majority of your matches are non-paying members who can only communicate via ice-breaker unless it's a FCW (free communication weekends) Eh does not let you know who is and who isn't a paying member.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 27,2010 at 10:14am.
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  October 27,2010, 10:15am

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

poetictherapy83 wrote :
Hello All,

I have been on EH for almost 3 weeks now and I have been "matched" with over 100 men. However NONE of them have contacted me. Sooo should I take that as a sign that no one is interested and keep waiting or should I take matters into my own hands and be the first to initiate. I have been told that who speaks up first is the more interested.

Also do all the matches they send you have the capability to email or communicate with you or is it just everyone that signs up to "review their matches for free" .

- thanks!
1. I learn this from our friendly neighborhood superhero, Spiderman "With great power comes responsibilities" so, it's applicable to the word old fashion also. When you live by old fashion rules, be prepared for its expectations.

2. Some people could be non-paying members, and many would not be able to message you and many won't be able to see your pictures if they're not paying members (at least this is what I believe).

3. This is 2010, so women can also initiate conversation...hey if you like what you see, go and get it (heck, they already do this for everything else anyway lol)

4. Disclaimer to point 3: Some women initiate, then when a guy rejected it or closed them they say "See I initiate and the guy closed me out, I will not initiate ever" Wrong. When you initiate, that does not guarantee success, men live with this all the time.

That's it
 
  Reply With Quote
StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #4  October 27,2010, 10:24am
StPaulGirl's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 578

See profile

poetictherapy83 wrote :
should I take matters into my own hands and be the first to initiate
Yes.

There's plenty of time in the future for him to woo you in an old fashioned way if that's what you want. Try to think of sending first questions as smiling across a crowded room - not everyone you smile at is going to come introduce himself, and you're not obligated to date everyone who does.

I prefer to review all my matches, send first questions to those I find interesting and close the rest. That way I know that everyone I communicate with meets my minimum acceptable criteria.
 
  Reply With Quote
TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  October 27,2010, 10:38am
TrekRyder10's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

In a van down by the river

Posts: 4,802

See profile

poetictherapy83 wrote :
I have been on EH for almost 3 weeks now and I have been "matched" with over 100 men. However NONE of them have contacted me. Sooo should I take that as a sign that no one is interested!
Also you might want to consider putting your profile up for review, even with the non-paying member issue. I thinks it's strange no one has contacted you.. So there could be something in your profile that is turning away your matches..

PROFILE REVIEW INSTRUCTIONS

As well as what type of photos you have posted? Here is a good article related to photos Online Dating 101: Photos
 
  Reply With Quote
Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #6  October 27,2010, 2:11pm
Dafearon's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Maryland

Posts: 2,181

See profile

Yes. Look at it this way.

If you are sitting on a 100 matches. The guy is probably sitting on a similar number.

Now, if you were match #4, he'd notice you, but what if you're match #99? Or worse, match #599?

I have found that as we get further along in our membership, a lot of us start to get jaded. Many of us start seeing the same thing over and over and its not lack of interest, its more just blase'. There is only so much you can say in a profile that can wow a veteran with the system.

Sometimes, a sharp kick can get us going. That kick can be you initiating.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #7  October 27,2010, 2:25pm
Harryoss's Avatar

chooses his words carefully. (Most of the time!)

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Los Angeles, CA (SF Valley)

Posts: 1,176

See profile

Think of it this way... How old fashioned is online dating? So why should you act in an old fashioned way, when there's absolutely nothing old fashioned about it in the first place?

Logic and common sense solve all problems, I always say: Why are you here? To find a good match, right? So why would you not initiate contact with a good match that was delivered to you?
 
  Reply With Quote
SpecialGirl is offline SpecialGirl Post #8  October 27,2010, 7:50pm
SpecialGirl's Avatar

thrashed the tennis competition today no end

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 150

See profile

In regards online dating, NO.

But if meeting someone in the normal fashion (not online), I dont think its old fashioned at all to let a man initiate. I believe its the way it should be.

And yeah, I am completely old fashion.
 
  Reply With Quote
poetictherapy83 is offline poetictherapy83 Post #9  October 28,2010, 7:44am
poetictherapy…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 3

See profile

Thank you to everyone who weighed in on the issue. @Trekryder10 thanks for the suggestion to send in my profile for review. @specialgirl I read your thread about the men you want being distant and the ones your could do without being loyal. I completely agree with that. Thanks for commenting

- Poetic Therapy
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 28,2010, 8:35am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

TrekRyder10 wrote :
You should send your first questions to any match that catches your eye. You are paying for a service, might as well use it as intended.

Old-fashioned and the e-dating process is like oil and water. There is plenty of time to be old fashioned once you're out from behind the screen.


Even when I initiate first, you are still a stranger, I have no clue if I am interested in someone based from a few pictures and some words.. I will not know if I am truly interested until we communicate- then meet IRL.


Nope.. a large majority of your matches are non-paying members who can only communicate via ice-breaker unless it's a FCW (free communication weekends) Eh does not let you know who is and who isn't a paying member.
I agree with all of this.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« My updated profile | Using eHarmony | We're Very Sorry »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
four days no contact after a great date treeye Dating 25 June 14,2011 11:03pm
Not taking the initiative to contact matches BabyYoda Using eHarmony 24 August 28,2010 11:25am
Confused by ex who made contact TAG95 Relationships 33 August 11,2010 6:07am
how many of you wait to answer the first questions in GC if... pussinboots Using eHarmony 8 October 26,2009 9:27am
Hurry Up and Wait Shmolga Using eHarmony 11 September 27,2009 3:20am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Where's the other boot?” –  Breezy1

Join the “She stared at my feet. Is this normal?” discussion

“Exit interviews are highly recommended in many dating books and in other life strategy books. They are very effective. I think he would answer honestly to the some point. I know that is horrible and ... ” –  biking_girl

Join the “Exit interview after unsuccessful date” discussion

“And I'd also add that while a successful stable job down the road and a solid income is helpful in attracting a woman, it's no guarantee that finding love will be easy for you. I know plenty of men ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“I think if someone says they can't meet you for weeks, they are lukewarm interested. Even if he were truly busy with a project, he'd be able to drop you an email or a text here and there. I took ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Did he poof?” discussion

“ Yes, illegal aliens aren't treated as illegals. lol OP, trust your gut. A few months ago, I met a guy on match, who said his membership was expiring, and gave me his IM so we could chat. I ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“Stop humping my leg.” –  Breezy1

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion

“I thought this thread was about exercise. Positive OP though...nice to see.” –  Breezy1

Join the “It's a matter of fit” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:15pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0