soledoctor08 is offline soledoctor08 Post #1  October 24,2010, 7:50pm
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While I like Eharmony, I have been finding that the question about children has been leaving me at a loss for words when I begin to communicate with matches. Why?? Well the profile says "Kids at Home: NO" but many of my matches have children and because they do not live with them full-time, they answer NO. My preference is a man with no children but I find that I am continuously spending time, rather wasting time, communicating with men who I later find out have children.

How can I get through this?? I don't want to think of these men as dishonest. When I tell them about it, they quote the profile "No kids at home." I feel mislead.

What should I do?? How can Eharmony help with this issue?

Thanks!!!
 
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mattluen is offline mattluen Post #2  October 24,2010, 8:55pm
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i can't say i've had the same problem, as i'm a young male, but maybe they should pose the question twice. as in, do you have children? and, do they live with you full time? that would be an easy solution to your problem, but i wouldn't count on it happening lol. hope that helps
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  October 24,2010, 9:13pm
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soledoctor08 wrote :
While I like Eharmony, I have been finding that the question about children has been leaving me at a loss for words when I begin to communicate with matches. Why?? Well the profile says "Kids at Home: NO" but many of my matches have children and because they do not live with them full-time, they answer NO. My preference is a man with no children but I find that I am continuously spending time, rather wasting time, communicating with men who I later find out have children.

How can I get through this?? I don't want to think of these men as dishonest. When I tell them about it, they quote the profile "No kids at home." I feel mislead.

What should I do?? How can Eharmony help with this issue?

Thanks!!!
This seems to come up alot lately.. hopefully they are working on a profile fix.. I hope Kate (eha admin) will jump in or look into it for you..

but for now..I would suggest writing a blurb in your profile about your preference.. This should should work as a filter for you, until eH comes up with a fix in the settings..
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #4  October 24,2010, 9:37pm
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I know exactly what you mean. It is very frustrating. I didn't renew my eH account. I just decided to use Match instead.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  October 24,2010, 11:06pm
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Yeah, there's a lot of confusion about how to use the "children" settings and what they mean etc.

If it's a strong preference, to the point of a dealbreaker, for you, I'd put it in the "additional info" section just to be really really clear about it!
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #6  October 25,2010, 1:27pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
but for now..I would suggest writing a blurb in your profile about your preference.. This should should work as a filter for you, until eH comes up with a fix in the settings..
This always seems to be the best advise whenever anyone starts a thread about this.
 
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mitchell175 is online now mitchell175 Post #7  October 25,2010, 2:05pm
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I agree this kid question is not handled very well by eH. I am a 39 year woman using eH for the first time. I have never been married, and don't have any kids. However, in this age bracket, most of my matches already have kids, and many of them do not want more. There is a question about "wants kids" and the choices are yes, no and "maybe". All but a few of my matches choose "maybe". In eH circles, "maybe" usually means "no" but people don't want to come right out and say that. I am not 100% sure that I will still want to have my own kids, but I selected "yes" anyway. Any match who closes me out because I chose "yes" when he really means "no" himself, go right ahead. Better to know that up front, in case my "maybe" turns out to really mean "yes" later on, when it's too late.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #8  October 25,2010, 4:14pm
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I just don't understand why eHarmony can't make this much more simple by phrasing the question, "Do you have children?" That's a simple yes or no question, not an ambiguous, "I have kids, but the ex has custody, so they don't live with me..."

I know obfuscation is a strong suit for eHarmony because apparently a lack of clarity gets results or something.

I'd also argue that not only should the kids question be a yes or no, but also include how many. Some people want a large family, some people don't.

I know the standard answer is to put all your negative baggage right there in your profile, but that's just dodging the issue on eHarmony's part.

I just had a match yesterday that answered no to the kids at home question, but doted on and on about her kids in her profile.
 
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beasioux is offline beasioux Post #9  October 26,2010, 9:02pm
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I would like to know if they have kids & if they have been married. These aren't deal breakers, but it's information I think is important & I can't understand why eH doesn't put this information on someone's profile. What's there to hide?
 
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