greytemples is offline greytemples Post #1  October 25,2010, 1:12pm
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I have been a member for 3 months and I am getting NO responses or replies, wondering others experience with looking for 40-50ish guy, over 5ft 8inch who actually wants to meet a 40ish woman. I checked my profile out with guy/gal friends, normal weight, pretty, smart, over 5-8, no kids, no bad habits, very normal. Am I searching for an extinct species? thanks for any comments or insights offered. (major metropolitan area, profile is intentionally very open, I am really trying)
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 25,2010, 1:31pm
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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The obvious answer is they don't find your profile or photo - or both - attractive. But since you have no photo or profile information posted here it's impossible to say. Why don't you start a thread with your profile for review?
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  October 25,2010, 2:01pm
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Its hard to say without seeing your profile.

You may say something in your profile that totally turns the women off.

Know this.....about 75% of your matches are not paying members (i.e. dead profiles).

What I usually do is look on RH and see who updated their profile or who viewed my profile...that tell me who is alive.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  October 25,2010, 2:01pm
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Double trouble wait dont run this kind of trouble is lots of fun....sorry double post
Last edited by ami1uwant; October 25,2010 at 2:04pm.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #5  October 25,2010, 2:05pm
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I think you should post your pics and profile for review.

Friends will never tell you the whole truth. They will try to sugar-coat it. Also, there have been lots of people on these boards complaining that they look great, look young, and to be honest, oftentimes they need some help.

Sometimes they could simply need to visit a hairdresser, and other times they could use a total overhaul.

On the other hand, sometimes they look great, but the men in their age group are primarily looking for women as young as their daughters. There's a lot of mid-life crisis out there.
 
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123noname789 is offline 123noname789 Post #6  October 26,2010, 7:00am
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Greytemples…the primary problem people have on this site, it appears to me, is unrealistic expectations. As others have told you, have a real heart to heart with yourself first.

40-something…what does that mean ? Studies show women underestimate their ages on these websites and it’s happened to me too. They’ll say they’re 39 when they are really 41 or 42, 43. Only a couple of years, but it tells you a lot. So, are we talking about forty something 41/42/43 or 48/49. It matters. As someone whose had my share of 40-something matches they can look all over the lot. From the gym rats with the rock’in body, to the ‘ladies’ who look like my aunt in the 1970’s. Now, you say you are getting no ’replies’ that means, if you are hitting up a match that is your age, or a year or two younger/older, and they see YOU as the latter of the given example, that’s why. Yes, many men want to date younger and I beg to differ, that is hardly a mid life crisis. Many women ‘reinvent themselves’ so can men. Maybe some of these men toiled away at very competitive careers and now want a hottie that is much younger. Not to be rude here, but they have that right. Regardless, they may not be the right match for you.

As others have said, we’re flying blind because you haven’t provided much info here or on your message board profile (which I prefer more than the match profile). To stick with the pictures for a moment, are you putting up pictures that your girlfriends say, ’that’s a cute dress’ ? Or do they really tell me your body type ? Men prefer the latter.

What about your settings ? Many women will come here and say they have it set for five years younger and older. Maybe it needs to be ten or 15 years older. ’But…in real life, men ten years my junior come on to me ?’ Take that with a grain of salt. When I was 23 a 50 year old woman rubbing my shoulders, not overweight, decent looking, was very complementary, because it was a novelty. It doesn’t have quite the effect today, to be candid. Cougar Town ? Hey, if I was 21, I’d definitely go out with Courteney Cox (I would today too). But, few older woman look like that.

OK, so what about the other settings. You live in a metropolitan area, maybe men in the outlying areas might be interested in you, but they are ’out of your range.’ Height settings, as many men cite. Educational requirements, maybe liberalize on them.

I’m saying all this because it is typical of what many complain about on these message boards, the site not living up to their expectations. Three months and not ONE response or reply is a poor one at that, I’m presuming you’ll getting some 6 to 8 matches a day.

Now, to turn this around, that doesn’t mean you won’t find someone, here or on some other site. It just means you have to be a little more patient, and perhaps flexible. Further, if you DO want to be picky, and I am too, than you may have to be more accepting to your results. I don’t date a new match every week, but I’m more than happy with my results. Good luck.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  October 26,2010, 2:07pm

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Hi Greytemples,

It sounds like you know what you want, and personally, I don’t know how helpful it is to look into “statistics” about the likelihood of finding what you’re looking for.

As far as eHarmony, there are a few things you can try to improve your experience.

First, you can look into increasing your opportunities through creatively opening your settings. Here are some articles that may help with some ideas on opening/adjusting settings:

Religion Settings:
eHarmony Religion Settings: The How-To Manual

Personal preferences:
eHarmony and the Art of Match Settings: Personal Preferences

Distance:

eHarmony and the Art of Match Settings: Distance

“No way”:
Using eHarmony: Exploring the 'No Way' Setting

Next, a few people have mentioned the profile review. It’s free and anonymous. Here are the instructions: Dating advice message board

The next important part would be the photos you post. Usually, it’s most effective to post a variety of photos of yourself in different poses, settings, and doing different activities. It just gives your matches a more well-rounded concept of you as a person.

Good luck, Greytemples!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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ophsza is offline ophsza Post #8  October 26,2010, 5:30pm
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Hi Greytemples.
I assume you mean that you ARE getting matched, but no communication from them? As someone said, a lot of those may not be active members.

While I understand the need to be flexible and open to a degree, there will naturally be some things you are not willing or able to compromise on, so "adjusting your match settings" may not always be the answer. Being patient, may be.

In my opinion, you should not have to apologize for looking for a man near your own age. Though I realize nature predisposes men to search out younger mates, we women also have to consider that statistically, men have been noted to have a shorter life-span. So the older we are, the less feasible it becomes for us to search for a man "15 years older" as someone suggested (regardless of whether any of us look like Courtney Cox or Sean Connery).

Hang in there! Good luck.
 
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