BelieverinKY is offline BelieverinKY Post #1  October 27,2010, 8:22am
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I just turned 50 but look quite a bit younger. Most people think I'm 39 to 42 or so and just the other day a bartender overheard me tell someone I had just turned 50 and couldn't believe it. That happens often. Anyway, my point is not to express how lucky I feel for having been blessed with good genes.

Here's my issue. While many women my age and a few years older look good, many look like they could be my older sister. I have no desire to date a 34 year old either. I changed my match settings to 37 - 54 and for a week all my new matches were on the high end of that range, and, most looked like an older sister. I realize there are women in the range that would be good for me, but, I don't want to only get matches in the 50 - 54 range which is what seems to happen when I raise the upper age limit. I'm just not sure where to go with the settings.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #2  October 27,2010, 8:38am
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BelieverinKY wrote :
I just turned 50 but look quite a bit younger. Most people think I'm 39 to 42 or so and just the other day a bartender overheard me tell someone I had just turned 50 and couldn't believe it. That happens often. Anyway, my point is not to express how lucky I feel for having been blessed with good genes.

Here's my issue. While many women my age and a few years older look good, many look like they could be my older sister. I have no desire to date a 34 year old either. I changed my match settings to 37 - 54 and for a week all my new matches were on the high end of that range, and, most looked like an older sister. I realize there are women in the range that would be good for me, but, I don't want to only get matches in the 50 - 54 range which is what seems to happen when I raise the upper age limit. I'm just not sure where to go with the settings.
I dunno. I don't want to be judgmental here, but my take on it is: who gives a crap about how old you look? The only thing that matters is how old you are!

I mean, congratulations on looking young and all, but you do realize that eventually it's going to catch up to you, right? And you do realize that it's going to happen sooner rather than later, right?

I mean, I see no problem with you rejecting someone because you didn't find them attractive... That's perfectly fine. But the way you describe it... I dunno... you're MAKING me think your shallow, when I otherwise wouldn't have... I can't exactly put my finger on which part of your post skewed my opinion so.

In any case, I wouldn't change your age settings. Just close the matches you don't find attractive. It'll take a little longer for the other matches to get delivered to you, but not too long I'd say (Hopefully... for you... that is).
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #3  October 27,2010, 8:52am
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BelieverinKY wrote :
I just turned 50 but look quite a bit younger. Most people think I'm 39 to 42 or so and just the other day a bartender overheard me tell someone I had just turned 50 and couldn't believe it. That happens often. Anyway, my point is not to express how lucky I feel for having been blessed with good genes.

Here's my issue. While many women my age and a few years older look good, many look like they could be my older sister. I have no desire to date a 34 year old either. I changed my match settings to 37 - 54 and for a week all my new matches were on the high end of that range, and, most looked like an older sister. I realize there are women in the range that would be good for me, but, I don't want to only get matches in the 50 - 54 range which is what seems to happen when I raise the upper age limit. I'm just not sure where to go with the settings.
I dunno... I don't want to be judgmental or anything, but who gives a damn about how old you look like, it's how old you actually are that matters, no?

I mean, congratulations on looking young and all, but still... You do realize that sooner or later, age is going to catch up to you. And you do realize that this is going to be sooner rather than later, for you.

Anyways, I don't see a problem with you rejecting someone who you don't find attractive... That's perfectly fine. But still, the way you're putting things, you're MAKING me think your shallow, when I otherwise wouldn't have... I can't quite put my finger on what it is exactly from your views that's skewing my opinion so.

In any case, I wouldn't change the age setting if I were you. Just keep closing the matches that you don't find attractive. It MIGHT take longer for eHarmony to deliver matches to you that you do find attractive, but you really don't want to exclude anyone here if you're OK with dating women up to age 54 that you find attractive.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #4  October 27,2010, 8:56am
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You want to say age is less important - this will widen the gap a bit.

I really can't say whether you're shallow or not...some people just don't age well. I get matched with 28 yr olds who look older than the 33 yr olds. I'm a young looking 26 and I'm sure men make decisions based on that as well. I think widening the age a bit is a good move, esp. since you seem to want a reasonable age span (around 10 yrs wouldn't make most people blink).
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #5  October 27,2010, 9:04am
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Yes, you're being shallow. But you have every right to be whatever you want, shallow included. I don't particularly see it as a major character flaw. Set your settings at what you're comfortable with, go out with whomever you find interesting. Just don't kid yourself that you by virtue of a few people who claim to think you look younger (fyi, people, especially women, will often lie about this to be nice) you deserve the younger, prettier women more than the next guy.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  October 27,2010, 9:23am
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I think your question is basically, how can I get EH to send me matches that I find attractive. The answer to that is you can't. So in addition to EH, try using other sites like Match.com where you can actually browse available profiles and see if the women will talk to you.

Other than that, 50 is 50. Women that you find attractive will either feel the same about you or won't. It really does not matter whether you are a young looking 50 or an old looking 50. It's all personal tastes.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #7  October 27,2010, 9:28am
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Absolutely agree with post below. Your mind, body (all parts) and life stage are 50, no matter your looks.
Say you look 40, hard to explain having a 30 year old kid?
Your age range seems fine, but I don't see how your youthful appearance has anything to do with it. Either women will want a 50 year old guy or not

If a 37 year old pictures you (in her mind) in a wheelchair by the time she's your age, (you would be 63) your boyish looks now won't matter.

Harryoss wrote :
I don't want to be judgmental or anything, but who gives a damn about how old you look like, it's how old you actually are that matters, no?

You do realize that sooner or later, age is going to catch up to you. And you do realize that this is going to be sooner rather than later, for you.
 
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StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #8  October 27,2010, 10:20am
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Echoing agreement for the "actual age matters" argument. I'm 36 and am frequently approached by men your age who wax endlessly about how young they feel. I don't particularly care, nor do I care what age the bartender thinks they are. I care about us being in the same place in our lives, having the same goals, same values - THEN I consider questions of physical attraction. I've yet to meet a man 15 years my senior who meets those basic criteria.

Perhaps if physical attraction and what other people think (oh no, strangers will think you're out with an older woman - not that!) are the be-all-end-all for you, then you should keep evaluating women the way you are. If that's not working so well for you, then consider placing those things lower on your checklist.
 
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texpete is offline texpete Post #9  October 27,2010, 10:57am
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I agree in principle that most 30yr old women will not be interested based on your age. No matter how young you look, your still 50 to them. If you are looking exclusively for younger women EHs matching model is not ideal. Try another site, post lots of pictures, plead your case, and email every young woman with a suitable photo. Are you shallow? Only you know that. The question is are you being realistic by seeking a relationship with someone much younger?
Good luck!
 
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texpete is offline texpete Post #10  October 27,2010, 10:57am
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I agree in principle that most 30yr old women will not be interested based on your age. No matter how young you look, your still 50 to them. If you are looking exclusively for younger women EHs matching model is not ideal. Try another site, post lots of pictures, plead your case, and email every young woman with a suitable photo. Are you shallow? Only you know that. The question is are you being realistic by seeking a relationship with someone much younger?
Good luck!
 
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